What do you say to someone who complains about how busy they are...

[Yadaaday]

..when they don’t work and don’t have children?
Someone I know (being vague) constantly complains about how busy they are, how they are just so rushed off their feet all the time and they barely have the energy to cook a meal on the evening etc. I was sympathetic at first as they had been through a tragic event, but it’s getting tiring now and I’m finding it hard not to roll my eyes when they start up.

What the fuck are you meant to say? I would love them to spend a day in my shoes and see how tired they feel then!

It depends though.
I remember my grandparents listening to dm who was saying we were going to be busy, and nodding "yes, we've got a busy week too. On Tuesday we're going to the hairdresser and we really must post a letter by Thursday".

But having the attitude that no one who isn't a parent can't be busy and rushed off their feet isn't right. I was speaking to someone today who says they didn't realise how busy they could be until they retired. They volunteered for a lot of things when they retired and are now knee deep in running several groups and doing more.

Also I'm less busy now than I have been, but actually I'm quietly struggling with stress which is tipping towards depression at times. I know I'm not that busy-less than previous years, but I feel terribly busy and totally exhausted, and really can't concentrate on doing more.

Always got time to complain though. Kids dad does this, 2 hours a week he has them (his choice) spends 20 mins moaning bout how busy he is. Not too busy to get himself a shagpiece but so busy he has to pollute my ears with it on his kids time

Can I just say that in their brain it really does feel like they have been that busy and life is that difficult for them.

I'm not saying you need to support them, but the smile and wave really is what to do - you cant reason your way to explaining that they're not actually that hard working!

Having a relative that's so ill they have to take them to the doctor twice a week is probably very draining.

If they're asking you to do more for them as they're busy, just say oh shad me I'm exactly in the same boat as you, rushed off my feet and I don't have time.

I know you can still be busy without children, but they do add extra stress and time on a person so it felt right to add.

It’s literally stuff like having to go to the post office, taking relative to a doctor appointment etc.

Going to go with a ‘hmm’ and change the subject approach, thanks.

I’m the past I have laughed and said ‘me too and I also work 40 hours a week’ ha ha ha

What are they asking from you, OP?

Normally smile and nod. Whether people say they're busy is no indication of whether they're busy, some people use "busy" as an answer to "how are you?" and it's absolutely as meaningless as"fine". Other people are exhausted by a trip to the supermarket to buy food for two meals for two people because the less you do the less you can do, although the same task might be exhausting for someone else due to mental or physical illness.

I hate the "me too and I work 40 hours too" (even though I work full time) because it's deliberately obtuse especially if both parties have preschool children - if your child is in childcare outside the house or you have a nanny who feeds and tidies up after the children the working parents are not doing the same tasks as a stay at home parent and working too, they're paying someone else to do the working hours childcare and don't have the mess and cleaning created by children mainly at home. In that case both parties do the same amount.

In Yadaaday 's case it does matter and smile and nod isn't working because the other party wants Yadaaday to actually take on tasks to provide help to alleviate their "busyness" and Yadaaday doesn't want to do this because it would mean her being overloaded to help someone who actually does very little.

Either the person Yadaaday is complaining about has a possibly undiagnosed health problem or very poor coping skills indeed, or this is a cheeky fucker situation...

I know what you mean op. I work ft, 2 teens, no cleaner, no car.... i am busy but i dont want to turn it in to a sport.