Using maiden name again

[daintytoes]

I know I can google, however coming to MNers as I like the advice that goes along with the information

I have recently separated from my husband and although I have seen a solicitor I have not yet started the divorce ball rolling.

We married 5 years ago and I will be moving out of the family home.

I really really don't want to continue using my married name (in all honesty I actually wish I'd never changed it in the first place). I'm just wondering whether I can just go back to using my maiden name once I've changed it with the bank, DVLA, work etc? Or do I need to wait until the official divorce papers are through?

Also, can I go back to using Miss or will I be a Ms?

Thanks

call yourself whatever you want.
miss, ms or mrs, you choose

I reverted ot using my maiden name and just informed eveyone of such and used me marriage certifictae (which obviously has boht names on) if they wanted any 'proof'. I did have a few people who tried to insist I give them a reason and where was my Decree whatever but I just stated that I was was reverting to my maiden name, which was my official name anyway.

IME a lot of companies are not really sure of name changing peocedures and think it's more official or complicated than it is

oldraver thank you.

I can't wait to go back to my maiden name again.

I remember reading in here that your maiden name is always your legal name and it is merely a social convention to use a married name. Therefore you are perfectly within your rights to use either at any point. Banks etc want to see paperwork in order to prevent fraud but iirc they cannot object, as such.

I just used my decree absolute and birth certificate

Driving licence first then everyone else. I found banks had different rules so went to shut the account ( easier to open up new account) and bank suddenly could change name using DA and birth certificate after all

Passport is ok to leave, jyst book tickets in married name until passport runs out

You can refer to yourself however you wish but you may need marriage or birth cert (original or formal copy, not photocopy) and decree absolute as proof for different things.

Banks have been the most strict.

My advice would be to do as much as you can in one go. Doing one thing here, one thing there is a pain.
It's not good to rock up somewhere and not know your name.
It's things like store cards, the library etc that get forgotten.

I just started using my maiden name again and informed anyone who needed to know. Only my mortgage provider asked for something in writing from my solicitor.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

After about a year of marriage I really regretted changing my name.

I now can't wait to shake his name off forever

To be honest I would start now and if you need just say you are reverting yo your maiden name coz you want to.

I think if you tell them you are getting divorced they may make you wait until you have your absolute

Ah thank you oldraver I'll definitely keep that in mind.

No kids together, so I'll be able to shake his name off for good.

I'm actually really excited about using my maiden name again...so much cooler than his

You could be me from 5 years ago 😆 my first move into changing back (after being pressured to change it upon marriage) was to change it on Facebook. ExH was PISSED OFF! Apparently I should have consulted him. Errr...! After that I just started using it, and changing it formally here and there whenever it came up (so didn't phone any companies for the express purpose of changing, but did it as and when). The only thing left in my married name is one bank card, and my drivers licence. Didn't have any problems with it.

I reverted to my maiden name after divorce. The only organisation I had a problem with was a mobile phone company that insisted they needed a deed poll from me. I had to insist on speaking to a manager and tell them their policy wasn't correct.

I'm getting this on my to do list!!!

Hi allcrimps!

My passport has always been in maiden name (expires in 4 years) and I think a couple of other things I never got round to changing but I'm sure it won't take long to change my name on what I need to. I'm moving out of the home so don't need to worry about utilities or anything.

I've deactivated myself on FB for the time being, mostly because I was sick of it. But have changed my name on IG (he's not on it).

Unfortunately I'm still living in "our" home. I have a 16yo dd (who has her dads surname) and we will be renting asap while waiting for something suitable coming on the market to buy.

I had no idea this was so easy. Genuinely didn't know if I'd have to wait for the official divorce to be finalised!

I know this may sound weird, but my DF passed away 8 months ago and the thought of going back to my old surname fills me with joy. I have 1 sister who has changed to her married name, and my female cousins (bar one) have changed their name. Male cousins all took their dads surname. I was always quite sad our family name would die out..but not any more

I genuinely cannot EVER see myself committing fully to another man again so my maiden name will be here to stay! I honestly couldn't live with another man again.

It’s just so good you are reverting back. So many women I know don’t revert back, they say it’s for the kids, however I think this is the smallest reason. It’s maybe trying to still feel like a family with one guiding overarching leader, the husband. I get it but it’s good to see women being more confident in their own names again. Identifying as youself.

My DPs Ex made quite a big deal of never changing her married name of DPs, and would refer a lot to her as Mrs DP And her DPs name family and we DPs name on social media etc. So much so that I actually felt uncomfortable calling our child DPs surname, it felt like it already had a hold on it or something! And DP didn’t mind so our child has my surname. And now we are separating and it’s great we are all wildchristmas surname.

wildchristmas we don't have any kids together, so double bonus!

There's a woman in my work who got married 4/5 months ago and kept her maiden name and title of Miss. I really like her however I was so envious of her choice!! I really wish I'd made that decision 5 years ago.

I actually had a conversation with stbxh a year in to marriage, about reverting. And he wasn't happy. He's so old fashioned in many ways...one of the reasons why I'm moving on!

I got a phone cover a couple of years ago, one of those marble effect ones with your initials on. He was NOT happy that it has the initials of my first, middle and maiden name on it

Calling tomorrow about a rental property...wish me luck!! Currently on our old mattress on floor of the spare room, been there for about a month.

Good luck!

You sound like you have spirit. I was quite surprised, disappointed I guess when I realized none of my friends had kept their maiden name in marriage and all kids had their fathers name. I could understand, I wasn’t zealous about keeping my name or anything, I just thought we were moving into a more equal society where everything was more shared, parenting, name taking etc. I felt exposed as ‘extreme’! When I’m not extreme kind of person.

However I do think that psychologically it’s quite powerful, a name. Our name as women. It’s yours for your whole life isn’t it? And as you said, it came from your father who recently died, sorry to hear. I think he would have liked that, you being proud of your name enough to revert back. It shows you are not depending on anyone but yourself and are being brave and facing the future.

Good luck

I changed my name back to my previous name due to not having got round to changing passport and driving licence. It was a short marriage.
I did it by Deed Poll online and it it cost about £30 I think including all the extra copies I needed for official stuff like bank and building society and for divorce paperwork
It felt great enclosing this Deed Poll paperwork in with the divorce petition because he was extremely abusive and violent and I hated having my name associated with him in any way.

You don’t need to wait. You can start using it right away. Change it with the banks etc tomorrow.

And you do NOT need to pay for a deed poll, you don’t even need a deed poll.

Just use your passport as ‘evidence.’ If needed.

Thanks again everyone!

I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, what with trying to arrange a new home and calls to change my name. I'm beyond excited!

I had 2 stipulations set out which were deal breakers for me...quit drinking and go get some counselling. He refused to get counselling and continues to drink.

Even though I've been in the spare room for a month, getting back to "me" with my name just seems so much more significant.

daintytoes just to say very well done and good luck, but please, please know you can of course commit to a man completely but also have the commitment to yourself that you will NEVER change your own name that you love again if you don’t want to! You don’t need to! And if you meet a man that is hot and heavy about it, and won’t change his, then treat that as the red flag that it is and back away!

I absolutely support women’s right to change their names and really understand that many like the whole new nuclear unit to have the same name. But it’s so depressing to read about people with cool names with personal meaning that they adore changing them because a man ‘disapproved’ of them not doing it. There is NO obligation to.

Oh and you can be miss, ms and Mrs on alternating days if you please, once you realise that (and that barely anyone calls you by a title anymore anyway so it hardly come up, sales people, teachers and bank clerks only I find and it’s not like they can say ‘but... but LAST MONTH YOU USED MS AND NOW MISS CALL THE POLICE), it’s very liberating.

MC thank you!

Yes there was definitely a bit of envy when my colleague kept her maiden name

In fairness my stbxh didn't tell me he wanted me to change my name. However I know now that if I had kept my maiden name he'd not have been happy about it.

I feel like a different person to what I was 5 years ago and know if I were ever to remarry I'd not make the same choices as first time around. Such as getting married in a church. I don't know if I'd call myself an aethiest however I don't believe in anything, while still being respectful of other's beliefs. Stbxh is a catholic. I felt it would be unfair NOT to marry in church...he believes and I don't really care. On the actual day it was more about religion than our union and I felt extremely uncomfortable in my surroundings. Stbxh has barely set foot in church or attended mass since our wedding.

Anyway, going off on a tangent!

Just wanted to add that even though you are moving out, please make sure your name doesn't remain on any of the bills - you don't want to be held liable for anything he doesn't pay.