Can I have a handhold please? DS refusing to sleep

[Dennisreynoldsduster]

DS is just over one month old. He has reflux which we have gaviscon for but he gets quite grunty and strains a lot with wind and it means he wakes himself up a lot.

I’ve got mastitis and I’m suffering from quite bad anxiety, and last night was one of those nights. He would sleep apart from on me or propped up on his cushion so naturally I couldn’t sleep while he was.

He was a bit twitchy and kept startling himself, think he’s going through a growth spurt/developmental stage so he didn’t stay down for long anyway.

I’m feeling really tired and fluey this morning and he’s wide awake and grumpy even though he’s clearly really tired.

I just feel a bit broken and when I’m tired my anxiety is ten times worse as well. I’ve just sat down with a cup of tea and he’s straining and red faced again so there’s either a volley of stinky farts to follow or a dirty nappy change.

I know it’s pathetic but I just feel like crying this morning. The day stretching ahead seems relentless and endless and then I feel TERRIBLE for thinking that as I love him so much

Ah OP I remember this all too well. It seems infinite at the time but I promise that this bit doesn’t last forever. As counter intuitive as it seems, go out. Doesn’t have to be for long, just for a walk. Get your earphones on with a podcast or audiobook or something you like listening to. Put him in the buggy. Walk around for half an hour and come back again. Hopefully he will be asleep in the buggy and you’ll feel better for having had some fresh air. Buy yourself something nice for lunch while you’re out. Then when you get in and he’s (hopefully) asleep leave him in the buggy in the hallway and stick something funny on on the TV and have half an hour to yourself. Or even if he’s awake still stuck on that box set and eat your nice lunch. I promise you’ll feel a million times better.

Mine are now 5 and 3 and even though those days weren’t that long ago, until I read your post I had forgotten them. They’re shit but it passes quickly. Be kind to yourself.

Oh that's sounds really tough OP and you are clearly exhausted can you ask someone for help 💐 xx

Thank you @AllTheWhoresOfMalta I will try.
Good to know you’ve almost forgotten those days :) gives me hope. I just feel a bit pathetic as I’m only a month in!

@madmumofteens my mum is coming over later but she’s too nervous to be left with him on her own but I’m going to get her to watch/cuddle him and I’ll try and sleep on the sofa

Yes to fresh air! And coffee. Go for a walk to get something nice for dinner. Break the day down in to chunks.

I get really stressed if he cries when we are out which I know is stupid but I don’t always know how to settle him.
I’m not very good at this ☹️

The first few weeks with a baby are pretty shit. I found they were to be endured rather than enjoyed. It will get better, I promise. You're doing a brilliant job. Also, don't worry about DS crying if you're out. The vast majority of people will have total sympathy for you. I remember DS having a meltdown in Tesco at a similar age and everyone (staff and other customers) was so lovely.

Are you getting treatment for the mastitis? Mine needed antibiotics to resolve, hopefully you already have these? If not see your gp asap.

In terms of the tiredness and the anxiety and the feeling like you want to cry, I dont have a lot of advice other than to say be kind to yourself, its rough. It will pass, but while you're in the thick of it, just keep your expectations low, focus on you and baby, and let everything else go for a while. If the anxiety gets overwhelming, talk to your gp or your health visitor, they can help, and you dont have to just suffer it.

It will get better, I promise.

If you’re feeling fluey you need antibiotics for the mastitis. Make sure you keep feeding from the affected breast as much as possible to get the infection moving.

WRT sleep - it does get better, I promise. It’s absolutely shite when you’re living it though.

I haven’t got antibiotics, it’s the second time I’ve had it in a month and a half as well so I think you’re right and I’ll have to go to the GP.

Thank you. Just the words of solidarity help and make me feel less alone

I only had one refluxy baby, but what worked for him was swaddling. It stopped him jumping himself awake IFKWIM, That and I had his cot on a premanent slant to keep his head up slightly.
We used the bouncy cradle thing during the day to keep him up, and never put him flat after a feed or there would be a gurgle followed by an explosion of breastmilk. Ruined my living room carpet poor kid.

Thanks @troels did your refluxy baby have a lot of discomfort with wind too?
How did you put the cot on a slant?
I’ve found a cot wedge that is supplied to the nhs but I’m not sure of the safety aspect

Swaddling might be a good shout actually as he’s very twitchy/easily startled at the moment (I think he kind of trembles when he’s straining to pass wind and when the acid comes up as well as normal baby twitches) so that might help.

You need to get AB's NOW.

It can turn into an abscess, this happened to my friend recently. Very very nasty.

I also nearly ended up hospitalised when I had mastitis, I started showing signs of sepsis. Fucking awful.

If you're fluey you need AB's now now now.

And then try Ranitadine and be warned that gaviscon causes constipation.

I didn’t realise that @thenoisehurts I will call the gp now thank you

I second swaddling. I used a large Muslin cloth. My son was very twitchy also. He moved onto grobags easily. To incline the cot you could place the feet of one end onto books, buy a wedge or place a pillow under mattress. Just be careful it is not too inclined or else baby will slide down and end up hunched at the bottom of the cot (speaking from experience). I did end up rolling a blanket in a u shape and putting it under my sons bum up to his underarms to prevent sliding. You have to risk assess this with sids... For me it was either he has this blanket tucked around him or I hold him upright all night. Good luck!

P.s. The first night I did a combination of swaddling, inclined with rolled blanket to stopped sliding he slept 5 hours in a row. It was magical.

Yes to the AB I had a bad dose of mastitis flu like symptoms you are doing brilliantly OP look after yourself glad to hear your mum is onboard 💐

Thanks I’ve had a shower and gone for a walk and we are back now.
I’ve got a gp appointment this week so hopefully I’ll get antibiotics

That's great you got out and about and you've got an appointment with your GP look after yourself you've got this 💐

Our cot had a wedge thing, seemed to work fine. I do remember worrying he'd roll sideways and go sideways in his bed, I used to tightly roll a couple of terry nappies and wedge him in with one on each side of his body (not by his face) with him swaddled in the middle oh the crazy things we think of Only to realize he never moved an inch once swaddled.
He did seem to have uncomfortable wind he'd pull his legs up and cry and strain, only to let out a massive loud fart. He never burped, no matter how hard I tried, he finally burped one day after drinking pop when he was about 10. He was so amazed he told anyone who would listen, then he learned to burp the alphabet

An appt this WEEK?

Did you use the word mastitis?

It's really serious!

@thenoisehurts yes I did they said nhs advice is to take paracetamol and feed through it! Got an appointment for Friday

You need ABs now I was given emergency appointments every time I got it (which was a LOT!) Don’t let them fob you off. It can turn nasty quite quickly.

And for you. The first few weeks with a newborn are tough, but it really does get easier!

@lamphat I will call back first thing and insist I get seen tomorrow. Didn’t realise it could get that nasty so thanks to the posters who have highlighted that fact

Glad to hear it. And I hope your LO lets you get a bit of rest this eve!