Please help me find ways to make my life easier!

[Reallybadidea]

I have 3 teenagers and also work full-time, plus on calls, night shifts etc, in a busy medical environment. DH has always picked up the slack. I'm now going to be on my own with them Monday to Friday and so requested a reduction in my hours. This has been refused and so I'm desperately trying to find ways to make my home life easier. Several nights a week I will need to come home to pick a child up and take them to a sports activity 30 minutes away, come home and make dinner then do the return trip 90 minutes later.

Please can anyone give me some practical suggestions about how I can make my life easier? I can throw some money at the situation if necessary. I already have a cleaner once a week and I'm planning to get her in at least twice a week. What else can I do?

It’s gcse year, they still eat!! Honestly I despair at some MNers, are these kids just school, study, sleep? Stop coddling them, they can pop something in a microwave!! You do know a lot of kids get themselves home and fed 5 days a week and do plenty else about the house.

Seriously get an au pair/babysitter to do this along with some light house work and cooking a couple of meals

Reduction in hours would have been a reduction in pay so I’m guessing there is some spare money to cover this 2/3 evenings a week

An au pair/ babysitter for teenagers??
That’s ridiculous, how do you think single mums cope? I despair of MN and the hopeless pandered too kids they’re raising.
All this over teenagers having to feed themselves 🙄

Apply properly for flexible working. Rather than reducing your hours could you compress them to fit better around DCs activity?

Get the food shopping delivered. Get each DC to cook dinner one night a week, takeaway another, pizzas another and jacket potatoes in slow cooker another.

Don't go home in between the activity, sit and do your online food shop, anything else that needs doing like banking, paying for clubs/school dinners.

Washing rota for the DCs. It's not making their lives harder giving them skills and responsibility. In the long term it will make their lives much easier!

When DH is home at a weekend he can do the cooking

Babysitter for 16-18 YOs? Seriously?

You're not the woman who wanted a nanny for her DD at university are you?

metro.co.uk/2019/12/30/people-mercilessly-mocking-job-ad-asks-nanny-cook-clean-laundry-teenager-11976484/

@Barbara
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Surely dcs are not studying continuously when they’re gone from school?
Find some easy recipes of things they like to eat and give them the task of cooking a few nights a week.
They can throw some chicken or fish and veg in the oven, do some pasta, noodles, baked potatoes.
Share the cleaning between them then get in with their studying.

Are there teenagers who sit and wait for mummy to come home and feed them? My lot help themselves and clean up 😉 maybe I better cut my hours to help the wee lambs cope 🤔

BarbaraofSeville

Just strike me to come home and have supper cooked and teens ferried about and some housework done - much easier than trying to bust a gut doing everything

I did say light housework and cooking... did you miss that bit?

Or perhaps you just love been overworked and then moaning about it?

JKScot4

I am a single mum 🤣

I was going to suggest an au-pair or pt housekeeper.

Why on earth not, if it would help out the OP? If the OP feels she needs some help and has the money, then it would solve the problem. Who cares what other people do?

Getting the dcs to pitch in is a win-win. They get to learn skills that will benefit them and their future families, and you get to ease off a bit.
You’re working all these hours to benefit your family, your family need to pitch in and do their bit too.

Or perhaps you just love been overworked and then moaning about it

Er no. I expect everyone to do their share and not expect Mummy or a substitute to run around after them. That includes DCs once they start secondary school.

One of the OPs DCs will be going to university in a few months. They will be totally alone with getting themselves around, feeding themselves and everything else, plus keeping up with their studies. No reason to not start being a bit more independent now?

There's three teenagers. They only need to cook once a week each, maybe with leftovers from the weekend on Monday and takeaway on Friday. They don't need help with that.

I really do appreciate all the suggestions, but can I say yet again, that the dc already pitch in absolutely loads. I wouldn't be working full time now, in the job that I'm doing, if they didn't! I have an adult child at University who has found moving away from home a doddle because of how independent and capable he is because of the skills we have taught him and expected him to manage. I just don't want to make their lives any harder just so I can continue in the career I love! I already feel guilty about how little they will see either parent due to this situation

And wrt applying for flexible working - that's what I did as part of my proposed reduction in hours. It was turned down and I cannot reapply for another year.

I'm going to advertise for a daily cleaner/housekeeper - good idea.

Really don't feel guilty, they're old enough to understand. I'd sit them down (if you haven't already) and explain the situation, say you're sorry that it might be a bit bumpy for the next few months but as long as everyone carries on chipping in you'll be fine.

Agree about having enough clothes to get through the week, even if it means duplicate PE kits etc to avoid having to wash/iron mid week. Meal plan so everyone knows what's for dinner, and a rota for kids to start or make tea. I agree with others who have said to use your travel time carefully, combine it with doing the food shop or just take a book and have some breathing space.

I’m sure you have checked this but have your work given you a valid reason for refusal?

Yes, unfortunately I think the reason is valid due to a large proportion of the department all deciding to hand their notice in a month after I made my flexible working request

Ahh no. Just wanted to check in case it wasn’t. Hope the suggestions on here help you .

Thank you, yes I think I've got the beginnings of a plan about how I can make it work now