Self care - what does it mean to you

[Itwasntme1]

I recently had an awful time with depression and anxiety and every medical professional I saw kept on advising self care.

I just had a chat with a friend about what this means to different people.

When you are really struggling with a troubled mind, massages and long walks and bubble baths are awful, just more space to think and worry. So for me it was anything that Switched off or distracted my thoughts. Binge watching netflix etc.

So, what does self care mean to you? What has worked.

I joined a community choir, no auditioning. Something regular to do once a week. Other people are there, so you are not alone. Communal activity and yet you don’t have to “chat”. At home I can listen and practise the music. I’m no great singer but it doesn’t matter.

Community choir, absolutely brilliant and uplifting. Walks in my favourite spot, up hills, into the wind etc. Regular exercise, swimming, running. Not being ‘on the go’ the whole time.. so - I’ve got a cleaner. Make sure I do spend some time just ‘sitting’ - today after a tough and frustrating week I have plonked myself on the sofa. In front of TV/reading paper. Also seeing friends. Eating well. Sleeping well. That’s me.

Martial arts!

I am interested in the walking and running. I love doing both but if I am feeling anxious those activities just give me more time to think.

I Sound shit but having a day off to myself on the day dd is in full time nursery.
My mum died 10 weeks ago and I’m still feeling like I need to be with my dad for at least an hour a day (for him and for me) but I work full time, have a dd I don’t feel like I see enough and a husband who is a bit lazy & doesn’t do much in the house.
I’m trying to just book a day a month where I can just “sit” (in silence more often than not) for a morning. With a brew and my dog. I then pick dd up earlier than I would if I was at work which makes me feel a bit less shit.
I’d love to do yoga class or go for a run too for some self care but can’t fit it in at the moment but will get there hopefully when things calm down.

OP have you had an hours professional massage before? Did it help at all? You must be really stressed if that didnt help you as I come out like rubber I’m so chilled out. It really helps me!

Sorry for your loss, Rhodes good for you for making time for yourself, and for your dad

Swimming. Meditation.

Spin class. The first ten mins my head is going I can't do this, why am I so unfit, god everyone looks mega, puff, pant
Then it's like my brain switches off and I do nothing apart from breathe and sweat!

And a day at home where I don't leave the house, so I can introvert, potter and get stuff done

Playing computer games after DS bedtime.

Games have been my escapism and therapy for 20 years now.

@Elieza yes have had all sorts of spa treatments, massages and weekend retreats. Lovely when I am well, but not at all effective when I am suffering from anxiety.

Have you found them effective for mental health issues? I assume so, so what treatments exactly did you have and how did you quiet the dark thoughts? My particular issue was intense anxiety, I would find it impossible to Lie in a quiet room for hour without my mind going crazy.

How did you manage this?

I find walking (at a good pace) helps to clear my mind. I usually concentrate on my speed and steps on difficult terrain - or take in my surroundings. Sometimes I listen to music or podcasts if it's just walking around the block.
I also love getting lost in a good book. I read a lot of historical fiction, there is always plenty to research.
I think self care is very personal and there is no one size fits all - but there are numerous studies that any form of exercise has a positive effect on your mental health.

Shopping for and cooking nice food
Eating nice food
Getting to bed early enough and sleeping for long enough
Shaving legs, body lotion, face scrub, clean hair, putting on make up
Calling a friend to chat
Arranging to see friends for coffee, drinks, dinner
Seeing a film
Going to an art gallery
Walking, especially somewhere with trees
Reading a book
Going to the hairdressers
Making sure I make and keep appointments for smear test/mammogram/ eye test/ dentist
Avoiding toxic people
Saying no to things I don’t want to do
Making lists of things I am grateful for
Browsing Rightmove (love looking at houses so do this for pleasure)
Having a cleaner
Having an afternoon nap sometimes
Doing mindfulness (I have the Calm app)
Making time to spend with dh, without children

Walking. Anywhere, along river/canal paths, up mountains, through town in the back residential streets.

I do a yoga class before work every morning. Always have a nice candle lighting at home. Make sure I have fresh sheets. Get my eyebrows and toes painted.

Long brisk walks in nature. Peaceful and invigorating.

Sitting quietly in the morning with a coffee.

Making lists and sticking to them - basically being organised and regaining control.

Eating well overall but allowing myself treats when I fancy them.

Knowing when not to drink - I.e. not using alcohol as a crutch when I'm sad. And not binge drinking because it always ruins my mental health.

Seeing friends. Talking. Distracting myself. Laughing. Company is good.

Reading a good book.

Night times baths, moisturising, hair masks and plenty of good quality street. Like drinking, lack of sleep ramps up my anxiety and makes everything seem like much harder work.

Seeing my friends
Asking for help with childcare to do so (single parent working full time)

I am interested in this thread. I am strapped for cash but even more strapped for time and childcare. I know it's not all about spa breaks, but a lot of things I'd love to do to look after myself are truly out of my reach with the children so young and end up feeling like more chores on an already long list.

When I was very anxious I couldn't relax. It was as if my body had forgotten how. Massage helped. I struggled with mindfulness but could do a yoga class with a guided meditation at the end. I started having a bath once a week, I'd put a face mask on to force myself to stay in and sit with my thoughts.
Self care to me is eating healthily, and getting regular exercise and rest. It involves getting the balance right which is why some self care is the opposite of others (take a break Vs clean the house Vs climb a mountain!)
I hope you get the balance right for you, op.

Sleep not street

Running, open water swimming. I NEED movement and as I’m self employed I ensure I have at least a 1 hour walk per day.
On days when I don’t I really feel the difference to my mental health. I have to walk around 15,000-25,000 steps at least 4/5 times per week.
I often listen to podcasts whilst doing so but also value the quietness of it but it sounds like your mind would still be busy.
Having days where I get to just chill, have time to meditate and generally just potter.
It’s about work life balance for me, one thing I do is have a list of my self care ideas wrote down so that I don’t need to think and just go to the list and do something from the list.

Personally, I would find a spa very unhelpful. Too much time sitting or lying, thinking it was all pointless, I would feel much better on the sofa watching some decent TV than that. At least that’s entertaining.

I get what you mean that spa stuff etc just gives you time to ruminate. So do something that occupies your mind. Needlework. Knitting, pottery, flower arranging, cooking. Things that require concentration but are not stressful.
Self care to me means doing something that gives you time to reconnect with yourself and hear and understand what your inner voice is telling you. To remove yourself from the barage of images and communication and do this do that things that clutter up your day and your mind.
Different things suit different people and you need to find what helps you. But it's not a magic wand.

Exercise, especially in a chatty group setting which makes it more fun and less painful. Singing in a community choir, lots of science to back this up too. Gardening: I've spent a happy half hour today sorting out my seeds for the spring and the amount of hope contained in those seeds, for lovely fresh food and beautiful flowers is a complete cheer me up. Hope you feel better soon x

Listening to audiobooks

Self care to me means setting aside some time every day to go outside for some exercise, could be walking or cycling. Also eating a healthy diet and going to bed on time.