Please help me find ways to make my life easier!

[Reallybadidea]

I have 3 teenagers and also work full-time, plus on calls, night shifts etc, in a busy medical environment. DH has always picked up the slack. I'm now going to be on my own with them Monday to Friday and so requested a reduction in my hours. This has been refused and so I'm desperately trying to find ways to make my home life easier. Several nights a week I will need to come home to pick a child up and take them to a sports activity 30 minutes away, come home and make dinner then do the return trip 90 minutes later.

Please can anyone give me some practical suggestions about how I can make my life easier? I can throw some money at the situation if necessary. I already have a cleaner once a week and I'm planning to get her in at least twice a week. What else can I do?

Is there another parent you can share lifts with that lives near you?

Assuming that the DC don't have SNs and get home from school earlier than you, on the days with sports activities, they make dinner so that it is ready when you get home. Eat early or late after the activity as you prefer. Or use a slow cooker and set it going in the morning. Or batch cook and have them heat things up.

Don't be running backwards and forwards, that's an enormous waste of time and petrol. Either see if there are other parents to lift share with and when it's your turn, stay at the activity - use the time to do any admin jobs, go off and do the grocery shopping or just take time to read a book or whatever.

Maybe also get them involved with laundry, gardening etc. If you have three teenagers, you shouldn't be trying to do everything themselves, they're old enough to do their share. Maybe direct some of the money saved on buying in help their way if they do the garden, laundry, some of the cleaning etc?

FFS 'you shouldn't be trying to do everything yourself'.

I agree with seeing if you can lift share for the activities. If you don’t know any of the other parents, I’m sure the organiser of the activities could send a message round for you.

Do you have a slow cooker? I find it saves a lot of time to have dinner ready and waiting on activity days.

That sounds hard OP, I'm hoping it won't go on for long and it's really necessary for your OH to be away. As your DCs are teenagers can they take public transport to their club/event and then you just pick them up? Lift sharing may also be an option, or paying someone to take them may also be an option. One of my DS had an appointment each week 30 mins away on the nights I couldn't make it he went in an uber (he was 15 at the time) so might be worth looking into the cost of that one way. Maybe advertise at the club or on a local parent facebook page for the activity to see if anyone can take them and how much it would be.

We've lift shared to activities in the past and would happily do so again, unfortunately there is nobody nearby who attends these clubs.

Slow cooker is a good idea, I'll give it a go. I'm already up at 5.30am though and not keen to get up any earlier to be honest!

Also there is no public transport in our village. At all. We will be looking to move in the next 12 months I think (although the idea of dealing with all that stress on top of everything else makes me want to cry a little bit!)

Why would you go home to feed two teens?
Kids need to be encouraged to be independent, my lot have always cooked as I work long erratic hours. Slow cooker or worse case microwave!!

Get a takeaway delivered...

Batch cook for microwave warming up or slow cooking as a PP said is best options for dinner time

Teenagers can take care of themselves food wise tbf

Can they take a taxi? Ride a bike there?

As they’re teens they can cook their own tea a couple of nights per week. Something easy like tomato pasta or jacket potatoes to start them off. Surely they’re old enough to understand you simply can’t do it all anymore?

Kids already cook at least once a week and will certainly have to cook more as I sometimes don't get home until the early hours when I'm on call. But they're in gcse and a level years and I don't really want to make their lives any harder. It's not their fault I'm in this situation...

Things like omelettes, putting stuff in the oven, warming up batch cooked things, pasta and sauce, stuff on toast and many other quick meals take no time at all.

Unless they really do study every minute from getting home from school to bedtime (unlikely) then they can spare a few minutes to make themselves some food on an evening without jeopodising their studying.

I’d bring forward the move and start looking now. 3 teenagers with activities - having public transport available is going to be imperative.

How close is the eldest to learning to drive? My parents made this a priority as we lived fairly rurally so they needed us to be able to taxi ourselves around as soon as possible. My mum was so keen to get us driving that she had us learning the basics on private tracks before we turned 17!

Re food, I would batch cook things like bolognaise and chilli in portions so that all they need to do is reheat that plus cook some pasta or microwave rice to go with it.

Have a takeaway night once a week where you leave them £20 to order in.

Before you invest in a slow cooker, consider an instant pot instead. It's an electric pressure cooker, with the facility to keep food warm for up to 10 hours. I find it cooks food better than a slow cooker, where everything came out sort of grey and tasting the same. It can also cook meat and preprepared meals from frozen. It's not always 'quicker' by the time it's come to pressure, but it does mean when you get in, you can chuck it all in and get on with other jobs.
Also, simplify the meals on the days you are not home. I'd put a chicken or stew in the instant pot before i leave home, cook it, leave it on keep warm (it's perfectly safe, kept at above 74 degrees), then buy some crusty bread and a bag of salad. Or cook the chicken the night before and have it cold.

I also echo what a pp said. No way would i be taking dc to an activity 30 mins away, only to drive home and then return 90 mins later. You are wasting an hour of your time driving. Use that time to catch up with admin, grocery shop, relax. Anything rather than unnecessary driving.

You say there is no public transport, how much would a taxi one way cost? Even if it's once a month, it gives you time at home, even if you could did one of the journeys.

I can see why you wouldn't want to get up any earlier than 5.30 so the night before one of you peel the veg and leave it all in a pan of cold water overnight. Next morning put veg & meat in slow cooker with some stock and tin of tomatoes that's then a 2 min job in the morning. Jacket potatoes are lovely in the slow cooker just wrap tightly in tin foil and turn it on, the DC can help themselves to salad, beans, tuna etc to go with them. I would do the food shop on one of the days when DC is at the activity, the other day catch up on e mails, texting and read, treat that as your chilling time. Also assign jobs to the DC if they are old enough to be left on their own they are old enough to do jobs.

If you don't want to do slow cooker meals, maybe buy a pizza or something that just needs chucking in the oven? Or beans on toast or the like?

It seems like travel and cooking are your two big time sinks. Mopeds for the teens (if they're old and sensible enough) or can they get a taxi back?

Would your cleaner do a more housekeeper role and put something in the oven for you? (Extra pay, if course)

• could do

Does your children's school (s) have canteen? I find school dinners are useful on days when we will be home late and out again to sports.

Agree on batch cooking - DC and DH to cook bolognaise, curry and chilli or similar on Saturday and put portions in Freezer.

Also can DC take a year off clubs or reduce to one each until you move? You need to all sit down together and agree the rules to this.

Then a list of chores per child - bed made first thing; one / two washes per child done per week by them; each child takes an area to be responsible to keep clean; lunches made by the child (or go with canteen and snack made by child).

Clothes and school items organised at end of bed each evening.

I hope this helps - remember, we cannot do everything we want all at the same time. Circumstances have changed so DC will have to make changes to their lives too.

Finally, why is DH not there Monday to Friday anymore?

They're going to have to look after themselves once they reach uni.

If they’re gcse / a level age then they absolutely should be cooking more! Get them to do the cooking between them.

Depends how much money you’re willing to throw at the situation. You can pay for a cook to come to your house once a week (with ingredients) and batch cook all your family meals for the whole week, then freeze or fridge them with instructions on how to heat them. A recent nanny told me about this.

What about a Gousto or Hello Fresh delivery box? Quick, healthy meals with minimal prep.

Don't come home between drop off and pick up - if there's a large supermarket close by, do a Click & Collect grocery shop and have a quick coffee in the cafe while you're there.
Do admin, listen to podcasts, catch up on with friends on phone while DC is at club.
Make sure everyone has enough clothes to last the week without having to worry about emergency Mid-week washes.

Put DC in charge of the dishwasher - loading and emptying.

Ask cleaner to do bed changes.
Outsource ironing (or don't do it).

Thanks for all your suggestions and sympathy! I've only just found out about not being able to reduce my hours, so I'm in a bit of a head spin and don't really want to be moaning to my colleagues.

Does your children's school (s) have canteen? I find school dinners are useful on days when we will be home late and out again to sports.

This is a great idea, I will definitely be doing this because they currently take sandwiches and have a main meal at home. Combined with the genius idea of jacket potatoes in the slow cooker, it should really help.

I don't want dc to stop their sports club because they've just reached the stage of competing at a national level. And as I said, I don't want any of them to be negatively impacted by the situation as far as is possible.

DH won't be around during the week because he's been offered a really amazing opportunity, but on the other side of the country. Before he accepted it I had been told verbally that my reduced hours would be OK, that's now been reneged upon officially. Which is a bummer but now I have to make it work. Worst case scenario I just hand my notice in, but I've spent a long time studying and training and selfishly I don't want to hive up work all together!