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Original poster

My son hates my MIL

31 replies

Lazydaisydaydream · 27/01/2020 12:07

My son is nearly two, he's generally a very easy going and happy little boy. He is very affectionate, gives lots of hugs and kisses etc but is also quite happy to run off at groups and play without me following him around.

However recently he has started reacting very badly when my MIL is around. If she comes to our house he spends the first half an hour sitting on my lap gripping on and refusing to get off. When I eventually persuade him to go and play he won't let her sit near him, if she tries to touch his toys he shouts no, he pushes her away when she tries to hug him etc. It's getting to the point where she is getting really upset about it and I don't know how to deal with it.

My in laws live about ten minutes away from us, we see them at least once or twice a week. He sees my FIL the same amount of time, maybe a bit less, than my MIL and loves him - is happy to play with him, sit on his lap for stories etc.

How do I deal with this? What is the best way to encourage a positive relationship? My DH tries too hard I think, asking him to give things to grandma, let grandma read you a story, give grandma a hug and so on and I think it just makes my son worse! Will it just improve with time? Is there anything I can try?

My MIL would love to babysit but the way my son is there's no way I could leave him with her as he is so upset when she is around Sad

Any suggestions gratefully received

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 27/01/2020 12:10

Has he spent any time alone with MIL?

What's she like as a person?

VettiyaIruken · 27/01/2020 12:13

It'll be a phase. Little children are strange things and the best thing is to not make a big deal about it.
If it was me, I'd reassure her that is really isn't personal, it's just a stage and suggest that she doesn't try to get down and play with him or hug him but just be in the room with you, chatting. Also, get your husband to stop pestering him, it may be part of the problem.

Sometimes you need to step backwards to become closer, iyswim.

Original poster
Lazydaisydaydream · 27/01/2020 12:15

@PicsInRed she's lovely. She's quite quiet but she loves kids, enjoys playing down on the floor with them etc (she has other grandkids so I've seen her with them).

She's never looked after him on her own as she has a few health problems, so if she's ever had him its been her and FIL together.

OP posts:

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Mrsjayy · 27/01/2020 12:16

Toddlers taking a dislike to people even family is "normal" maybe granny is a bit full on trying to pursuade him to come to her as you said dad is also a bit full on,everybody needs to take a step back and let the relationship develop naturally.

Original poster
Lazydaisydaydream · 27/01/2020 12:18

Thanks @Mrsjayy and @VettiyaIruken. I'll definitely have another word with DH and suggest we don't push it so much.

She is quite a sensitive person and has taken it to heart a bit, I think she's used to being the favourite grandparent with her other grandchildren so is finding this quite different!! Will try and relax about it Flowers

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 27/01/2020 12:19

Does your dh look like or have similar mannerisms to his dm?
Our ds was scared of my dh brother at a similar age and we think it was because they were very alike and it confused him.
Not so likely with a dm and her son but could be.

LangLiveThePenis · 27/01/2020 12:20

As above, she needs to step back for a bit. If you put some family photos out for him to look at and name he might get used to her. I put some in frames for my DC to play with.

qazxc · 27/01/2020 12:20

Unless there are issues with mil, I wouldn't avoid babysitting.
He might settle quickly when he is there. Maybe try it for a short time with you available to come back if he gets too distressed.
It's just a phase and he will grow out of it. My advice would be to ignore the behaviour and act as normal until it passes. Don't force them together or avoid her spending time with him.

blindmansbluff · 27/01/2020 12:21

My dd wouldn't go anywhere near my Dad at that age. He hadn't done anything wrong, just she didn't take to him for some reason. We all just used to ignore it and never pushed her into doing something she didn't want. One day he came in and she went over and said, 'hiya Grandad' like nothing was wrong and ever since she's been fine.

Graphista · 27/01/2020 12:22

Could be a phase related to being more for males at this point in his development.

But... you mention she has health issues. I wonder if that includes cancer or other chronic health conditions which are known to change a persons natural body odour?

She doesn't need to smell "bad" but just "different" and that could throw him?

ActualHornist · 27/01/2020 12:22

He’s only 2, unless there’s something you can put your finger on which it sounds like you can’t, it’s just a phase.

Chipmonkeypoopoo · 27/01/2020 12:23

My then 6 month old was like this with my dad. In the end he would pick him up and use distraction techniques until our boy was comfy with him. Could you have some of favourite toys on the floor for him to play with and then she just sit closer to him. As soon as he seems even remotely upset she should move away. It took my boy and dad a few days of solid effort to work it out.

Mrsjayy · 27/01/2020 12:23

I can see she would be hurt she loves him and wants to see him happy but she isn't doing anything wrong , is there anything he likes that gran could bring round for him to play with on his own to start with then he might start associating granny with the nice thing. You could also google articles for her to say it isn't her it is him

qazxc · 27/01/2020 12:25

Maybe if she sat down and started playing with something attractive to him, not give him any attention. He might come over to investigate / parralel play.

Justajot · 27/01/2020 12:28

Could he see her with the other grandchildren? If he can see that they are ok with her, he may join them.

tmh88 · 27/01/2020 12:33

DS was like this with my mum! It was awful! In the end she brought him a magazine and a kinder egg round 1 visit and he loves her coming to the house now Blush

Cantwaitforsummer2020 · 27/01/2020 12:35

Could MIL or FIL have hurt him or shouted at him in some way? Frightened him?
It really does sound like something they've said or some has spooked him

Cuppaand2biscuits · 27/01/2020 12:39

I could have written this myself. My son goes through phases like this. It did start at a similar age. Mil does look after him while I'm at work and often he would sob and sob when I left, refused to be in the same room as mil or just completely ignore her.
He's now 6 and when he got old enough to explain it seems he finds her a bit overwhelming. He says she talks too loud and asks him too many questions!
I've never pushed the issue and I allow him space to retreat but now he's 6 I will tell him if he's being rude.
I think it does upset mil at times but she has a great relationship with my daughter so that helps.

Mrsjayy · 27/01/2020 12:41

Nothing wrong with a magazine and kinderegg imo Grin

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 27/01/2020 12:43

My DS went through this but with one of our neighbours (who we see all the time). He's now the best person ever according to DS. It dwindled itself out in its own time. Can see why your MIL has taken it to heart but it's really not personal, just an odd thing many kids do

Mrsjayy · 27/01/2020 12:45

The op said that Mil is nice and has other GC who get on with her.

I meant to say op any attention is attention so him clinging on and making a bit of a fuss has become a routine for him you all need to re set and start again.

Original poster
Lazydaisydaydream · 27/01/2020 16:34

Thanks everyone, some great suggestions here. Feel better just knowing its a phase other toddlers have gone through!

Also @tmh88 absolutely nothing wrong with some good old fashioned bribery Grin

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/01/2020 17:53

It will pass as they say Smile

TheBigFatMermaid · 27/01/2020 17:59

My DGDs were both the same with me at times.

Now, they love me and are all over me!

I think all you can do is give it time!

LocalHobo · 27/01/2020 18:05

Could MIL or FIL have hurt him or shouted at him in some way?Frightened him? It really does sound like something they've said or some has spooked him

It really doesn’t, toddlers are fickle.

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