What would you say to the parents of your child's bully...

[Teaandtampax]

...if you had the opportunity?

I’d tell them they need to take their heads out of their arseholes and parent their kids effectively.

Nothing. I did try to talk to her so that we could try and help them resolve things amicably, as they'd once been close friends, and it made things so much worse.

The parent of my middle child’s bully is my youngest child’s pastoral manager 🙄.

Tried but was told that “boys will be boys”. No your child will be a little bullying violent shit because you implement no disciple at home. I’m proven right as 4-5 later their child is the one doing crap at school, regularly excluded and didn’t have lots of after school detentions best not anymore as the parents refuse to put up with going out of their way to collect him after detention.

Did have detentions.

Nothing. IME they will refuse to believe their child was in the wrong so it's hard for them to say anything that will make you feel better.

Get this sorted as if it happens again I will be round to bully you. Everytime it happens.

To all the parents of all the girls who make digs at mine:

Your DDs may be clever, or good artists, or good at music or sport. They may be quick witted, or pretty or whatever. But they're not kind. Sort it out.

You need to open your eyes and ears. See what he's doing, hear what he's saying. Instead of making excuses because you don't care you thick cow

Yes sadly I imagine those parents who are told that their children are bullies and (a) investigate / believe it; and (b) punish them accordingly are in a minority.

WhoEatsPopTarts that's appalling. Our SENDCO's daughter is also a bully. It makes by head spin.

I'm not sure anything good ever comes from talking to the parents but in a way I wish they could be made to listen to some sort of victim impact statement.

One of us is going to make this stop, it's best for everyone if it's you.

What I did. 'Girls will be girls' is a cop-out, and we need to educate and help our girls be better.'

Did sweet bugger all though.

Their loss.

No point because they refuse to believe anything bad about their daughter.

Despite all evidence from other children and occasional staff witnesses they appear to 100% believe the very implausible tales or excuses their daughter comes up with.

Despite the exact same issues continuing in the new school (they moved schools because they felt teachers and the head were unfairly treating their daughter due to past incidences of bullying - before she learnt to not openly bully others in plain sight of staff), they believe the oversensitive, attention-seeking, physically weaker and younger children and children with SENs are still all conspiring to get their child into trouble.

The new school has cctv.

DS bullied a child.
Nobody told me.
I figured it out years later when I became friends with the victim's mum. She didn't tell me either, I just clued up that DS had been a bully's sidekick from some things she said.
About a year later DS became close mates with the former victim.
Sometimes the story isn't simple.

lljkk did you really have no idea that your DS had it in him to deliberately make another child's life miserable?

I don’t think it is that simple. My eldest was bullied horribly on a school trip when he was 11years. I dealt with it through the school - but years later that bully is known to have very severe depression and at 22 his life is not going well. We live in a small city and you hear about people which is how I know this.

So I guess he bullied my son partly because of his own unhappiness. Don’t think the parents are always to blame.

Yeah bullying isn't that simple at all. But parents thinking children can do no wrong doesn't help. You can normally see where obnoxious children get it from tbh. And some bullies accuse others of bullying them as soon as the tide turns.

Get some fucking dignity, it is not necessary to behave like an animal. Life will be easier for you and the criminal you are raising, if you learn some manners.

I spoke to mine. I rang to ask if her son was ok, as he was acting a bit oddly... I detailed the behaviour and asked if everything was ok at home as this didn’t seem normal for a child of his age (13). She sighed, thanked me for letting her know, stopped his pocket money and grounded him. She said he’d been a nightmare since turning 13. I agreed that 13 was tough and I hoped for her sake he’d grow up a bit soon, just like my dc had (and added a bit about how wonderful my dc was, how sensible, responsible etc). She asked me to let her know if anything else happened. It went really well, actually, and no more problems.

It is so complex I think the best thing to do is separate the children.

The mistake I made was thinking it could be resolved. One a child is bullied they will always feel anxious around the bullyeven years later.

Apparently its fine because my son is a bit weird and kids will be kids

She works in the fucking school

No point she thinks the sun shines out of his ass despite the fact he’s on reduced timetable at school and only attends 2 lessons per day. I’ve heard from several sources she can’t handle him so no point,. He’s only in year 7, physically assaulted my son, he walks down the corridor swearing at others and has pushed other students from other years, he’s been excluded more than 7 times I know about, yet he’s still there. What happened to 3 strikes and your out. She’s fought the school at every turn despite the evidence against him. They are trying to move him to the special unit school but we are still waiting. They changed his start time so he wouldn’t be near any of the kids he hurts and she tried fighting it, I’m not about to compromise when my sons timetable has been changed slightly already so they aren’t near each other when my son is the victim why should his life get uprooted.

That sounds awful but like the dc has really serious challenges including sen. Not that this is helpful at all to your son who deserves better. But I'm not sure it's his parents fault entirely as she has to fight for his education and he clearly needs a specialist place which these days are as rare as hens teeth. I'm sure none of us would easily cope in reality. It's a level above the queen bee syndrome that some parents bizarrely even encourage/ seem proud of.

My dcs bully recorded himself doing it so his parents can't deny it. Police are involved now, want us all to meet. I want them to know how much its upset all of us - it's been going on for ages - his own fault for getting caught as he provided his own damning evidence

Stronger76 that's just horrific. Sending strength for you.

All of these accounts are so sad. It's so sad that children are still going through this in this day and age and the adults responsible seem no more able / willing to tackle it now than then.

For us Teateaandmoretea this is spot on:

It's a level above the queen bee syndrome that some parents bizarrely even encourage/ seem proud of.