What's the solution here?

[poodlepoo9999]

Me, dp and my ds currently live in my house. Dp has 2 children (18 and 22) with his exw. Exw is moving abroad in a couple of months so dp's children will need to live with us.
My house is a 2 bed so not big enough. I put it on the market 10 months ago so we could buy somewhere bigger but it still hasn't sold. We've reduced the price and changed agents but still nothing. It's had a new bathroom and kitchen.
Now we're running out of time. Exw will go and the kids will have nowhere to live.

What would you do? The 22 year old has a full time job and long term gf but still wants to live with us so won't consider renting or buying with his gf.

Any ideas that spring to mind?

22 year old doesn't feel like he loves his gf enough to commit to living with her (they've been together 2 years). He also worries that if they split up he'd have nowhere to move back to.

Yes dp has some money left from the sale of his house but not loads. That will go towards the bigger house that we're trying to buy to house us and his 18 year old.

The dad needs to sort this, really. He needs to be the one looking for a bigger property to rent. And if he finds one big enough for all of you, and you and your DC want to move in with him, then you rent your house out to pay for your share of the rent (which will obviously be smaller than his share of the rent).

That way if it goes tits up you have your house to go back to.

I think the rent/rent option is probably the best one of it works financially. Nothing is going to be ideal but this seems to be the most workable one

The 22 year old needs to rent a room in a house share like any other normal 22 year old who's earning. Get his Dad to signpost him to spareroom.com. Don't let him think he's entitled to a room in your home. Your DP should not encourage this viewpoint either. It's not your fault their mother has upped and left.

Your DP does need to step up OP, and mainly as a partner to you. The burden is all on you. Are you married? You sound like you're giving up your life savings and security to accommodate your DP and his adult children.

You don should keep his room. The 18yo daughter can have a sofa bed in the living room for now. Your DP should be encouraging her to go to a uni in another city. Why on earth would she want to stay local.

It's time for them both to grow up and I think your DP is the key in encouraging this. They are his DC.

Could you rent out your house rather than sell it? Would that give you enough to rent somewhere else for all of you?

And yes the 22 year old needs to get a place of this own.

I think their dad needs to rent a house/flat for him to live in with them.

22 year old needs to be supported to find a house share. 18 year old can sleep on the sofa until the house sells as should be just a short term arrangement.

The 22 year old needs to rent a room in a house share like any other normal 22 year old who's earning

That's not normal amongst my family and friendship group, I can think of several families that have earning adult children living with them and one friend who has 2, it makes better financial sense to save for a home than waste money on rent. Me and my siblings did the same

Given that you have had your house on the market for that long and lowered the price, to be brutally honest I think it's up to your DP to find and rent a place for his children, with both of them paying - 22 year old now and 18 year old after A levels, especially if she's working over a gap year.

I would feel very strongly in your position that your 10 year old, who will change schools this year (?), shouldn't have his life disrupted any more than necessary.

I agree I wouldn’t uproot your child for what is a very temporary problem, that is a) not of your making and b) not your responsibility to fix.

You’re already housing all the children you created. Your DP needs to take responsibility here and not expect you to fix it for him.

Yeah but @coconut the OP doesn't have a room for the 22year old, even on a low rent. So they need to get responsible.

Perhaps the 18 year old could go to her mother’s new home abroad for her gap year, thus relieving of you having to find her a bedroom?

Op you should be very careful letting your own property go. I would urge you to hang on to it and rent it out. That way you have financial security. I have seen so many people give up their property and then when it goes wrong, realise they have given up their financial security and cannot afford to buy again on their own.

I do feel sorry for the 18 year old having to do A Levels under these circs.

We did mention that maybe the 18 yo could go abroad with her mum for the gap year. Don't think she's too keen to leave her friends.

Be very aware that setting up a bed on the sofa and having a whole extra person's belongings on your house will make it look cluttered and even less likely to sell.

The 22 year old says he couldn't afford to pay his share of the rent and bills either so we'd have to pay some of his too. He wants to save for a house deposit and he has a typical teenage car that he likes paying for bits for
Cute. The answer is NO.

Objectively, the solution is for your DP and his ExW to rent a property for their children. They cannot move in to your home as there is no room. That's a simple fact.

Why doesn't your partner rent a place for him and his sons ?

The 22 year old says he couldn't afford to pay his share of the rent and bills either so we'd have to pay some of his too. He wants to save for a house deposit and he has a typical teenage car that he likes paying for bits for

He’s very entitled isn’t he?!

It’s not your problem.

Your DH needs to decide if it’s his. If it is, he need to move out and rent somewhere belonging to them. You can still stay over at each other’s houses.

If your DH decides it’s not his problem, then the 22 year old needs to grow up and sort his own accommodation out. At 22 I had done a post grad, was working, paying rent and saving for a house deposit.

Either DP rents a place for him and the 18 year old (at least), or you rent out your house and you all rent somewhere together (with the 22yr old contributing). It's not fair for the 18 year old to sleep on the sofa when she's got a levels coming up, and you can't guarantee your house will sell any time soon

The 22yo is a working adult and needs to pay for his own accommodation. If that means he can’t put away savings and buy car parts then it’s tough. The 18yo sleeps on your sofa until university then goes into a house share or dorm room like any other student. She might want to live at home while studying but it’s simply not possible.

@poodlepoo9999 Right. First things first. a) What has your DP said about all this and what is he DOING about it?
b) How long have you been with him?
c) Are you looking at this with clear eyes...meaning do you really want to carry this "burden" of spoilt and entitled adult kids on your shoulders alone?

Also, if you buy a house, who's paying for it and whose name would be on the deed?

Think long and hard. You are being asked to give up your security, the house you own for you and your child, for your DP and his 2 adult children.

As others have said, this is not your problem to fix. DPs kids won't need him for long, so let him move out and rent with them. But don't give up your own child's security to accommodate them!