Haven't been a good wife now we are separating

[unicornsrule]

Dh told me before Christmas that is no longer happy in our marriage so we are in the process of separating
I don't cook have never enjoyed it
Dont do other things in the house that i should be doing
Parents are siding with him saying i should have been a better wife

What in your opinion makes a good wife?!

We have been married for 16 years have dd11 and dd14 who has autism

Not living in the 1950’s.
Cooking is not your responsibility. It’s shares or fairly designated.

Fucking hell.
Cooking and cleaning doesn't make you a good wife. Sometimes the husband enjoys cooking or is better at it or has more opportunity to do it because they work from home or get home before wife.
An inequality in household chore participation is a fair reason to be pissed off with your spouse but there's no rule like men should mow lawn and women should cook.

So after 16 years he's only just realised this !!!! Hmmm. You should be divorcing him for not being observant in the marriage.

Depends - what do you contribute to the family/household?
Carer to the dc?
Housework?
DIY?

Your post makes it sound like you do zilch.

I'd say depends if you split chores or he does most stuff. It's about whether you work well as partners

You've told us what DH and your parents think. What do you think, OP? Do you think you have been a loving and supportive wife? Do you think DH has been a good supportive husband to you?

I have kids that age and they cook sometimes

We need more info on both of your working hours and what chores you do before we can agree/disagree.

I don't do "wife work" so that would make me a rubbish wife.

My husband and I split things at home so that we're both actively parenting, albeit in different tasks and we're both responsible for the upkeep of the home alongside having full time jobs. It's what grown ups do!

He's the principal cook in the house, I tend to only cook when he's not around. I'm in charge of laundry, my husband is only allowed to wash bedding/towels. There are dozens of little examples like this but crucially we're a partnership, we both pull along in the same direction.

If you husband is divorcing you because you're not "wifely" enough after all this time I'd strongly suspect that he's seeing someone else and blaming your lack of effort as he sees it on why he's leaving rather than owning up to his own bad behaviour. He will continue to blame you in a bid to deflect you from what he's actually up to.

Don't worry about not being a good enough wife, that's bullshit!

Concentrate on what you need to survive without your misogynistic husband and make sure he doesn't guilt you into having less than you're entitled from a divorce.

I only work part time at weekends
I clean in the week
He feels we are too different

I don't cook have never enjoyed it

well you have children so why have you never done this? Just because you don't enjoy it doesn't opt you out of doing it. If that was the case I would never have changed a nappy by choice.

Do you work?

It really depends. You need to be doing a fair balance of work in order to be fair to each other. It doesn’t really matter how that’s achieved though.

Does he manage the kids and house at the weekends while you work?

I am bad with money

Why don't you list what you do do housewise

I doubt not cooking has caused the deterioration of a 16year marriage. Do you care to stay married? Are you different?

With regards to cooking, does that mean you never cook a meal for your DC? What do you eat or do you wait for your dh to come home and cook?

I do all the laundry
All the cleaning
I cook things in the oven not from scratch
I dont do any ironing
I tidying up

I have dyspraxia and probably autism too

I cook girls tea and cook my own as dh eats at work

Bizarre. Separating because you’re not a good wife?

There’s much more to this than not observing 1950’s living standards, I’m sure.

DH cooks his own meals because he’s a fussy sod. I cook for DS and myself. Id laugh if DH said anything so stupid, but he wouldn’t because he’s not a misogynistic twat.

What’s the real issue OP?

I am bad with money

Is that your opinion or his. Define 'bad with money'. Spending the mortgage money on trinkets for you or buying necessary food and household items?

There are many men who've never done a grocery shop yet are of the opinion that they could do it for much less than their wives, yet it is almost always the case that if they do it cheaper, it's because they buy less or lower quality food, whether this meets the household's needs or not.

You want to know what makes a good wife. Has he, in your opinion, been a good husband?

If he leaves, us he prepared to look after the children 50:50?
If not, why not?

Ignore his crap and get yourself off to a decent divorce lawyer. Whilst you’ve been looking after children, he’s been progressing his career and will have likely built himself a decent pension pot.

This sounds more likely to me that he’s getting ready for an affair or has already started one and is laying false leads to make you think it was your fault he cheated.

Standard cheaters script...!

@unicornsrule. to answer your question what makes a good wife....I guess that would be...a good husband. a good marriage.
Prior to his decleration of unhappiness..were you?(happy~) ,under the impression you were (both)ok?tickin like clockwork?