Looking for ideas to enjoy life without friends

[Lookingforideas7]

Has anyone else found they have been rejected in every walk of life by friends? Sometimes I feel sad about it. It must be me of course as I am common denominator. I think I must just be a bit annoying. I think I need to find other things in life I can enjoy without friends. And try to just enjoy my own company as much as possible. As I can’t handle any more rejection. I love to draw and paint. Maybe I should start doing that again. What other things could be enjoyable on my own? I have never done much reading, but if anyone can recommended easy reading uplifting novels? I think I am just posting in the hope of someone replying to say hi really .

If you want to make friends there's sites like meetup where people organise things in their local area for people to meet up for cinema trips, meals etc.
I don't have any friends that I meet up with ever, just some online ones and a couple of penpals. Like everything else people have mentioned, I watch movies, make sure to spend at least one night a week doing my hobbies, I've been teaching myself to paint with online tutorials, I like to run, walk my dogs.

I think I do want friends really. I just recently lost touch with my best (only?) friend from school and I am still really sad about it. But she just never contacts me and and I just don’t think she wants to see me anymore and I can’t force the friendship if she isn’t interested

If you like knitting and crochet go to your local yarn shop. Do a workshop, join their knit and natter group. It's a great way to meet new people

Thank you. It’s nice just musing over a few ideas with people

I had counselling to help me understand friendship relationships which helped - I had unrealistic unwritten friendship "rules" which if my friends didn't comply with I felt sad and left out. Of course these unwritten rules were completely unrealistic when I examined them and now a have a new rule "a friend can only give, what they can give and no more" this makes my expectations of them more realistic rather than over expecting - and then being disappointed when they didn't behave accordingly

We’re social animals so we need some kind of social contact with others.
Try some groups for things you like. Go to meetup.com and search for any groups you might be interested in. Sometimes it’s enough that you get together with others regularly, have some interaction and if friendship develops, then that’s a bonus.

I think if you focus more on finding hobbies that you actually enjoy doing you’ll naturally come into regular contact with people who are similar to you. I have a friend who sounds a bit like you, she’s lovely but she can be a bit intense and as an introvert I find it tiring to be one:one with her. However she is very content to attend lots of things by herself- concerts, conventions, shopping, art classes, tai chi, etc. Through these things she has found her own fluid network of likeminded people but she doesn’t rely on any of them for friendship, they’re just bonus company if they’re there at the same time as she is. She doesn’t have a best friend, just lots of people around her with different shared interests.

Definitely explore your own interests. Just for you, to have lots of things in your life that you enjoy and not to make friends. You’ll find that you become more comfortable in your own company and that any new friends you do make will be more likely to share your passions.

Stupid smiley face. That should read one to one!

I had counselling to help me understand friendship relationships which helped - I had unrealistic unwritten friendship "rules" which if my friends didn't comply with I felt sad and left out

I think what @Whitegrenache says is important -- sometimes you can see in other threads by Mners who say they can't make or maintain friendships that they have very stringent/demanding unspoken 'rules'. Or simply, because they have very few friends, and/or little experience in friendships, they overinvest in a new friendship and the other person feels suffocated.

If you decide you do want to make friends, OP, some targeted sessions with a good counsellor might help you understand your own assumptions about/expectations from friendships. Or whether you don't maintain friendships because fundamentally you don't want or need them?

Op I have two friends and people I know but not good friends.
These two best friends I've only had in the last three years.
Before that it was just the dc and they would ask why don't I have friends lol So embarrassing until not when they want to do things with me and get a little jealous if I make plans with my friends which isn't very often.
My dc are 12 &15.
Having to many people take organisation and bring issues.

Church? Join your local Ramblers chapter? Gym classes? I met one of my now best friends in a gym class.

I second hobbies, as mentioned by others. I have a large social group through that that I never would have had without it.

Some excellent suggestions here, so I would just add one or two things. The main one being this: never not do something you'd like to do because you have no one to do it with, or because it is an activity that is normally done in pairs or groups, or because you might feel silly doing it on your own.

Secondly, have you considered volunteering for an animal charity or adoption centre? Very rewarding if you like animals.

I don’t think I suffocate people at all. I am quite aloof. Or have high expectations of friends. I may be wrong about that of course. Generally if I make a proper friendship it sticks for a long time. My best friend from school for 25 years until we drifted apart. Uni friend for 25 years. It’s more making them in the first place that is the problem I would say. I have a feeling I am a bit blunt in the things I say and I say the wrong thing. I am not very good at small talk. But I am just not sure if I can change myself enough now as I am who I am really. I could improve a little maybe. I think the advice that I should be following interests is a good one. I have tried to make school playground friendships and that really hasn’t worked.

If you like children, how about volunteering with Guiding or Scouting. They are always crying out for help.

I also have no friends OP. I sometimes meet people I’d like to be friends with but I have no idea how to proceed. Truthfully I don’t try any more because I’ve been rejected so many times.

I joined my local parish council, the social interaction is very structured which suits me. We have monthly meetings and I also attend some things as a parish representative eg the mayor’s summer tea party or a planning consultation. And I do solo hobbies such as reading and gardening (which is absolutely not just a summer hobby). I also take DC to hobbies where other parents and kids attend, the other parents aren’t friends as such but we do talk.

Op you shouldn't change at all.
I'm loud, crude and silly
Df1 is loud, very gay and silly
Df2 is quieter, cut throat in her responses, and very very laid Back.

We work very well as friends.

Be you. It's your life. No one should make you be anything else.
Also there are meet ups groups, I went with my dm and they go to lunch, cinema etc.

Check it out

I'm another introvert and as I've got older I want less and less people in my life! I'm probably also a bit "odd" and while I can make friends, I get bored in their company as I don't tend to meet people who enjoy the things I do. Having the same old talks around work or TV shows I don't watch just feels like a waste of energy. I'll come home from some social event and my DD will say "did you have fun?" and usually, if I think about it, no I didn't really. So now I rarely bother. I wfh so I got 2 cats to keep me company. They fit the bill perfectly! I do a lot of the things already mentioned, reading, crafts, jigsaws etc. I don't feel lonely but if I ever do I would probably do as some pp's have suggested and join something like a knitting club or a walking group.

I don’t have a single school playground friend either OP. I wouldn’t worry about that- it’s only children the same age that you have in common - there’s little else there to form a friendship around.

Come to think of it I didn't make friends in particular at the school gates. I did a lot of socialising, usually at school events, and met a lot of people but not many became coffee friends ie 121. I had a great time - lone parent BTW - but that was that, no lasting close friendships came from it. Which is fine by me.

I think that’s part of why I am thinking about this. My eldest is nearing the end of primary and I am realising that for all the play dates and class coffee meet ups etc. I can’t really see me keeping in touch with any of the mums once the kids move to secondary. All that time invested in trying to be friendly with other parents. But maybe that’s not so uncommon?

No it isn't uncommon imo.

So, hang on, you 'invested' time being friendly in order to make friends??

How about you talked to people because you liked them and what they had to say?

I can relate to much of that OP, I've also always been an introvert and never had a busy social life. I have a couple of friends I speak to fairly regularly online and meet up occasionally but most of the time I'm on my own.

Do you like animals? Having a pet is amazing for companionship and can also help you connect with others (people you talk to when walking a dog, online communities for cat or guinea pig lovers etc.). Or as someone else mentioned above, volunteering for an animal rescue is a good way to meet people while you're doing something worthwhile - you can have a chat over a cuppa during a break etc.

I think a lot of people these days meet likeminded people online through shared interests and make good friends that way - with people you wouldn't otherwise meet in your everyday life. There are FB groups for pretty much everything! Hobby groups of all kinds, general mum groups, even groups for clothing brands or authors you love. It's easier to connect to people if you have that shared interest/experience.

are you going to start telling me off for not having the right intentions? I am not really sure what the right answer is here. I was just trying to get involved in school comings and goings and getting to know people. Was I doing something wrong ?

Sorry I mean I was trying to get to know other parents with shared interest of doing the best for the kids.