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Original poster

What's the solution here?

74 replies

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 08:15

Me, dp and my ds currently live in my house. Dp has 2 children (18 and 22) with his exw. Exw is moving abroad in a couple of months so dp's children will need to live with us.
My house is a 2 bed so not big enough. I put it on the market 10 months ago so we could buy somewhere bigger but it still hasn't sold. We've reduced the price and changed agents but still nothing. It's had a new bathroom and kitchen.
Now we're running out of time. Exw will go and the kids will have nowhere to live.

What would you do? The 22 year old has a full time job and long term gf but still wants to live with us so won't consider renting or buying with his gf.

Any ideas that spring to mind?

OP posts:

Peopleannoyme · 27/01/2020 09:17

Could they temp stay with grandparents or aunt /uncle ?

GloriousGoosebumps · 27/01/2020 09:17

This isn't just your problem so what solution does your DP have? The 18 year old obviously must live with you but have you asked the 22 year old how he sees living in your current house will work? Does he really want to share a bedroom with a 10 year old? As a pp said, simply lowering the sale price of your current property to the point you are practically giving it away is a poor financial decision, particularly when he will want his own place in a couple of years.

GroggyLegs · 27/01/2020 09:19

I'd suggest a family discussion where you speak frankly about the options available.

Good idea. Let the 22yo realise for himself that moving in is not an option right now. Would he qualify for any housing benefit?

FWIW I let my house to a young man who was in exactly this situation. He's now been there 10+ years because it worked really well for them, he gets his space but AFAIK he goes home for his dinner most nights as the oven & job are spotless!

bookmum08 · 27/01/2020 09:21

Could you build an extension or convert the attic?

HollowTalk · 27/01/2020 09:24

For how long has your partner lived with you?

BarbaraofSeville · 27/01/2020 09:25

I know someone who put her young adult DS in a caravan on the driveway when her family outgrew her house and moving wasn't an option in the short term - is this something you could do?

BuddhaAtSea · 27/01/2020 09:36

I would rent yours out and rent a bigger one for the family. But: you each pay proportionally. If your DP can afford it, fine. If not, he moves out with his children and you stay in your house with yours.

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 14:38

To answer a few questions.

Dp has lived with me for about 4 years.

I don't have a dining room to turn into a bedroom.

The 18 hrs old is in her last year at a levels then plans on taking a gap year before going to uni but is going to the local one as she doesn't want to live away.

There is no space with any other family that they could live in.

OP posts:

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 14:38

We don't have a drive to put a caravan on either. This would have been a great solution.

OP posts:

purdypuma · 27/01/2020 14:43

Thinking outside the box a bit but I have a 2 bed terrace with a loft big enough to convert into a spare bedroom, is this an option & then he could pay you rent? Alternatively could your house be rented out? Hoos you find a workable solution

AdaColeman · 27/01/2020 15:00

Why is it your responsibility to home these young people?

Their mother and father should be sorting it out for the 18 year old and the 22 year old should be finding his own solution.
The whole family are massively taking advantage of you poodle.
Why should your son's life be disrupted in order to satisfy the demands of these young adults?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 27/01/2020 15:07

I recon the 22 year old will soon change his mind about not renting his own place when he doesn’t have a bedroom and is sleeping on the sofa op. The 18 year old is obviously trickier. Can you out the 10 year old in with you temporarily and give their room to the 18 year old?

Can you move agents and put your house on the market with a different one? Could you rent your house out instead of selling it and buy another house to live in?

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 16:41

We've already changed agents once.
This would only be a temporary solution until my house sells so don't want to be doing extensions etc (not that we've got the room anyway).

There's a whole other issue about whether we should be buying a 3 or 4 bed house too. I feel the 22 year old should be getting his own place permanently.

OP posts:

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 16:43

I feel like it's my problem as it's my house that dp lives in. Surely that makes it my problem?

OP posts:

Purpleartichoke · 27/01/2020 16:49

I would expect a 22 year old who is working to secure their own home. Dad is definitely responsible for providing a home for the offspring still in education.

I’m disturbed that dad has been living somewhere without room for his minor child. I would suggest be move out and get a place he can accommodate his child and actually be a parent.

Khione · 27/01/2020 16:59

No it doesn't make it your problem at all.

He is 22 it's his problem. Your house, you don't have room - his problem.

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 17:14

Dp lives in my house because exw forced the sale of the family home and due to splitting financial assets with exw on divorce he couldn't afford his own place. He had his kids for a few years on his own in the family home before exw forced the sale. He has paid maintenance and other stuff on top for the whole time they lived with their mum as well as spending time with them etc so I'm not sure why you're saying he should step up and be a parent.

OP posts:

GloriousGoosebumps · 27/01/2020 17:16

I don't think that anyone is saying that you shouldn't be trying to find a solution to the problem, it's more that your dp, who is the father of the children, isn't coming up with a solution, (other than to use your home to fund a larger home for his children). If the children's mother is leaving the country in a few months then dp needs to be proactive.

IdleBet · 27/01/2020 17:17

Did you feel under pressure for DP to move in?

Don't have the 22yr old, I know by experience. Realistically there's nothing you can do so stop feeling guilty about it.

Oh and don't buy a 4 bed house just to accommodate another adult.

BornInAThunderstorm · 27/01/2020 17:21

22 year old needs to grow the fuck up. Sounds like the mother is moving away to get away from an adult child who expects to be looked after still.

Renting the property out and moving into a rental sounds like your best, immediate option to accommodate the 18 yr old

fedup21 · 27/01/2020 17:22

DP needs to find somewhere to rent for him and his children to live.

Original poster

poodlepoo9999 · 27/01/2020 17:29

Exw has babied both of them. They are very young for their age. She does all their cooking, cleaning, washing etc. That probably explains why neither of them want to find their own places.

OP posts:

BornInAThunderstorm · 27/01/2020 17:33

Well sounds like she’s trying to pass the problem on to you and your dp.

You need to have an honest chat with dp, if you move to find space for both children not only will you end up with two adults relying on you, I bet you’ll soon after find yourself housing the eldest’s girlfriend as well. Then you’ll never get them out.

It’s a completely normal thing for 22 year olds with full time income to have a flat or houseshare. Please don’t feel guilty about not including the eldest.

Feelsdeadpeople · 27/01/2020 17:35

DP must have some money from the sale of the house, though?

FabbyChix · 27/01/2020 17:38

The 22 year old can live with his gf surely? You buy a three bed but their dad needs to come up with money towards it

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