Busy 6.45am-9.30pm?? Am I adulting wrong?

[GotAnyGrapes17]

Evening,

Guess I'm looking for tips or just to know it's not me.
It's dawned on me today that I am literally "busy" from the moment I get up to when I go to bed. I don't watch TV until we go to bed when I fall asleep in front of it.
I work 8.45-5pm and have one DD who is 10.
It seems a never ending cycle of cooking, cleaning, washing, bag packing and tidying up again.
Disclaimer- I don't have a dish washer and I won't do frozen/convenience food. I do try to to batch cook, and two evenings a week involve clubs/tutor.

Any tips?

Lots of washing and bag packing going on. We're a household of 3. DH currently works 7-3 and I do roughly 08.45-5. My commute is about 45 minutes, including carrying my bike up to the flat and putting it away. Flat living is a magnificent timesaver. No stairs to hoover or tote things up and down.

We have a dishwasher but no tumble drier. DS (11) not dry at night which can generate a load of washing a day. If he's dry we only need 3-4 loads a week.

I'm sorry but a bath for an 11 year old is not a job really. Someone turns the tap on, if your water pressure is like ours you go and do something else for a while, turn tap off, tell child to get in, go and do something else for as long as suits, tell child to get out, tell them to get dry and into PJ's and let you know when they're ready for books/cuddles. "If you want me to read to you, make it snappy cause I'm tired and I want to watch my programme in peace" (spoiler - he is always read to regardless).

When DH was on a previous shift pattern, there would be weeks when I got in with DS at 18.15, both tired and hungry and didn't see DH for a week. It is hard. I built a repertoire of slow cooker/re-heats or 15 minute meals or something you can stick in the oven and you get on with something else while it's cooking, at least you're not stuck watching a pot.

My day:
06.45 - alarm goes off, make tea and return to bed, this counts as me time.
07.10 - realise I should have woken DS 10 minutes ago so I mustn't get cross with him if we run late. Wake DS, tell him to get in the shower if necessary. Maybe stick a load of washing on. Get dressed and breakfasted and cajole DS to do the same.
08.00 - Leave the house. Should have been 15 minutes ago but I sat in bed drinking tea. Good job I'm on flexi. DS makes his own way to school.

18.00 ish - return home, due to DH's shifts he collected DS and will be making dinner. Minor jobs such as taking dry laundry down or putting wet laundry up and happen.
18.30 -eat dinner
18.45 - load dishwasher, wash remaining pots, tidy kitchen while DS slowly finishes tea and does any outstanding homework. If homework done he fiddles around winding down.
19.45 - DS into bed. Some input required to ensure PJs on, read to him etc. DS reads in bed by himself, occasionally chased up to have final wee, clean teeth etc.
20.00 - Flop in front of TV. DH and I have a slow race about who will go and do the final goodnight and lights out.
21.00 - DS final lights out and cuddles. Peace for parents.
22.00 - DH and I to bed. His alarm goes off at 5.15.

Yes, we could do with cleaning the floors and bathroom more often. Oh well. Very little gets ironed.

I'll add, as a single parent you must be shattered. When DH had horrible shifts I designated one night easy night and we had the likes of hot dog butties or a chippy, whatever is quick, easy and creates minimal washing up. However hard the other nights were, I'd be thinking "well, it's Thursday tomorrow and we'll get a chippy on the way back from swimming and I won't have to wash up."

For everyone else, if you don't have a tumble drier, you won't want to save up laundry for the weekend. I find it much better to stagger it through the week, I avoid more than one load a day. It takes a little planning but once you're in the habit it's fine.

Basically you are making work for yourself, you are doing way too much housework and washing for 2 people who are outside of the home for most of the day.
Most of these jobs can be blitzed quickly at the weekends.
If you can bear it you need to lower your standards and start cooking quick meals, there are plenty if you searc online.

I'm in a similar position OP. However I would find it difficult without a dishwasher and a washer dryer. Is there anyway you could get either without making things worse money wise? i got my washer dryer on a 0% credit card with 2 year guarantee and I just use it like a dishwasher and put it on daily, It has a timer and an eco setting.

Do you take an hour lunch break at work? Would you be able to cut this to half an hour a couple of days a week so your DD could come home slightly earlier? Or if you have to have an hour make sure you use it and focus on yourself.

I know your daughter is busy but I think you need to introduce chores to her daily schedule. Start small with things like making her bed, or sorting clothes from the airer. You need to be a team. Otherwise she will get to 18 and still won't be sharing the load. She is going to have homework until then.

Your dd doesn't need a bath every day, a shower most days would be far quicker and save energy and water too.

Don't wash up the breakfast things when you get home from work, wash them up with the dinner things later on.

You absolutely do not need to do that much laundry so often. There's only two of you.

Set DD up with homework ? She is plenty old enough to just get on with it herself.

followingonfromthat OP doesn't have a shower, only a bath.

Another thought, can your daughter have a cooked meal at lunchtime at school so you can do something quicker in the evening, and you do the same at work?

At 10 I would doubt a bath a day is really necessary - could you make it every other with a good wash in between?

I'd stop doing so much during the week - if you want to get a cleaner that would help, but I would make an hour or two at the weekend cleaning time and get the rest of them to join in. DD could help with dusting, your DH could be doing ironing while you do something else.

I'd say drop your standards as well

I make a point of finishing at 8.30pm each night (work FT, one DS) and having some time to myself - TV/reading/long bath.

2 people in our house -

Washing gets done on a Friday night/Saturday morning.
That is usually 2 loads - 8 tshirts/shirts, 4 pairs of trousers, 10 under wear/10 socks/2 bra, possibly 2 jumpers and odd items of clothes.
Sort into light dark - one wash on Friday night ready to go out Saturday, next wash on Saturday morning or Saturday night. Extra wash might be needed for towel/bedding etc.
If you don't have enough clothes, then do a midweek wash.

Full house clean on a Saturday morning (or if DD is at a club that would be a good time) - dusting, wiping surfaces, hoovering, mopping.

Batch cook - cook large amount on Monday, reheat Tuesday (10mins prep top)

Breakfast dishes (2 bowls, 2 spoons, 1 mug) get washed up with the dinner items in the evening.

Midweek clean if needed, decluttering surfaces, sweep mud from entrance way etc. Wipe bathroom whilst DD is in bath.

Bag packing should take 5 minutes tops with both of you doing your own (plus you supervising).
Can you create a list of everything she needs, laminate it and let her tick it off as she put them in?

When I was a student we had a rubber shower attachment that you stuck on the taps, you can get them from amazon for about a tenner. We used to just sit in the bath and have a shower. I think if she's having a bath every single day this would be a great investment, you'd save a ton of hot water.

Or if budget/landlord (?) permits fitting a shower would be a worthwhile investment. Even it runs off the taps.

Having lived with and with both, I'd rather have a dishwasher than a tumble dryer.

with and without both

@Ottilie thanks, I didn't spot that bit about having no shower.

Hi all,

Thanks for all the replies, most helpful!

Loads of great tips- I think I def need to get up a bit earlier, which will buy me a bit more time at the end of the day.
DD could def do with taking on a few more responsibilities- I think I've just got into a rut where I feel like it's quicker if I just do it 🙈.

Unlikely that I can invest in things such as a dishwasher, cleaner, tumble dryer just yet. And I think that's why I do washing everyday- as I hate having washing hanging around drying.

Thanks again

I would move all routine cleaning to the weekend and get DD to help. Hoovering, cleaning floors etc only needs to be once a week and there is a great sense of satisfaction in getting it all done, which you never get if you constantly do little bits here and there.

Do you think you have reasonable standards? There’s a lot of have a tidy rounds within the day. I just don’t bother that much in the week and have a couple of hours at the weekend to hoover, do bathrooms, dust. Also is it for monetary reasons that you have to wash uniform and work stuff daily - that seems a faff and a pressure.

Get a dishwasher and used frozen food.

Haven't read the whole thread, and although I only get up at 8am (no children, short commute, very quick at getting showered & dressed, no breakfast/cup of tea etc)
I don't have any downtime until 9pm when I basically run out of energy and if I'm home I start getting ready for bed and watch an hour of TV (can't read, too tired to concentrate).
So sounds pretty normal to me!

There is nothing wrong in using frozen/convenience food - frozen vegetables can be healthy than fresh and they make life easier. Have Friday as your frozen pizza night?

@Gwynfluff I probably have enough stuff for uniforms/work to last a week. Maybe need to do one wash mid week. But it's more I don't have a dryer so wouldn't get enough drying time just a weekend.

Could you wash them all Friday evening and then get them dried over the weekend?

I only do laundry at weekends. Family of 5. That really helps. Batch cooking on Sunday also helps make life easier during the week. Could your child avail of a homework club?

I can't help thinking even a small table top dishwasher would help a lot.
Also dd is old enough to make her own bed and tidy her own bedroom at the weekends.
I would also start getting her to do some cooking.
A slow cooker is useful a couple of times a week.
Maybe look over team TOMM and see if you are cleaning too much?

I don't have a tumble dryer either. I put a load on in the morning on a timer so it finishes around the time we finish evening meal. It goes up on a rack after we eat and it's dry and ready to fold when I get in from work the following day, or even in the morning. I do DS stuff Friday evening and mine Sat evening. What little needs ironing can be done on Sunday when it suits.