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Original poster

Do you talk to people on trains?

71 replies

WTAFFF · 18/01/2020 07:14

This is lighthearted and I’m not judging you either way but I’d like you to please help me settle a difference in views.

We (DP and me) live up north. We are both from Newcastle. DP went to York for work and was telling me that a woman sat down next to him and immediately introduced herself.

I travel on trains regularly and have never introduced myself to my seat mate. I’m now wondering if I’ve been rude!

Do you introduce yourself to your seat mates on trains? I’d find it a bit unusual but I do have Aspergers so I am never sure if I am behaving correctly.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

OccasionalNachos · 18/01/2020 07:23

I wouldn’t introduce myself, absolutely not. I might have a short chat with someone if it happened organically (reading the same book/if they dropped something & I picked it up for them/asking a question about journey duration etc) but a long distance journey is a chance for uninterrupted reading or knitting time for me! I have enough conversations at other times.

FWIW I am also from the North & am slightly subscribed to the idea that folk are friendlier than southerners, but that is really a bit of a cliche in reality.

Daisylemonade · 18/01/2020 07:24

No, I’m from the north and I’m happy to be helpful, friendly,exchange a brief eye roll about delays or weather but I don’t want to talk!

Newmetoday · 18/01/2020 07:24

No way. Avoid eye contact at all times

doxxed · 18/01/2020 07:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

AppleKatie · 18/01/2020 07:32

No I agree avoid eye contact. A man offered to move so DC and I could sit together recently. I thanked him, he moved. We didn’t speak again by mutual agreement. I think the odd polite exchange is the limit.

Original poster

WTAFFF · 18/01/2020 07:35

Oh when I said I was from the north I didn’t mean to start a north v south debate. I was just trying to give you an idea of where DP was travelling from and give some background. We have both lived in various parts of the country.

Some of my closest friends are from the south of England and are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

It sounds like my view is the majority!

OP posts:

eyeoresancerre · 18/01/2020 07:35

My mum does this every-time. Gets off a plane or train and raves about the 5 hour conversation she's had with the person next to her - how much they had in common etc. Doesn't matter how old, Male or female she will witter away to them. Poor sods. I'm a put my earphones in and pretend I'm listening to music even if I'm not sort of a person.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 18/01/2020 07:37

Depends what vibes I get. I wouldn’t introduce myself first off but I’m happy to have a chat if the other person is.
I have a life long friend I met on a plane 20 odd years ago because I’ll chat.
(I’m from the south)

HenSolo · 18/01/2020 07:38

I don’t but if someone speaks to me I don’t mind.

DP and I once travelled USA by train and it was hilarious, we were utterly exhausted every day because every time we sat down we would get the life story of the person next to us. It was lovely, wonderful people, don’t get me wrong but at 7am in the breakfast carriage is not where I want a chinwag

EmpressLesbianInChair · 18/01/2020 07:40

No, never. Trains are for reading / messing about on my phone / enjoying the view.
I remember being on a train once when I was tired & had a bit of a headache & the bloke next to me just wouldn’t stop talking at me. I got off in the end & caught the next one.

1066vegan · 18/01/2020 07:42

A polite thank you if someone moves their stuff out of the way to make space for me and that's my limit. Then it's book out, or headphones in and watch a film.

I like being on a train. It's a chance for a bit of peaceful alone time.

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 07:44

Never unless pissed and fancied them.

CherryPavlova · 18/01/2020 07:47

I wouldn’t usually introduce myself as I sat down but I do talk to people on the train or tube. Not continuously because there’s usually work to be done but if something comes up that’s worth a smile. If they have children who want to interact, very elderly people, someone looking lost or worried they are on the right train, I’d chat. If someone starts a conversation I’d answer but not usually want to talk the entire journey and excuse myself citing work to be done.

Elouera · 18/01/2020 07:55

I wouldn't introduce myself, just for sitting next to someone!

Like others, I'm polite and would thank them for moving their stuff or say 'morning', but unless something happened like an extended delay, dropped something, asking a question about journey etc, I wouldn't sit there chatting away.

Maybe the woman on the train fancied your DP?

Kubo · 18/01/2020 08:00

Nope. Recently I got on a train in a really good mood and must have smiled too broadly at the man I sat down next to, because he took it as an invitation to monologue at me for the next 30mins. I learnt everything about his life - his job, his hobbies, his political activism, his love life, the instrument his daughter plays, showed me art he had made, explained why he didn’t believe in evolution. When I got fed up waiting for him to ask me anything, I crowbarred what I do for a living into the conversation, which he promptly insulted. So I made it clear the conversation was over (there was another 2 hours to go on the train journey!). I angled myself away from him and put my headphones in. He tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I wanted to share his headphones so I could listen to his music!

I moved seats as soon as I could and will never smile at a man on the train ever again.

HenSolo · 18/01/2020 08:06

I moved seats as soon as I could and will never smile at a man on the train ever again.

Once smiled at a guy on a train because it was New Years Day and I was still a bit merry from the night before. He then wouldn’t stop staring at me and then came over and put his hand over mine. Fucks sake

terriblyangryattimes · 18/01/2020 08:10

My mother is this sort of person. I feel sorry for whoever has to sit next to her.

I however often wear headphones with nothing being played through them to avoid having to talk to people (normally am reading a book)

Metclaffe · 18/01/2020 08:13

Nope never, I normally have headphones on.

superram · 18/01/2020 08:14

I’m flying today, I’ve chosen a window seat next to an occupied aisle seat and am hoping no one sits in the gap. I’m from the north but live in London (travelling north today). I travel on the tube and don’t want to speak at 7am but would be open to conversation this evening. I wouldn’t introduce myself though.

evilharpyinapeartree · 18/01/2020 08:14

Good god no. I hate people talking to me on trains but even worse is your neighbour on a plane wanting to chat. All I want to do is read my bloody book, leave me alone.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 18/01/2020 08:16

Haha in the train last night reaching my destination and was standing waiting to get off and noticed a bloke who was dressed in a sort of European way. Anyway got off and went to my mums. Later on I popped to the shop and bloke was in there so I chirped up oh you are the man from the train - I recognise you from your shoes. I do not know why I said that. They we're about a size 13 (think penguin feet) and very pointy. He looked at me as if I was crackers and said oh I came in from London. So did I I said. When I started wittering on about TV dinners he blanked me. Wonder why

ElderAve · 18/01/2020 08:18

My Gran would have, she was from the North and got the train down to visit us regularly. She always met someone interesting on the train and had their stories to tell when we picked her up.

I wouldn't but it does seem odd to me that the norm is to sit practically brushing thighs with someone for hours and not to speak. I think my Gran's way probably made for a much happier life, even if "we" think we're happier without this human contact.

Witchend · 18/01/2020 08:18

Often have conversations on trains. I don't usually initiate them, but am happy to Continue if they want to chat.
I've had some nice conversations and when there's been an issue on the line we've then quickly gone to helping each other.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 18/01/2020 08:20

No, definitely not. Not outside of the minimum politeness that you'd need to talk about bags or go past to go to the loo.
This'll be an unpopular opinion and I know this isn't AIBU, but I think sitting down and starting to chat with strangers on trains isn't friendly or social. I think it's rude, especially for longer journeys.
If both parties are happy to chat, then fair enough but my experience is that most chatters just jump in without testing the water to see if you're up for it.
It's pretty much the social equivalent of sitting next to a stranger and saying "Hello, I'm assuming you're happy to pay me your full attention for the remainder of the journey. The onus is on you to find an excuse to get out of it and I might ignore that anyway if you look up from your book for more than three seconds"
It's an intrusion of personal space.

Growingboys · 18/01/2020 08:22

No but if someone strikes up conversation I will chat back to be polite. I'd always rather not though - I am always so busy with children and work that I love trains as a chance to sit in silence and stare out of the window or read a book.

I'd never introduce myself to my neighbour though - it's not a bloody drinks party and presumably lots of people enjoy the peace like I do.

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