Sorry this is long. I am having a bit of a rough time since DS was born before Christmas.
Easy birth, home really quick, even though he was born at just shy of 37 weeks.
The only issues I’ve had have been with breast feeding and weight gain - the weight gain has resolved itself after we introduced formula top ups.
But I am constantly obsessing that something is wrong with him :(
First I was worried about his temp and breathing, standard newborn stuff. But now it’s like everything he does I over analysis and google and then panic it’s something terrible.
Examples include the twitching he does in his sleep, and the fact that since he turned a month old his arms and legs sometimes sort of twitch or tremble for a couple of seconds, usually when he’s falling asleep or sleepily feeding. I am currently worrying these are seizures.
Same goes for the fact that when he’s sleepily feeding/falling asleep or just waking up his eyes roll back a little it’s almost like he’s still asleep but with his eyes open /m- again paranoid this was seizures.
He has bad wind but I was paranoid the straining and writhing he does isn’t wind but something else terrible. He has been diagnosed with silent reflux but I keep thinking that it won’t be that and it will be something serious misdiagnosed.
He wouldn’t be settled yesterday and wouldn’t nap and was crying and whinging all day, which I KNOW is normal in babies and they all have days like that but I convinced myself again that he’s in pain or there’s something going on with him.
He was breech and born by emergency c section and since he was born he’s always straightened his legs and kind of tensed/locked them then flipped them back into the frogs legs position (common for breech babies as that’s how their legs were in the womb) he still does this leg locking thing when changing his nappy and sometimes when breast feeding or when I lift him up suddenly under the armpits. Again, I’ve been worrying about this.
I literally worry about everything, sometimes so much that I feel sick. I feel like I’m not enjoying him because of it.
Each time I panic about something new I’m convinced that this is It, The Terrible Thing that’s going to take him away from me.
I take pictures of his dirty nappies because he’s gone through a few changes on that front and each time I panic it means he’s ill or there’s something wrong with his digestion.
He’s passing wind a lot from his bottom, again I can’t just see this as normal wind, in my head he’s passing it way more than he should be and it means something is wrong. It’s been quite smelly the last couple of days (we changed formula) but I can rationally think it’s because of diet changes, I immediately jump to thinking it’s something serious.
Same goes for when he has a day when he doesn’t eat quite as much - or on days when he seems to be constantly hungry.
I have no point of reference for babies so This is all new, as I’m sure it is to a lot of parents, but I feel like the way I’m feeling and obsessing can’t be normal? I know we all worry but this feels all consuming.
DH thinks he’s absolutely fine and it’s all normal newborn development stuff. He doesn’t seem to worry like I do, and I feel like I’m worrying to an obsessive level. When I’m alone with him during the day it’s all I think about and it’s like I’m finding new things to worry about every day.
I have previously experienced health anxiety due to a later pregnancy loss and I feel like it’s all transferred into DS. Am I going to be like this forever? I feel so low, like I’m just waiting for him to be taken away from me by some terrible thing and that I won’t spot the symptoms and get him the help he needs in time so it will all be my fault. :(