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Original poster

Meet ups with childfree friends

39 replies

illandBored · 03/02/2020 10:51

Hi,

I’m wondering because I have 2 kids under 2 who needs constant attention and entertaining, I cannot schedule any social meet ups in places like restaurants/cafes and actuallt enjoying it because it’s boring for my kids to sit there watching me without being entertained.

Ofcourse my go to place would be soft play, cafe with toddler play area, Ikea! And so on. But I don’t know if I’m being selfish to choose places that are convenient for me and my kids which aren’t really made for adults but it’s also because I need my kids entertained if I’m to have any time to talk to a friend.

What are the good places for child-free friends to meet with friends with kids?

OP posts:

redrobin123 · 03/02/2020 19:35

God, some of these posts are so snarky. OP was asking for suggestions of somewhere to go. Most of my child free friends would SUGGEST going to a softplay for a catch up as they are nice people and understand that kids get bored. They also have an interest in children and like to see them too.

Going for a walk around a nice park is always nice OP and stopping for a coffee along the way x

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 19:40

Well in all honesty I often use up the time he takes him off me to catch up on sleep, have a long bath, do some facials.. spend time with newborn alone.. time flies

OP posts:

Berrymuch · 03/02/2020 19:46

Somewhere like brewers fayre that has a play area bit next to the tables might be an idea, kind of a mixture between soft play and a restaurant. I don't mind soft play, but for a catch up it probably won't allow you much time to chat, before I had DS I would get quite overwhelmed in them, but if your friend is happy to then why not.

Mumof1andacat · 03/02/2020 20:12

Why cant you go out in the evening once dh is home from work? Or lunch time at the weekend

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 20:28

In hindsight looking back that’s why my friend probably withdrew from the group of mum friends at softplay and sat alone somewhere far to have coffee. I guess she didn’t like it there. She also wanted me to leave early with her and go somewhere else.

I feel like such a horrible friend. At that time I saw it as her being inflexible to be fair. I expected her to play with my DS as she sees him regularly.

Oh gosh I’m aweful!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

illandBored · 03/02/2020 20:33

I think I will do as suggested. Less regular meetings.

Once I’ll do it in a child friendly cafe or something. And other times I’ll arrange for childcare after DHs work in the evening.

I have a newborn who breastfeeds in the evening and my 2 year old still breastfeeds before bedtime so I will need to work out a way for DH to be able to put him to sleep without me. That’s the one thing DH isn’t good at whatsoever.

So either an evening or ill spare sometime on the weekends.

OP posts:

MotherWol · 03/02/2020 20:44

It’s tough, but you have to prioritise. If the friendship is important to you, then once or twice a month, skip your afternoon nap/sack off the cleaning/long bath and facial and see your friend. Your children won’t be small and demanding forever, and if you put in the effort to keep the friendship going through the baby years, she’ll still be there for you when your kids are a bit bigger and more independent.

Blackbear19 · 03/02/2020 22:22

OP I was your friend. Bit of effort from both sides our friendship survived.

Many Sunday afternoons in parks etc. Friday evenings couple of hours snatched when kids were settled in bed, often its late night shopping and a coffee. We try hard to make the Fridays happen.

We are now at the stage of me having young children and hers being teens. Teens really getting too big for softplay and play parks but happy to rattle around in there supervising my little ones, giving her and I a chance to chill out!

DelurkingAJ · 03/02/2020 22:29

We try to have friends to us for Sunday lunch. Do you have to see family every weekend? We live several hours from both sets so see them about every six weeks...so that sounds quite alien to me and sucks up lots of time. But if it’s fabulous for everyone ignore that.

changedtempforprivacy · 03/02/2020 23:19

Pre kids My issue with soft play meet ups was I couldn't drive to them, as was living in central London.

Ikea is always a good suggestion as are chains like pizza express. National trust gardens, nice garden centre soft play,
Our local library and art gallery has a great kids area and a nice cafe..

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 04/02/2020 07:26

You're not awful OP. It's just that, as the childless friend in my own group, I recognise that shift in a friendship where your own preferences do get rather subsumed and you're assumed to be happy to go along with whatever suits everyone else. I don't expect to see my friends with kids twice a month, as that's a lot for them to organise, but I do meet them for lunches and coffee when I can. Sometimes the children are there and sometimes not, but we don't go anywhere particular to small children, just a cafe that has high chairs. My friends bring colouring books and toys for the kids to mess about with. It works best when you get to see people occasionally without the children there, surely for your own sanity as well as theirs. Everyone needs a break and some conversation with another adult that doesn't have to be interrupted while you go to fish your toddler out of a ball pit!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/02/2020 07:32

Use one of your Sunday blocks per month to meet your friend for lunch. Take the newborn they can just sleep or have a cuddle from either of you.

Hoppetyflop · 04/02/2020 07:48

At one point when i was the only mother in my group, they would arrange a grand day out and I'd leave kids with OH/family member and literally be out the whole day. Then I'd got 3 /4 months before doing it all again. Is that an option? Less frequent but an entire day with your friends?

toomanydicksonthedancefloor1 · 04/02/2020 07:49

OP I'm not child free, but my kids will both be at school very soon and a lot of my friends have younger children. To be honest I would rather see my friends with their kids, than not see them at all when I don't have my kids with me. I would suggest a meet up at their house (as a PP suggested at nap time!) or when they're slightly older at a pub with a toddler play area. A meet up with a friend can become expensive if you are going out to eat and sorting childcare too! I would rather keep my friendship going however possible, and would be open to doing whatever suited a parent with 2 young kids to be honest. It's bloody hard work, and in a couple of years it will be possible to do things together more easily when the kids are older. However, I do appreciate someone who didn't have kids probably wouldn't have the same viewpoint as me maybe.

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