Who should clean this up?

[troppibambini]

Dd(14) got a bean bag for her room for Christmas after about a week her little brother jumped on it and it split spilling beans everywhere she cleaned it all up and moved the split bag to the bottom of her wardrobe out of harms way.
I've been meaning to get it fixed but haven't got round to it.
Today is martial arts for all four kids and dh. Dd is a black belt and also helps teach the little kids, they were running late and we were trying to get everyone ready and out of the door.
Dd loses her belt, dh tells her to look in the sports bag that they used last week while she is doing this dh goes upstairs and without saying anything goes in dds wardrobe throws the beanbag out of the bottom of her wardrobe to look for the belt. Beans go everywhere. He finds the belt.
His argument-I'm not cleaning them up I found the belt
Her argument-I never asked you to and you didn't say anything,if you did I would have said don't touch the bean bag. I spent an hour cleaning them up last time brother broke it. I could have just worn another belt (would have been the incorrect belt)

Who do you think should clean them up?

Yes belt had fell off the hanger behind the bean bag.

Jasonpollock most definitely not a gender thing he did help her but in his own six year old way.

Fascinated nope that's definitely not the case. It is now in my boot to be fixed and she never cleans up after anyone.

Husband, 100%

Don't you do it! Your DH needs to set a good example here, it's worth sticking to your guns, male role models etc. In fact it's very important and a hill worth fighting over, for your DDs sake. He can hoover it.

If DS is six I would be getting him to sit with you (or your DH) when you sew it so he can watch.

I can't sew. Well not securely enough for this. I can do a button but that's it.

I think it absolutely is a sex related issues when a young woman is made to clear up a mess an adult man has made. All these things add up and it's the wrong message, but a great opportunity to start as you mean to go on.

My DH would be mortified to act like that with his teenage DC.

Isn't it a bit of everyone

DD could have found her own belt and not left it to the last minute so everyone was in a hurry.
Dh actually spilled them
DS shouldn't have broken it in the first place
You could have got it fixed sooner (by far the least responsibility - its not that long!)

I definitely wouldn't do it all myself. Would have to gather everyone up.

@funmummy48 do you have teenagers? This doesnt really work past age 7

I think dh should clean it up as dd has already cleaned up after someone else messed them up before. Overall Id be more concerned that dh is sending a message that because you help someone you are allowed to then unnecessarily inconvenience them and its ok. Ask dh if the tables were turned would he happily clean them up

DD could have found her own belt and not left it to the last minute so everyone was in a hurry.

I think that's a bit harsh on the DD. Usually when you can't find something at the last minute it's because you're confident it's in a particular place (and won't need to be searched for) and then you find it isn't (in this case it fell off the hanger).

There's no way my DH would go in 14 year old DDs wardrobe without her permission in the first place.

But if something like that did happen in our house DH would grab the hoover and probably call me and DD to give him a hand. No way would he just leave it for someone else to sort out.

First instinct: Husband

On reflection: Husband and Daughter to share the load.

Absolute red line: Not you!

Husband.
I feel for you. My husband has many good points but one thing that drives me fucking mad is the way he deflects blame or responsibility from himself. He would attempt to get out of this one by blathering on about having taken dd to the club whilst I was only lolling about cleaning the kitchen, say so he shouldn't have to do this too.

If your husband lets you do it he’s an arse.

Put a sock over the nozzle of the hoover. Hold the sock tightly in place. It will take less than 2 minutes.

Well maybe a bit longer if it is a big bean bag and all the beans are out. But the method works well for small bits and pieces. And lost earrings.

He should do it. He should also not behave like such an utter knobhead.

Husband should clean it up. How on earth can you not be able to sew up a split seam on a bean bag? It’s not exactly a difficult job, sewing only consists of going in and out with a needle and thread. I surprised any fully functioning grown adult can’t sew a seam.

Husband. And this : There's no way my DH would go in 14 year old DDs wardrobe without her permission in the first place.

Husband

Thanks it seems that pretty much all of you think the same as me.
Re the sewing it's just something I never learned, as I say I can do a button. I'm a fully functioning adult and have lots of skills that maybe others don't but sewing is not one of them.

I'm honestly not being goady when I ask this but those of you who's husbands wouldn't go in your 14 year dds wardrobes, why?..
they only have clothes in.. (and beanbags) sometimes dh will hang clothes up in her wardrobe is that wrong? And yes I know she should be hanging her own stuff but this is only occasionally.

And thank you for the sock tip I will pass it on to dh.

I know you shouldn't do it, but this is a one off, both the other involved won't do it, this is not a hill to die on.
So do it and then give them both a chore to do instead, but don't let on your punishing both of them, but it will mean your getting two jobs in return for one.

OP I'm shit at sewing.
So many times DH has had to undo my 'work' and redo it.

Sewing is now his job.

I'm gonna stick with saving people's lives when I'm at work instead. 😁😁😁

Everyone found muck in and help and it would be done in a jiffy But if he is being a right ar$e about it, I would firmly tell him he did it, he cleans it up.