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Please help. Is this a normal level of new parent anxiety?

49 replies

Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 07:14

Sorry this is long. I am having a bit of a rough time since DS was born before Christmas.
Easy birth, home really quick, even though he was born at just shy of 37 weeks.

The only issues I’ve had have been with breast feeding and weight gain - the weight gain has resolved itself after we introduced formula top ups.

But I am constantly obsessing that something is wrong with him :(

First I was worried about his temp and breathing, standard newborn stuff. But now it’s like everything he does I over analysis and google and then panic it’s something terrible.

Examples include the twitching he does in his sleep, and the fact that since he turned a month old his arms and legs sometimes sort of twitch or tremble for a couple of seconds, usually when he’s falling asleep or sleepily feeding. I am currently worrying these are seizures.

Same goes for the fact that when he’s sleepily feeding/falling asleep or just waking up his eyes roll back a little it’s almost like he’s still asleep but with his eyes open /m- again paranoid this was seizures.

He has bad wind but I was paranoid the straining and writhing he does isn’t wind but something else terrible. He has been diagnosed with silent reflux but I keep thinking that it won’t be that and it will be something serious misdiagnosed.

He wouldn’t be settled yesterday and wouldn’t nap and was crying and whinging all day, which I KNOW is normal in babies and they all have days like that but I convinced myself again that he’s in pain or there’s something going on with him.

He was breech and born by emergency c section and since he was born he’s always straightened his legs and kind of tensed/locked them then flipped them back into the frogs legs position (common for breech babies as that’s how their legs were in the womb) he still does this leg locking thing when changing his nappy and sometimes when breast feeding or when I lift him up suddenly under the armpits. Again, I’ve been worrying about this.

I literally worry about everything, sometimes so much that I feel sick. I feel like I’m not enjoying him because of it.
Each time I panic about something new I’m convinced that this is It, The Terrible Thing that’s going to take him away from me.

I take pictures of his dirty nappies because he’s gone through a few changes on that front and each time I panic it means he’s ill or there’s something wrong with his digestion.

He’s passing wind a lot from his bottom, again I can’t just see this as normal wind, in my head he’s passing it way more than he should be and it means something is wrong. It’s been quite smelly the last couple of days (we changed formula) but I can rationally think it’s because of diet changes, I immediately jump to thinking it’s something serious.
Same goes for when he has a day when he doesn’t eat quite as much - or on days when he seems to be constantly hungry.

I have no point of reference for babies so This is all new, as I’m sure it is to a lot of parents, but I feel like the way I’m feeling and obsessing can’t be normal? I know we all worry but this feels all consuming.

DH thinks he’s absolutely fine and it’s all normal newborn development stuff. He doesn’t seem to worry like I do, and I feel like I’m worrying to an obsessive level. When I’m alone with him during the day it’s all I think about and it’s like I’m finding new things to worry about every day.

I have previously experienced health anxiety due to a later pregnancy loss and I feel like it’s all transferred into DS. Am I going to be like this forever? I feel so low, like I’m just waiting for him to be taken away from me by some terrible thing and that I won’t spot the symptoms and get him the help he needs in time so it will all be my fault. :(

OP posts:
Dennisreynoldsduster · 24/01/2020 19:26

Meant to say I’m sorry you had this too forever

OP posts:
Dennisreynoldsduster · 25/01/2020 04:39

Feeling a little better tonight so thank you for your kind words and reassurance

OP posts:
TartanMarbled · 25/01/2020 05:42

It's entirely usual to feel the way you do, though it doesn't feel nice. I was the same and my advice (really changed things for the better for my me) is to go out on your own for 1 hour a few times. This seems to "break the spell" in some way. I hope this is helpful.

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Dennisreynoldsduster · 25/01/2020 05:45

Thank you @TartanMarbled I will try that
I have a very supportive and hands on DH so it will be easy to do this

OP posts:
Chipmonkeypoopoo · 25/01/2020 05:53

How you are feeling doesn't sound typical to me. To worry is one thing. To worry about everything to the point of illness is not healthy. I really hope you get the help you need. In the interim maternal instinct is such a useful tool but you need to tap into it amongst all the other stuff your brain is doing. Try to tune out all the noise you hear when you notice a new behaviour in your baby. Definitely do not pick up your phone to Google. Try to sit with the new behaviour or observation and wait until the panic passes. Just sit silently and take deep breaths through your nose. Long inhale and a longer exhale. Just think about the breathing and wait until the moment passes. For the record, my boy does/did all the things you mention and he's a perfectly happy and healthy 7 month old now.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 25/01/2020 05:55

@Chipmonkeypoopoo this is exactly it, I can’t tell what’s anxiety and what’s instinct so I just go into overdrive over everything
That’s really good advice thank you

OP posts:
Southmouth · 25/01/2020 07:01

@Dennisreynoldsduster I could of wrote this post 4 years ago. You sound exactly how I felt and DS did all the things you have been worrying about also. Especially the twitching out in his sleep, he still does it now, in fact my 2 year old also does.

I would still see the GP though for yourself and DS, I think you’d feel better for it. But I do think he sounds like a health little baby.

I’m a natural worrier though and always see the worst in everything so I do really sympathise for you feeling this way.

Flowers
Chipmonkeypoopoo · 25/01/2020 11:39

I wish you the best of luck. Honestly your baby just sounds like a regular baby.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 26/01/2020 05:35

Thank you
I’m definitely going to seek help
It seems worse when I’m on my own with him
I had a really good day today then was on my own for a couple of hours, he got himself in a bit of a state after a feed and when DH came down I was crying because I was convinced he was having infantile spasms because he was moving his arms and his leg a bit erratically. DH had to show me child development info that said at this age they are still erratic and jerky when moving and it took a good while for me to calm down
I don’t want to be obsessively studying his every little move and obsessively googling then scaring the crap out of myself.
I think I’ve realised I need to get a grip on things as I’ve started thinking he will be better off without me and that if anything ever WAS actually wrong it would be my fault because I’ve almost made it happen from thinking everything is something. Which I know is irrational madness.

I’m not eating much either I’ve struggled with appetite and having to really force myself to eat.

I feel like a bit of a wreck to be honest and I am so so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Chipmonkeypoopoo · 26/01/2020 11:10

Please don't feel that way and please be kind to yourself. Having a new baby is hard work. Hard work. Everyone has doubts and worries but your baby needs you and you're the best mum for him. Please see your GP this coming week and be honest about how you are feeling. It does sound like you may have post natal depression. Nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of women have it. It's hormones and tiredness and anxiety and all that can just be too much. Look after yourself.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 27/01/2020 16:57

Thank you the doctor wasn’t very helpful today he made me feel stupid and said it’s just parenting. He wasn’t my usual doctor who is lovely.

It’s so much worse in the evenings.

I’m now sitting here worrying because he straightens his legs out and stiffens them when I’m changing his nappy/ sometimes when he starts feeding or is crying. He was breech with little curled up legs and has done it since he was born but it’s the new thing I’m fixating on even though I know newborns movements are random and jerky.

I’m seeeing the health visitor Wednesday Nd will rebook in to see doctor when my actual doctor is there

OP posts:
Sophi123 · 02/05/2021 16:50

Hi @dennisreynoldsduster Appreciate this is an old thread but I am 100% feeling how you described here over a year ago and so just wondered how you are feeling and how things have turned out now. Did you get help and/or did you manage to improve your anxiety?

Jane88b · 16/09/2021 18:39

I too am exactly like this. I could have written this post to a T with my and my DS.
I have previous HA diagnosis for many years before I had DS. X

surreygirl1987 · 16/09/2021 23:17

I had health anxiety after my first son was born. I didn't realise how bad it was until I had my second son and didn't experience HA this time. What you are describing sounds very much like my experience or HA. I obsessed, I constantly Googled, I took photos of dirty nappies and videos of my son's movements. It made me really unhappy.

Jane88b · 24/09/2021 20:37

@surreygirl1987 - how did you overcome this? I’m constantly moving onto the next thing to worry about and google the life out of it.
From RSV it IS to even reflux. This isn’t normal.
I’m a single mum and doing it solo xx

Jane88b · 24/09/2021 20:38

@Sophi123 - how are you doing now? X

surreygirl1987 · 25/09/2021 08:06

@jane88b honestly I don't think I overcame it until I went back to work. I think I needed a different focus. I've always been very career minded so I think having only the baby to focus on wasn't actually good for me, and was part of what led me to obsessive health anxiety (plus he was born with a couple of issues which freaked me out but he's fine now). That said with my second baby I didn't worry at all... I think it was because by then I KNEW how different babies are and how things that seem weird are actually just babies.

It is really really hard. I think it's good though that you are recognising that your behaviour isn't normal as I didn't really realise this at the time at first. I think we need to recognise we have health anxiety in order to overcome it. Speaking to a doctor about it and having anxiety medication is something I probably should have done at the time, and maybe speaking to a therapist (although that would have been tricky when I had the baby with me 24/7!).

Sorry that might not be that helpful! I really feel for you.

VaguelyInteresting · 25/09/2021 08:12

Ahhh OP... Google “postnatal anxiety”. It’s very different to PND (although GPs often get them mixed up so PNA is under diagnosed) but it needs specific treatment.

I had it and chose therapy rather than medication - mine was very severe and I was in therapy for quite a long time (because I also had PTSD due to childhood abuse, which was what triggered the PNA, so it was more about that really after a while) but I’d say therapy helped from day one, and was through the worst of it within about 3 months.

VaguelyInteresting · 25/09/2021 08:13

Oh just seen that it’s a zombie thread... hope the OP is feeling better though...

R0tational · 25/09/2021 08:23

Sad zimbie thread - hope OP is OK - seems like she needed some help for post natal anxiety and her GP fobbed her off :(

R0tational · 25/09/2021 08:23

Zombie!

Jane88b · 30/09/2021 09:55

@surreygirl1987 thank you for your message. I can absolutely relate, I’ve spent my whole life focusing on my work and I don’t have that atm.
Did you go onto medication? I’ve got my follow up next week so it’s something I want to look into.
I too had a few problems before a planned C section due to anxiety. Xx

surreygirl1987 · 30/09/2021 19:49

I didn't go on mediation at the time, no. In fact I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling. I should have done. I've recently suffered from anxiety though (bot health anxiety but general anxiety regarding new job) and I have recently started taking anxiety medication. Too soon to say if it's helping!

Very best of luck to you - it's tough feeling like that.

Daisy155 · 15/09/2023 20:11

Thank you for sharing this !

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