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Please help. Is this a normal level of new parent anxiety?

49 replies

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:14

Sorry this is long. I am having a bit of a rough time since DS was born before Christmas.
Easy birth, home really quick, even though he was born at just shy of 37 weeks.

The only issues I’ve had have been with breast feeding and weight gain - the weight gain has resolved itself after we introduced formula top ups.

But I am constantly obsessing that something is wrong with him :(

First I was worried about his temp and breathing, standard newborn stuff. But now it’s like everything he does I over analysis and google and then panic it’s something terrible.

Examples include the twitching he does in his sleep, and the fact that since he turned a month old his arms and legs sometimes sort of twitch or tremble for a couple of seconds, usually when he’s falling asleep or sleepily feeding. I am currently worrying these are seizures.

Same goes for the fact that when he’s sleepily feeding/falling asleep or just waking up his eyes roll back a little it’s almost like he’s still asleep but with his eyes open /m- again paranoid this was seizures.

He has bad wind but I was paranoid the straining and writhing he does isn’t wind but something else terrible. He has been diagnosed with silent reflux but I keep thinking that it won’t be that and it will be something serious misdiagnosed.

He wouldn’t be settled yesterday and wouldn’t nap and was crying and whinging all day, which I KNOW is normal in babies and they all have days like that but I convinced myself again that he’s in pain or there’s something going on with him.

He was breech and born by emergency c section and since he was born he’s always straightened his legs and kind of tensed/locked them then flipped them back into the frogs legs position (common for breech babies as that’s how their legs were in the womb) he still does this leg locking thing when changing his nappy and sometimes when breast feeding or when I lift him up suddenly under the armpits. Again, I’ve been worrying about this.

I literally worry about everything, sometimes so much that I feel sick. I feel like I’m not enjoying him because of it.
Each time I panic about something new I’m convinced that this is It, The Terrible Thing that’s going to take him away from me.

I take pictures of his dirty nappies because he’s gone through a few changes on that front and each time I panic it means he’s ill or there’s something wrong with his digestion.

He’s passing wind a lot from his bottom, again I can’t just see this as normal wind, in my head he’s passing it way more than he should be and it means something is wrong. It’s been quite smelly the last couple of days (we changed formula) but I can rationally think it’s because of diet changes, I immediately jump to thinking it’s something serious.
Same goes for when he has a day when he doesn’t eat quite as much - or on days when he seems to be constantly hungry.

I have no point of reference for babies so This is all new, as I’m sure it is to a lot of parents, but I feel like the way I’m feeling and obsessing can’t be normal? I know we all worry but this feels all consuming.

DH thinks he’s absolutely fine and it’s all normal newborn development stuff. He doesn’t seem to worry like I do, and I feel like I’m worrying to an obsessive level. When I’m alone with him during the day it’s all I think about and it’s like I’m finding new things to worry about every day.

I have previously experienced health anxiety due to a later pregnancy loss and I feel like it’s all transferred into DS. Am I going to be like this forever? I feel so low, like I’m just waiting for him to be taken away from me by some terrible thing and that I won’t spot the symptoms and get him the help he needs in time so it will all be my fault. :(

OP posts:
Sumsuch · 24/01/2020 07:17

He was an easy home birth?
Or he was CS and breech?
Which one?

Magpiefeather · 24/01/2020 07:19

@sumsuch I read the OP as she had an easy birth, home quick (as in they weren’t kept in hospital long)

Imtootired · 24/01/2020 07:21

I think it’s normal to worry about your baby but if you’re actually unhappy because of it maybe you do have post natal anxiety. Completely understandable with what you said about a previous loss and a c section. Might be a good idea to talk to a doctor about it. Maybe you could also join some mums groups in person and online so you can talk about things to do with your baby and find out if others experience the same things. Newborn babies shaking and their eyes opening and rolling are pretty normal. I hope things get easier so you can enjoy this time.

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nocluewhattodoo · 24/01/2020 07:22

Didn't want to read and run, all of what you've said sounds normal but I understand your anxiety given your previous loss. Have you spoken to your HV about your concerns and how you are feeling? That would be my first port of call, as the HV can reassure you with what's normal. If it persists then talking to the GP may be the next step, you don't need to suffer with postpartum anxiety - they will be able to help you.

For what it's worth we used to call DD 'froggy' because of doing the leg thing you describe (in fact her uncle bought loads of frog themed gifts for her because of it), and no matter what I tried I never got a burp out of her, she would only fart Grin

I made DP keep his bedside lamp on for months so I could clearly see DD in the night as I was quite anxious about her grunting and twitching Blush

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:23

@Sumsuch sorry that was written badly, we had an easy section and were home really quick the day after

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Catrescue1971 · 24/01/2020 07:25

All of my babies have done the eye rolling and twitching things. Friends of mine have talked about it too, loads thinking epilepsy. It isn't - it just happens.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:27

Thank you, I feel like I’m going mad.
I have spoken to midwife and health visitor, the health visitor isn’t great as she really stressed me out when he wasn’t gaining weight and made it seem really really serious, then when I saw my midwife and GP they said it was fine.

I have a referral for the mental health midwife but that could take a while.

Everyone who has seen him says he is a perfectly healthy baby but that just makes me think how do you KNOW you’re not with him all the time, you don’t see everything.

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Sumsuch · 24/01/2020 07:27

Oh!

Well then in that case, it sounds like your birth was a bit traumatic if it was an emergency C Section.

It's no wonder you're anxious now. Be kind to yourself. I would talk to your health visitor and see if there is any support?

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:33

I basically went into labour naturally and progressed so quickly they had to change it from an elective that afternoon to an emergency. It didn’t feel like it was traumatic at the time but it was so quick from having him to being home... i think I was a bit dazed especially with him being early

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aNonnyMouse1511 · 24/01/2020 07:33

He sounds perfectly healthy to me. Both my babies eye rolled and twitched when falling asleep.

It sounds like you have post natal anxiety. Perhaps speak to your GP about getting a referral? And speak to your usual HV about how you are feeling. They will keep an eye on you and offer you more support.

It will get better x

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:34

Is it stupid that I worry about talking to my GP about it because I think that if they know I have anxiety they won’t take me seriously if I take him to the doctors with concerns and will write it off as me being anxiousX even though my doctor is really good

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Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:38

I also feel like I don’t want people to think I’m not coping, I thought I’d be so much better than this

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Herringbone31 · 24/01/2020 07:40

I was like this. I spent nearly a year in hospital after my child was born. Due to some health issues. Which meant I didn’t bond very well. As I wasn’t with my baby. I spent nearly a year terrified they’d be taken away from me. I wouldn’t let anyone touch them. Breathe on them. I even hated it when someone looked in the pram. I obsessed over everything

I was diagnosed with PND. Because of the problems we’d both had at the time of the birth. I was under the high risk pead doctors. I confined in her. My health visitor was useless. Did the same as you. My child had terrible weight gain. Hence why we were under the pead drs. She took me seriously. Told me to sack off the HV. Come see her. She dealt with the lot.

I went on to have another child and I was a different person. Relaxed. Calm. Happy. I didn’t over worry.

I had therapy. I didn’t want to take meds. So with incredible hard work. The help of others. I managed to do it

You need to let someone know how your feeling. Have you been to the gp? X

Herringbone31 · 24/01/2020 07:41

My gp was amazing. I would worry about my child. I remember once seeing him because she had a hot body. Yet a normal temp. He helped me massively. They can and will help. Don’t worry. They are there for that x

TheNoiseHurts · 24/01/2020 07:42

I couldn't read your whole post because I can barely keep my eyes open thanks to my baby DS teething.

But I just wanted to reassure you about the twitching. It's normal newborn responses.

All three of mine did this, and even though I knew that, I still found myself googling it when DS3 was born just to double check.

It's normal.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 08:01

@Herringbone31 that sounds so so tough I am so sorry you had to experience that and glad your GP was so good.

@aNonnyMouse1511 thank you x I am familiar with the eyes burning can barely keep them open feeling

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x2boys · 24/01/2020 08:10

I worried like this with both my boys but I do have health anxiety anyway ,I still worry and they are 13 and 9 now if it's overtaking your life a visit to the Gp might help.

x2boys · 24/01/2020 08:14

And I don't think any Dr would dismiss the anxiety of a new mum I think they would rather examine a healthy baby even if the mum is anxious than miss something ,ime they do take parents seriously especially when babies are so little .

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 08:22

Yes I think it’s definitely linked to my health anxiety, which I haven’t always had and was linked to my previous loss.

Currently worrying because his nappies have gone a bit peanut butter brown and changed texture (he’s combo fed and we changed formula) it just feels never ending, I’m always fixating on something and it’s exhausting.

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Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 10:58

I also think it’s much worse when I’m tired which is obviously all the time at the moment !

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Woollycardi · 24/01/2020 11:03

It's such a big transition to get used to, so go easy on yourself. It's completely normal to worry, this is a massive responsibility you have, to look after a little human. No one will think you're not coping if you speak up about being anxious, in fact you will most probably find there are many others around you who feel similar. For most of us it's a bit of a survival experience, interspersed with moments of awe and such intense love.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 16:27

Thanks @Woollycardi it really is and I’m really struggling with it.

I hate seeing him all squirmy and tense and red after every feed (which I think is the reflux) and not being able to comfort him and then because he’s not moving naturally, probably because he’s in discomfort I start thinking he’s having a seizure or something.

Dh is really patient with me but I can tell he’s getting a bit weary of it because I’m like it all the time and all I talk to him about is the new thing I’ve noticed or am currently fixated on/convinced is wrong.

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Geraniumblue · 24/01/2020 18:35

Look up Morow reflex for some reassurance- that’s your baby beginning to settle into sleep.
Don’t worry about seeing the g.p - both for your worry and your baby. G.p’s tend to be very understanding of new mums. I took mine quite a bit at first and then less and less as I learnt more and worried less.

ForeverBaffled · 24/01/2020 19:01

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was (and am) exactly the same, but two years on, and I empathise with everything you wrote. Feeling that way is exhausting and constantly distressing. I’ve had CBT this year which has helped to an extent - if you continue feeling this way that might be worth considering at a later date.

Over the last two years I have probably worried about tens of different health conditions (from cerebral palsy to infantile spasms. Autism was a big one as was/is muscular dystrophy.) So far none of them have been founded - they have all been in my head despite how real the fear is at the time.

Sending a hand hold Flowers

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 19:26

Thanks @Geraniumblue he does do that, but also other jerks and twitches but I think it’s just nornal baby stuff (in my saner moments). He has silent reflux as well and seems to be a bit tense and twitchy around feeding/ stffening after feeding when upset so I think that’s all linked

@foreverbaffled thank you for posting that it literally me. Convinced every twitch is infantile spasms. Freaked out about eye rolling even though friends have said their babies do the same and posters on here too. It really is exhausting and it’s making me feel like a total idiot and an utter failure - I feel sick with the worry most days and it’s worse when I’m home alone I think I just spend so much time with him I study everything and over think it

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