What do you say to someone who complains about how busy they are...

[Yadaaday]

..when they don’t work and don’t have children?
Someone I know (being vague) constantly complains about how busy they are, how they are just so rushed off their feet all the time and they barely have the energy to cook a meal on the evening etc. I was sympathetic at first as they had been through a tragic event, but it’s getting tiring now and I’m finding it hard not to roll my eyes when they start up.

What the fuck are you meant to say? I would love them to spend a day in my shoes and see how tired they feel then!

MIL is like this- doesn't work or have many commitments, kids all grown up, little involvement with grandkids, gets up late morning, does 1-2 things (sees friend for coffee, book club type things) and is 'absolutely exhausted, 'rushed off my feet''so busy'.

I just grit my teeth and ignore!!

There's not a lot you can say - otherwise it just ends up in an 'I'm-more-tired-than-you' battle. DH and I, and other parents we know who have 2 or more SENG children, and both parents work, regularly roll our eyes at people like this, but they're never going to get it, because they haven't lived through it.
Perhaps the only thing you could say if they've said it more than three or four times is to kindly say if they're really tired, perhaps they need a holiday, or to get their vitamin levels and blood count from the GP?

*That's SEND children, obvs.

"Mmmm" in a vaguely sympathetic but not very interested tone.

What are they claiming to be so busy with?

ask them what the hell they do all day???

It’s really starting to get on my nerves and I’m losing all patience. It’s the arrogance of it, the way they say it demanding all sympathy.

They have one relative that they take to doctor appointments etc, but this is at most 2 times a week. The amount of huffing and puffing that goes along with this is infuriating!

You could try being a bit nicer.

Competitive business is very dull from anyone.
Ignore and change the subject

Yep my mother. She is soooo busy with a trip to the supermarket or hairdressers. I have literally had her on the phone just now and can’t possibly see me this week as far too busy.
She is retired she is not busy.
She will also do the I am more tired than you thing , even if I have done a nightshift without any sleep either side because of child care juggling.
Sorry for rant but I have literally just got off the phone and want to scream in frustration. She is also being pretty selfish at the
Moment and basically living up to the self centered baby boomer generation image.

Feeling continually busy, under pressure, stressed etc can symptomatic of a range of mental health issues. So what you say to them could depend on your relationship to them. But generally you could keep in mind that it's not about you. So "spend a day in my shoes" isn't likely to help anybody.

We have a a guy at work like this. Has no family (parents both deceased) friends he rarely sees. But he has to let us know he's been in since 5am and is constantly exhausted. Goes home to no one else, doesn't go out, doesn't do a lot. He thinks because I only work part time and have a two year old, its not possible for me to be as tired as him. I just make sympathetic noises and ignore. We are all tired for our own reasons. I don't get this whole "I'm more tired than you" game people insist on playing.

Sort out your work life balance you knob, normally!

Some people revel in the martyrdom of it all.

Say 'Sounds awful for you' and walk away. Once you've done this 2 or 3 times, they, like anybody else with any other problem, will walk away from your dismissive attitude.

Or, as suggested by a previous poster, you could be nice.

You say they've been through a tragic event? Maybe they just feel overwhelmed

I’ve never said anything along the lines of spend a day in my shoes, or got in to competitive tiredness. I’ve always been sympathetic and helped where I can, but as my life is getting busier and they are asking me to do more for them because they need a break, it’s getting annoying.

Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. I don’t think they will ever see how dramatic they are being, think they enjoy being the victim or martyr.

My mum is like this. Retired since she had my sister 50+ years ago but somehow manages to be busier than both of us. I have given up trying to reason with her and let it wash over me know. At 82 she's never going to change.

When my DD comes across someone like this I tell her to act more penguin...

What tragic event have they been through?

You have no idea what’s going on inside - they may have terrible mental health issues and really be struggling

Really wish I could explain how nice I’ve been but I don’t want to out myself. I’m not being kind now because it’s gone beyond a joke. They expect so much.

Ugh, I hate this. And then they go on to tell you how they hate drama

smile, nod and empathise.

A simple sentence like "Life is so hard sometimes", or "Doesn't time fly past too quickly when you are so busy?" is usually all that is needed to show a bit of support without "getting into things".

Or perhaps "How can I help?"

I'd just say something non-committal and change the subject. Shirley has a point. Maybe they're telling you how they feel rather than trying to outdo you?

Not saying this is a good thing, but sometimes people may feel there's a kind of social obligation to be visibly "busy", and if you don't appear to be, it could somehow make you less "acceptable".

That said, there's no reason why you have to agree to help, if you've already done as much as you can or wish to. Do you say no some of the time?

Really wish I could explain how nice I’ve been but I don’t want to out myself

How can anyone give you advice without further detail? This is a little “PM me hun, don’t wanna talk about it”

Did you ask what has been taking up their time? They might be busy with things that you can't see.