People who got broody and wanted a late extra child and actually did it, do you regret it?

[Apocketfulofposies]

I have three and the youngest is about to go to school. Having the third nearly broke us - financially, emotionally, physically, matrimonially - and I can't believe we have got this far in one piece and soon all three will be in primary school. I am early 40s and even having the last one towards the end of my thirties was so much harder than the first at the beginning of my thirties, so I am not really being serious, and yet... that niggling feeling persists. Presumably this feeling will persist however many I have when the youngest stopped being a baby. But did anyone actually do it? And was it a terrible mistake? Talk some sense into me please!

Oh shit, this thread has panicked me now. .

I'm 37 and got this big wave of broodyness the last few months. So came off contraception, ovulated and this week we have gone for it.

But now I'm thinking shit, from these responses I'm actually a bit worried if in two weeks if I take a test it might be positive, was I just being impulsive and stupid?

We only have one, and thought we were one and done, but I got that wave that posters on this thread have mentioned. Maybe it was just nature giving me a kick, maybe it wasn't my brain. Now I feel too old, I will be nearly 50 when they start secondary school.

Shit, shit, shit.

@MrsTumbletap I was 51 when my youngest started secondary. I know loads of people in a similar situation. I don't regret it one bit - 50 isn't old and I'm fitter at 53 than I've ever been.

I regret having my second whilst still in my 20's! But then I never planned for their dad walking out on us and leaving me in such a mess.

I'd never have any more personally BUT, with a gorgeous, helpful, fully supportive DH, finances all fine and decent jobs secured by both parents (in case one of them buggers off) and totally up for school runs for the foreseeable and kids clubs and kids demands etc... why not?!

Oh god no. I’m early 40’s and my two are 10 and 12. I would not want another.

@AlaskaElfForGin, I feel old now! (Which is ridiculous I know!). Maybe 'old' is the wrong word, tired, I feel tired, a lot.

What will kids born now’s futures look like? We already know the soil won’t be able to sustain crops in 60 years time, so that’s a huge amount of food that will need to be produced somehow for this massive horde of 260,000 people born every day. There will be water and food shortages, extreme weather, millions of climate refugees in upcoming decades. Sound good?

How will all your current kids be impacted by you choosing to have another one? ‘They’ll get a sibling!!’ isn’t really a pro, it would be for the wants of the parents only, and the existing children will get less time and resources from the parents.
It costs £250,000 to raise a kid till it’s 18, not including university fees or supporting an adult on a dying planet. Sound good?

I’m going to throw out that as one of four, my parents couldn’t cope emotionally (they were fine financially) and it impacted my life significantly. Don’t do it if number three was so tough.

SIL had a third child early 40s and although she clearly loves the child, I know she also really regrets it as she is so bloody exhausted all the time. They have plenty of money, so it is literally just the exhaustion that makes her feel that way.

My oldest two were 11 and 15 when I had my youngest (same parents). The older two are boys and I really wanted to try one more time for a girl. We had a 3rd son. He is now 16 and I don't ever regret having him. He brought so much joy to the family. I do feel guilty some times that he does not have a sibling close to his age, but he says he is fine with that.

I was 39 with my second and last DS; he's now 20; DS2 is 18 and in a gap year prior to uni.

DH and I will be 58/60 this year and we are both sick up to the back teeth with our jobs (I'm NHS). I didn't feel like this even 5 years ago; but we've had Hunt, Brexit and Boris since then... and my NHS manual handling induced chronic bad back isn't getting any better.

I am literally counting the 3 years, 5 and a half months until DS2 graduates and I can walk away from that financial responsibility, and possibly into bank work on my own terms. And possibly that motorhome and Europe.

So the idea of having to keep working to see a third through uni makes me shudder.

I have 2 friends with 'that third'. Both accidents, both, truth be told, regretted a bit.

I dont regret having my 3rd (at 37) because she is my absoloute joy and the world would be a duller place without her, however, when I think about how much easier life would be if I had stopped at 2...
Its really hard to be objective when they are real humans who you love thats probably why no one will say they regret it but you cant deny that the more children you have the harder it gets.

I've had that wave of longing for years now, but rationally it would be bonkers (plus DH got the snip). We have acquired a kitten recently, which is helping - she is essentially a furry spoilt baby

In all seriousness, I don't think I'm attentive enough to the ones I do have - having a 3rd would be unfair to them. I suppress the urge with kitten cuddles.

No way would I have considered it!

I'm 50 (just), DH is 47 and our kids are 23 & 21...they both Graduate this year, so we will no longer have to support financially from summer onwards....should have lots of spare cash....

More importantly, you say the 3rd almost broke you....so a 4th would seem like madness!

I am 40 and desperate for a third Child. I've got two early teens. It would be financially hard. It would be physically hard. It would be difficult on lots of levels.
My DP doesn't want kids at all (mine aren't his and though he loves them, babies have never been his plan). I know what a bad idea it is logically. But I am tremendously sad it won't happen for me.

We almost went for a third but chose a vasectomy instead in the end and I'm so bloody glad now. My kids are 10 and 9 and if I had to add a toddler into the mix I'd go stark staring mad.

Your body is trying to trick you. Stay strong! I'm 45 now and so glad I didn't give in to late 30s/early 40s broodiness.

This thread has got me broody now... I am 48 and my period is 2 days late. I blame you all!!.

I'm 40 with a 12 and 10 year old. We are done!

Life is so much easier!

Hi, placemarking (Sorry)

My bastard hormones are currently attempting to make me believe that I need another baby.
My brain tells me different though so I'm totally not falling for it.
My DH is 48 (has 17/18 yr old DC) and has made his feelings perfectly clear when we got together - he definitely didnt/doesn't plan any more.
I'm 41 and have 3dc - the youngest is 20! There would be a massive gap!!
No No NO!!
As the old MN saying goes - This too will pass :)

This is a real eye-opener. We have been debating a third for a while. I’m 37 and we have a 7 & 4 year old. We’ve debated it pretty much since having DC2, and never made a decision. I know DH would go for it, but I do worry about being older parents and the age gap we would now have.

I guess this is why people end up starting threads about the current terrible state of their relationships and finances etc. Not just because circumstances changed after they had them, but because they entertained adding to their families when they knew they couldn't cope.

Why would you? I just don't get it.

Is it ever NOT hard with three or three plus?

I’m in your position OP but our babies have small small gaps - 2x20months.

I’ll be 39 this year and 40 is - for me - the final frontier.

DH was very psychologically affected by the arrival of our 3rd, she ended up in SCBU, we were scared she would die.

But we know why and that’s been operated on now meaning technically I’m fair game.

However we would leave two years clear - I don’t think that’s going to be enough time for DH and our affected relationship to heal though.

So even though our oldest two want “a baby brother” I think that’s one wish I can’t grant.

Exactly, Morris. Plus this idea that you're guaranteed a healthy child even in your 40s. I'm nearly 40 and have, sadly, a lot of friends who had children quite late like this and most commonly it's autism, which of course, you can't screen for before birth. I have a child who has so-called HFA, it's really effected us badly. But in a situation where your last child almost broke the family in so many ways, it is utterly irresponsible to consider a 4th child.

We decided to try for no.4 when I was 41. Twins were born when I was 42!!

It's worth remembering that the risk of twins/trips increases with maternal age. My friendship group includes a couple whose third 'baby' was triplets . You might cope with one more, but could you cope with two or three? As another of our friends says, "When you get to 20, you stick, you don't twist"