Ideas for getting more of a sort of sense of purpose in life

[Nam3Chang3Again]

I'm generally happy in day to day life but I'm quite isolated, no friends or partner, few close relatives, I have an unskilled job with no prospects and it's unlikely I'm ever going to be able to afford to have children... I feel quite pointless.

I've looked into doing some volunteering but it's all charity shops (I have more than enough shop work in my job) and roles requiring people skills, which I don't have. I can't even give blood because I'm short and small so I don't weigh enough.

Any suggestions of little things that I could do that might give me a sort of sense of purpose?

What sort of things do you enjoy? What did you love doing as a child/ teenager?

Would you be interested in doing some kind of course - either at a uni or further education college, or online if you're not near anything? Not necessarily academic if that doesn't float your boat, there's loads of stuff on sites like Udemy. Things like coding or Photoshop spring to mind but there's a wide selection out there!

Have a look at Zooniverse - lots of online volunteer projects - everything from wildlife to science to transcription.
I quite often spend an hour or two on there and it's great because you can dip in and it.
I've been identifying animals from a camera trap in Kenya and before that transcribing ww2 diaries, and historical bird watching records. It's a very eclectic mix!

I feel like something that would connect you with nature could help. So gardening if you have a garden or if not perhaps something fitness based but outdoors walking, cycling, rowing

Two ideas spring to mind Op.
Dog walking for house bound people/elderly or local rescue kennels - there's a lot of dogs who wd love to get out for a walk and experience such joy at the chance.
And sign online petitions, campaigns, etc writing letters becoming involved in a small way makes a difference to someone's life who feels helpless.

Is there a church you might be interested in? You can follow find a greater purpose in life and belong and help the church community.

Some good ideas, thanks I used to go on Zooniverse a lot. Completely forgot about that.

I spent a lot of time reading and writing as a child. Still do. I also run.

Definitely not religious. It might be easier if I did believe in some higher being.

Are you interested in volunteering at a school or with brownies or scouts? Your local wildlife trust?

.....or volunteering at a food bank, older people home or homeless shelter?

Or what about a team sport?

I saw a poster today that said “ The best things in life are not things” which I think sums up my feelings on the subject. I don’t have tons of friends ( and certainly not a big gang of friends) but I have a few and they are very important to me. I have been in a situation where I lived alone and often spent my weekends alone and it gets a bit demoralising. I would look at a group or activity where you can meet people...running groups, book clubs or a craft class - cookery, sewing, languages etc. Have a look at Meet-up for who might be around your area. I’m sure there are volunteering opportunities which are not shop based... I remember seeing something about volunteering holidays where people were working to restore pathways and clear rivers in a National park... I don’t necessarily wish to lumber you with that but it seemed like they had great camaraderie. You could also think about volunteering in food banks or animal sanctuaries, something with the elderly perhaps? Other than that I think being in a garden and growing things is very therapeutic. I know very little about gardening but I plan to plant a herb garden later in the year and looking forward to planning that. Perhaps if you’re in a urban area you could find a community garden project to visit ..... they’re tucked away all over the place.

Most of those things involve people, which is great for people people but that's not me, unfortunately. I've done meeting people to death and I don't really want to do it anymore. It just knocks me every time I go somewhere new and it's yet another place where I'm just not quite part of the group. It's wearing.

Have you read how to win friends and influence people? I know a few shy people who’ve read that/similar and implemented the methods as a game then developed into really sociable people after a while. They’re really pleasant to be around as well so I suppose they’re doing something nice for others as well.

Yeah, more than once, a relative bought it for me when I was 13-ish.

Ok but you mentioned people in your OP which tends to imply that that was part of your issue. Is that not the case?

Yeah, I'm not great at explaining myself. I mentioned people because when you talk about what makes life worthwhile, people always go straight to family, friends, career, the big stuff, and I'm looking outside that because I don't have a close family, or friends, or a fulfilling career.

I've managed high school, college, full-time university, part-time university, three jobs, numerous hobbies and sports, all sorts of classes, Meetup, volunteering... without making a single friend and I know I'm the problem because it's the same everywhere I go but at this point, I've sort of taken the possibility that I'll one day have a social circle or a partner and children out of the equation.

Is there a "Good Gym" near you? You run to where you are needed, do some good deeds (might be helping children read, getting shopping for someone housebound, or digging a community garden, for example', and then run back.

Can you sew? Would you try it?

I think learning to sew this year has made me really really happy. I'm useless still but have managed to make a few items (very slowly) but I feel like I'm doing something , am nicer to myself and it has made me appreciate clothes (and people) a lot more.

The website www.thefoldline.ie is a nice encouraging place full of ideas and I learn a lot from the videos.

I can resonate with the idea of trying to find fulfilment and I have a DH and a DD... sometimes these feelings stay with us despite having all those trappings. I don’t know why I don’t feel contentment and why I’m always seeking the next thing. ( I’ve done sewing and photography classes, streetdance, netball, Pilates, etc etc it’s constant) I thought I would go back to a yoga class and try and go regularly. I haven’t ever really tried meditation properly either but I truly believe it can be beneficial..my DD does this at school. Other than that expanding my cooking repertoire is looking appealing - particularly exploring bread making and healthy and/ or vegetarian recipes. I don’t know if these aren’t just other passing fads but I’m going to give it a go. Perhaps you’re just an introvert and that’s who you are - it’s just learning how to “ be” is the hard part.

They're starting up Good Gym near me so I've signed up for that, thanks :)

I've always thought about learning to make my own clothes. Just never really known where to start with it. What sort of things can you make with beginner-ish skills?

Probably an easy A line skirt with a zip or a wrap skirt would probably be good. Top wise probably a kimono style top / jacket. I don’t think that classic clothes making following a pattern is that easy but I think it’s great if you can learn ( you can definitely find classes). There is also a technique where you just use your existing clothes as a kind of template... there’s a book called DIY Couture which uses this technique but whether it’s your style I couldn’t say.

I made this:
shop.tillyandthebuttons.com/products/indigo
If you look at #sewingindigo there are so many versions of it. I am a complete beginner.
I also made this top:

A charity like St John Ambulance might be good. You learn new skills and get deployed at events both evenings and weekends (up to you how often) so you also build a social network around the unit meetings.

If you enjoy writing, I'd see if there is a charity (with a cause you feel strongly about) who need a volunteer content writer. See how it goes, who knows where it could go - you might discover you really enjoy it and would like to look into building a career in a related area. You wouldn't be in an office either, plenty of writing is done from the comfort of your own home.

Or it could open doors to other interests.

Are there any book clubs near you, would you consider joining? They are peopley I know, but might be fun and enjoyable for a couple of hours with a glass of wine, every month or whatever.

Oh and you are NOT pointless! You just sound like you're a little lost at the moment - that's fine, you don't have to figure everything out all at once.

I really think you should focus on unearthing what you enjoy doing - what makes you happy, what excites you.

I second (third?) learning to sew. I'm completely unfulfilled by my pointless corporate career, to the point of just crying after work every night. Sewing has saved me - it is so absorbing, creative and gives you proper satisfaction when you make something wearable that no-one else has!

Check out YouTube or evening classes in colleges - they are usually subsidised by council and reasonably priced. You meet people and can discuss fabrics and makes and it is lovely, rather than work where people talk about drinking or "leveraging the market" or some such bollocks. I love it so much I've now got a Saturday job doing alterations alongside my wanky corporate career (which mainly involves me browsing Mumsnet/DM and pretending to work).

If you're interested I can recommend some good YouTube channels!

If you are happy in your own company and feel OK with not being a 'people person' yet still think you might benefit from some kind of human connection (without the pressure to be socially dazzling), perhaps a meditation group could be something. If you are not religious, yet wonder about finding / exploring a sense of meaning, I would suggest perhaps a zen sitting group, or a western Buddhist group.
If you want to be really useful locally, and have some time in the week, offer to listen to pupils read in a primary school as a reading buddy. We really appreciate our Reading Buddies, as many of our pupils don't get heard reading at home and love their time reading with an adult once a week in school.