Busy 6.45am-9.30pm?? Am I adulting wrong?

[GotAnyGrapes17]

Evening,

Guess I'm looking for tips or just to know it's not me.
It's dawned on me today that I am literally "busy" from the moment I get up to when I go to bed. I don't watch TV until we go to bed when I fall asleep in front of it.
I work 8.45-5pm and have one DD who is 10.
It seems a never ending cycle of cooking, cleaning, washing, bag packing and tidying up again.
Disclaimer- I don't have a dish washer and I won't do frozen/convenience food. I do try to to batch cook, and two evenings a week involve clubs/tutor.

Any tips?

@caulkheaded yes for the sake of writing it out I be put washing 2x a day but in reality yes, sometimes that will be sweeping, running the steamer over the floor, hoovering, wiping round bathroom. Generic things.

@WoollyFoolly yes you are right actually- those 15 mins are pretty peaceful. DD doesn't do loads in the way of jobs, but she still has an hour ish of HW, and only really has half hour of electronics. She will pack her bag, sort her snack etc and walk dishes out. She packs bags with me. Most days I'll have a bag to take, she will have a bag plus a sports kit, plus instrument etc, different club bag. I seem to spend half my life packing bloody bags!!

Why do you do so much laundry? We do 3 or 4 loads at the weekend, that's it. Unless there's bedding/towels which will be another 2 loads. Family of 4. But I bought a washing machine with a huge drum that can fit a weeks worth of laundry in one go.

@WoollyFoolly I have said that I've put quite a lot of washing in that list! Realistically some days replace washing with hoover, quick wipe around the bathroom etc. Probably still do one load a day though- a set of school uniform and a work outfit is pretty much one load.

@Clymene that sounds lovely- but can't afford either! Plus don't think I even have space with plumbing for a dishwasher.
I def should cook more at the weekend to batch freeze though

That seems an awful lot of stuff for 2 of you.Especially when you are both out moat of the day.

What i would do is do 1 big chore a day.
Wash your breakfast things when finished with them,save you doing it when you come back.
I think 40 mins of HW a night is insane.She needs more downtime.

You have a similar situation to me. I work full time, up at 6.30, 50 minute commute each way, home at 6, finally sit down about 8.30/9 pm. My DS is also 10. It seems to be the norm to be honest. I'm hoping it'll be easier once he starts secondary school in September.

There's only two of you. There should only be a couple of dishes in the morning quick wash of them before work.
While cooking dinner clean up as you go. Have a sink of soapy water ready for you.
You are doing too much cleaning unless your house is huge.

@Dustarr73 yes, you are totally right. Unfortunately it's a very competitive school....all the other children do that much, but they go straight home from school. I think she is potentially the only one in her class with a full time working parent.

@Clymene I'd like her to go to bed earlier, but then really she'd have no down time at all. Plus she is terrible at falling asleep and is often still awake at 10.

@KilburnOriginal thank you. I was beginning to think I was really going wrong somewhere. My commute is only 20 mins so very lucky in that respect.

It does seem like you spend a lot of time in the morning getting ready. An hour and a half seems a lot when you are already getting clothes etc ready the night before. Maybe I am just unusually quick but I would think I could do what you have listed in an hour without being too rushed.

You are cleaning and washing way too much. My kids have 3 school shirts and 2 skirts/trousers. That should last a week unless in exceptional circumstances.

My cleaner comes every other week and I don't do much in between times. I clean the loos, wipe round sinks and do a quick hoover but that's it.

The reason you have no free time is because you like everything immaculate. That's the price you pay.

Your dinner time is too late. Have dinner more like 6.30 and your DD can get to bed earlier.

Can she do homework at wrap around?

2 outfits is not a whole load of washing.

I get 2 under 3 ready and out in the morning in less time than you, I don't know how you are taking so much time,

@Hercwasonaroll no homework at wraparound unfortunately. I'd be interested to know your morning routine, if you don't mind sharing?

I think you could probably do a lot less cleaning and laundry (I know you said it's not as much as you said initially, but even one load a day seems excessive to me). For just two of you, mostly at work/school during the day, I can't see why you need to clean so much. Perhaps your standards are quite high.

I think your dd should be doing her homework at the homework club, even if it means dropping one of her activities. It just sounds like you both have quite regimented routines - and if that works for you both, then it's fine of course - but if you feel like you need a bit more free time then it's also fine to drop a few things - or even to save all but the most necessary jobs and spend a couple of hours catching up on the weekend or something?

Bills could be done by direct debit and cooking you might be able to save time on. I use a lot of frozen chopped vegetables to make things these days and it's really time saving. Jacket potatoes also can be a quick and easy dinner. I think someone upthread suggested a slow cooker which is a good idea.

I’m constant too. Full time, demanding job with a commute, dh has his own business, both of us train hard fitness wise, kids do a ridiculous amount of very muddy sports too (never ending kit washing and training sessions!) and we have a big house to keep on top of plus two dogs, it never ends and I’m pretty exhausted at the moment. But this stage won’t last forever, in a few years when the kids are teens and sorting themselves out and the dogs (and maybe us!) are old and lazy we will probably look back and miss it. Or something.

I'm another thinking your DD is going to bed late.
You need to build up a list of fast meals.Stir fry,rice or noodles,pasta(precook the sauces and freezer in 2 portion bags.).Preprepared frozen food for other days .
Less washing,there is just me and DD and We wash at the weekend.
We used to do spelling homework on the way home and repeat on the way into school.Times tables the same.Otherwise she shouldn't have that much homework however competitive the school.
If you then do the dishes when DD bathes,pop her in bed at 8pm the sit on the sofa,do no more chores this is your unwind time and more important than any cleaning,tidying.

That's a ridiculous quantity of homework more appropriate to secondary age towards GCSEs. What does the school policy state about homework?

It does seem like a lot of cleaning and washing. Is it Fly lady where once a week there's an hour's worth of jobs, 6 x 10 minutes, ncluding changing sheets on beds, and then that's the core things done for the week? What do you do on weekends? I would enlist your DD in you both spending an hour on a Saturday morning on house cleaning then you're done all week.

You won't be keen, but get a dishwasher. All sorts of eco options now. I held out for years and now love having one.

Have one early night a week for both of you and have a supermarket pizza that night. Even one good night's sleep in a week can help buoy you up.

My routine - this is worst case as DH usually covers either drop off or pickup. But when not on pickup, work late so don't nec get back the time.

610 up and shower, brush hair do face
630 Get baby dressed in parallel with DD getting ready.
645 breakfast
700 clear breakfast, pack any bags
730 commute incl drop off school and nursery
0920 arrive work
1600 leave work
1750 arrive home with kids
1800 kids tea (sandwich or leftovers)
1830 kids bath
1900 baby to bed
1910 DD quiet time. I clear kids tea stuff
1930 DD to bed
1940 prep adult tea (or just relax if DH turn to make tea)
2015 eat adult tea in front of tv. Sometimes fold washing too.
2200 clear things away and bed. If I'm feeling organised I'll pack bags for next day.

Leave most washing to weekend. Have cleaner and dishwasher.
1940-2200 is my fave time of day. Even clearing away the dinner stuff I love as am no longer 'on' once kids in bed
Admittedly house is a bit of a mess

700 wake up and shower (if hair washing I shower night before)
710 get dressed and do teeth
720 breakfast for me + kids (sometimes put washing on/dishwasher)
735 dress both children
745 get stuff in bags
755 get into car /kids picked up (depends on day)

I have 5 DC and don’t spend nearly as much time on washing as you. I put a load on in the morning, pop it in the tumble dryer when I get in (cheap ones is £100) and then fold into basket after an hour. Whole thing takes 10 mins a day. Then we all put away our own washing at the weekend.

Also if your DD is having a hot meal at school then a quick tea in the evening, omelette, beans on toast etc. Maybe a few more substantial dinners a week if you want but always make double to put away for another day.

Looking at your routine, these are the adjustments I would make:

6.30 alarm, 6.45 get up. When the alarm goes off, get up. So 6.30. Make your bed. Shower, dress. Nip down stairs and pop the kettle on, start the washing machine.

7.00 Make sure DD is up, remind her to make her bed. She could also get dressed now. Whilst she is getting up, prep breakfast. Whilst you are prepping breakfast, run the sink. Make your tea.

7.05 Eat breakfast.

7.20 You both carry breakfast things through. DD takes washing off dryer etc. You wash up.

7.30 DD finishes getting ready. Do your makeup now. Say 15 minutes?

You now have a few spare minutes in the mornings. You could prep veg for dinner or stick something in the slow cooker, put the washing out.

8.15 leave the house.

5.30 Get home. If DD has been at wraparound can she do some homework there? Instrument/sports kit etc, bags by door for the next morning as you come in. Set DD up with rest of homework. Check on dinner/ switch dinner on. Help with homework. Make sure DD packs her school bag back up. Admin. Run sink.

6.00 Eat

6.30 DD gets any breakfast things ready she can (bowls, spoons, cereal boxes, your tea mug except milk and water) and then she can have her screen time. You wash dishes, any last bits. Load washing machine ready to switch on in the morning.

7.00 DD bath, you put your washing away. Leftovers will be cool, do lunches now.

7.30 Give DD her washing to pop away. You could wash and change now. Once she's done that and made sure her room is tidy. You can chat for a bit and then she reads until 8.30. She sleeps.

At weekends, you spend 15 minutes in each of bathroom/ kitchen/ living room together. Blitz. She is old enough to dust, hoover etc. She can then dust and hoover her bedroom and strip her bed while you do yours. She folds washing and you can take care of any big jobs like cleaning the oven.

Just giving her a couple of daily chores (making her bed, getting breakfast things ready, packing her own bag, putting her own washing away and cleaning her room) that take a couple of minutes each will still give her plenty of time, but will buy you extra time as well. It will also teach her a level of independence, organisation and responsibility. She'll have the benefit of her mum not being completely knackered all the time.

I'd definitely say your DD could do more to help, maybe not on school days, but if you save up the laundry and some of the other housework you could do it together on Saturday mornings, which would free up some of your week nights to relax a bit more AND give her a great opportunity to learn all those life skills she is starting to need now. You could even suggest she cooks one night a week?

However, you're a single parent. Give yourself a break! It's hard, sounds like you are doing great, just need some time to relax.

You could even suggest she cooks one night a week? This is a brilliant idea. Even just topping some pizza bases with sauce, cheese, ham and a few veggies and making a salad.