Another baby and start all over again or enjoy getting life back young?

[mumofoneortwo]

Hi,

So firstly, I actually don't like the expression "get your life back" when referring to DCs, as I'm not waiting for my DD to leave home. I'm actually dreading it, but anyway, I'll explain the situation...

Have a 13 year old DD and I was a young mum when I had her (early 20's) Her dad and I were not a good match and we broke up when DD was 5. Both in new relationships.

Tbh I was quite happy with having an only child and these broody feelings are actually quite recent, but they're very strong. I suspect it's my hormones going into 'last chance' mode. I'm 36 this year and for the first time ever, my cycle has become regular and I ovulate on day 14-16 every month. I can feel it very strongly and the ovulation tests confirm it. I feel like my body is giving me a gentle nudge/shove and reminding me it's now or never.

If we don't have any more DC then yes, we'll still be young when DD flies the nest, but actually that makes me quite sad. Don't get me wrong, I would certainly appreciate the regained freedom and the ability to just nip here and there when we like. Well, as much as life allows.

The thing is, I feel more ready now than I ever did before. I feel like I would actually do a good job, as I felt massively out of my depth the first time round, plus I was in a miserable relationship and still living with my parents, so never had that content family feeling. Feel awful saying this and would actually feel guilty for DD not having a more clued up and emotionally stable mum, whereas her sibling would have a different experience.

I'm in a happy and stable relationship and we are financially confortable. My DD would be over the moon, but she wouldn't have the typical sibling realtionship and at 14 plus, would maybe be more like an auntie.

The other thing that is stopping me is that I'm so worried that something will go wrong and that because I'm just going over the 'safety zone' with my prime fertility, there's more chance of abdormalites and
mc etc. I have had a fertility check up recently and all looked good currently.

I don't know what to do! Shall I just count myself lucky and enjoy the DD that I have and look forward to the next chapter with no baby or should I give into that broody pull, try for another and enjoy a very different chapter?

Any advice or experience anyone has would be really appreciated! I'm honestly so confused, but feel like we need to move fast and make a decision.

Thanks.

There are 13 years between me and my older sister, my mum had me at 39 and my younger sister at 40. We're all so close and nothing wrong with my mums pregnancies.

My mum HAS said that she was quite tired, but to be fair she had 2 under 2.

Okay, I was 38 when I had my son, not the end of the world, and as long as you are fit and healthy, I don't see a great big issue, the medical world will tell you differently.

You have the right set up to bring a baby in to, the most important being, a happy, good relationship and money. I think what you have to bear in mind, is that when you had your first child, you was in your early 20's, so now being ten years older, it does make quite a difference, I think I would have felt different had I had my son in my early 20's.

In terms of freedom and going where you like when you like, this is something one should never take for granted, I realise that often now. I guess you would have to say up what is more important, your life as it stands, going forward and having life back, do you work? If so do you enjoy it and would it be something you would want to give up, if even whilst on maternity leave? Would you need to return after leave, or would you be comfortable enough that you could stay at home, again as you mention freedom, would staying at home for a year or more feel too much for you? If you wanted to return to work, do you have childcare support, or would nursery be your option, how would that fair for you financially?
I say that because of course ten years ago, was a different situation in terms of nursery/fees, as although it's never been cheap, it has got more expensive, and although as I've found, the 15 hrs and 30 hrs arrangement is a good idea, but unless you are on benefits you get nought, because apparently those of us who have one or more income are better off!

Not sure when you will be 37, but is it something you think you could give it another year or say even 6 months if a year seems too long, and any concerns you might have over age. Just to see how you might feel, you might change your mind and then be glad that you had a bit longer to think it through.
As you say your cycle has become regular, then that is a good sign, and hopefully would not then present any issues if you did try to conceive.
What is your partners outlook on children, does he have any of his own?

@Redruby25, you've made a lot of good points.

I'm 37 next year. I do feel like if we're going to do it, time is of the essence and we need to crack on.

DP has no DCs and would genuinely be happy either way.

mumofoneortwo Aww thanks, I do go on though, I know that, I am the same with my own stuff, which is why I am sometimes pulled up on it lol. I over think things and go too far with details 🙄

Oh you are fine, so you've not long turned 36 then, you have a whole year, even if you do give it the full year or not, before you are even 37!
I had a GP tell me when I was late 20's oh better get on with it, as 31/32 was preferable limit! I wasn't even thinking of kids then, I had far too much other stuff going on then, by the time I did get to 31/32, to think about kids.

Put it this way, yes there are risks, and some bigger than others, and times one should take notice, but in terms of defects and special needs etc etc, I have known plenty of youngsters i.e 18! Have kids and plenty had babies with problems, I know some say that is lifestyle, if they smoke etc, could be true, but it happens!
I don't think with mine it was 'luck' I was healthy and looked after myself in pregnancy, and the only part that was the worse was the emergency c section at the end, again they will come up with reasons why that happened, but some of it was them rushing things, when they say you are overdue, and not actually, or that much at all, and because of them messing about trying to induce you 🤦‍♀️ which often brings on issues! I have known women young and older, fat or slim who have ended up with a c section, or an emergency!
It's all just having a bit of common sense! And the rest should be fine!

Good luck with whatever decision you make.x

Im 36 and just had my 2nd DS with an age gap of 11 and half years... Oldest DS is excellent with baby and says its best present he's ever had lol

There’s 19 years between my cousin and her brother.
She brought a lot of joy to her parents for sure ..and produced their only grandchild
If you’re feeling broody go for it
Rather than regret it later

I remember cuddling my baby girl aged 25 and thinking if I didn’t have another by the time I was 30 I wouldn’t have any more.
I ended up having two and 29 seemed quite old to be having a child..but not these days.