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Original poster

Would you allow your DC to move to a college 160 milesaway?

64 replies

hannabarbera · 14/01/2020 08:48

My DC will be 16 yrs and 8 months in September. And has had an invite to attend a college to do a specific course (A level/Btec level) Said course is tailored for a certain sporty person and at a very high level. And to start with its invite only to attend, open day to suit us, see the sport academy, etc. DC would stay there for the duration as we are over 3 hours away. Ee would have to pay for accommodation but funding in place for daily travel etc.

DC is keen and so are we, we are going there to see the place in the next few weeks. Its just a big step! DC has been away for days on end doing a sport and mixing with new likeminded people. Where we live now, DC participates in the sport, but friends don’t and TBH they don’t have much in common.

Of course DC could try it and if it doesn’t work out there is a local college DC can go to do a general sport course but not at a high level.

Im fretting, wanting DC to have a fab opportunity,....

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/01/2020 08:50

Yes, I’m those circumstances I would.

LuluBellaBlue · 14/01/2020 08:52

Is this Hartpury by any chance, or similar?
If so I’ve heard great things, I see it as a little like an early mini uni opportunity for them at college age.
Especially if your child might no go to uni then again this is a good life experience.

pelirocco123 · 14/01/2020 08:52

My 2 eldest went away to college at 16 , it was closer at 45 miles each way but both stayed Monday to Friday and every other week my daughter had to stay for the weekend as well ( horse studies course )
It was a brilliant experience for them

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pelirocco123 · 14/01/2020 08:53

Mine went to Hartpury

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/01/2020 08:54

Yes, i would. It sounds like a good opportunity for him. Too,he will be 16. It’s not like you’re packing a7yr old off to boarding school.

ohwheniknow · 14/01/2020 08:54

Sounds like an excellent opportunity and worth exploring.

What kind of support would there be while they're living there?

Original poster
hannabarbera · 14/01/2020 08:55

Not Hartpury (sorry, haven’t heard of the place).

DC would stay there for the term (home for half terms etc) and would participate in sport on the weekends too. Of course we could travel thereto see!

OP posts:
Damntheman · 14/01/2020 08:56

Yes, I would allow it. But I would secretly be upset that they were moving out so young! I understand the anxious feelings, but 16 is a good age to find some independence and have such an amazing opportunity. My DH moved out and to another city when he was 16 years old and I often wonder how MIL bore it.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 14/01/2020 08:57

My friend has this similar situation (different field though) coming up and is saying no, even though her DS and DH want it to happen. I feel it is cruel to say no- I understand it is young but opportunities don’t come along like this often and it might push him away. We are trying to talk her around.

Original poster
hannabarbera · 14/01/2020 08:57

The support is on my questions list! Its growing!

OP posts:
MollyButton · 14/01/2020 09:04

I would if: the pastoral support was good, my DC was resilient (no existing mental health or other issues are going to just disappear), I had the financial resources to be able to get there if they really needed me...
I'd also be happier if we had a good relationship. And I'd want them to promise to keep in contact, and give them a code to text or whatever to let me know if there was something seriously wrong.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/01/2020 09:07

He should go for it, on the grounds that it's better to regret something you did rather something you didn't.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/01/2020 09:10

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight

No "might" about it. Tell your friend she'll earn his undying hatred if she keeps him from it. Well, undying for about 30 years, which is how long it took me to forgive DM for something she did in my teens.

GertiMJN · 14/01/2020 09:13

Would I say "no" on principle? Definitely not, sounds like it could be fantastic opportunity.

But, I wouldn't say "yes" without having thought through everything and checking out the practicalities and realities, and how they relate to my dc specifically.

Ginbauble · 14/01/2020 09:14

Yes if the DC really wanted to do it, the pastoral care was good, the accommodation had some adult support/ supervision and the education and training was of a very good standard. And if my Dc was sensible!

Blobby10 · 14/01/2020 09:15

My daughter went to a sports college at 16 years and 5 months - I hated it and I think she found it harder than she expected being so far from home but soon developed a wonderful circle of friends and they all looked out for each other. She did know how to cook proper meals for herself as well as baking excellent cakes so she soon became the darling of the kitchen Grin

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/01/2020 09:17

If this was my DD I’d say yes as she is very independent and self motivated. If it were DS-no! He’d never cope😱

Original poster
hannabarbera · 14/01/2020 09:19

DC would be staying with a host family, they have lots as the course has lots living further away.

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 14/01/2020 09:29

Absolutely I would.

Scardanelli · 14/01/2020 09:32

I would, 100%.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/01/2020 10:32

If it was the best place for the young person, yes.

senua · 14/01/2020 10:42

What are the outcomes for the college?
You want to instinctively say 'yes' for the opportunity but there are downsides. If the course is that intensive then will DC lose a normal teenagerhood (friends, boy/girlfriends, parties, exploring life) for a sporting life that never takes off. How many (what %) go on from the college to a professional career? Does the sacrifice pay off?

PostNotInHaste · 14/01/2020 10:54

Yes, we are in the middle of DS applying for somewhere. Not as far and would be weekly boarding but having seen it he would love to go and I think it would be an amazing opportunity for him. He’s got to get offered a place first though.

Original poster
hannabarbera · 14/01/2020 11:05

It all depends on how hard DC will work there of course. Its also about working in the sport after the course, not just playing at top level.

OP posts:
maxelly · 14/01/2020 11:09

Like others have said, it sounds a potentially brilliant opportunity, and I wouldn't say no per se, but I would want to be asking a lot of questions and giving it a lot of thought. The pastoral issues others have raised, there is just so much variation amongst 16 year olds and how ready they are for living away from home, many would be completely fine and have a whale of a time, some would be horribly homesick, some would go off the rails and do no work/study at all without parental supervision, I guess you know best how yours would be (although be prepared to be surprised and perhaps prepare yourself/DC for some unexpected homesickness).

I think Senua makes a really good point about outcomes, how many students from the college/academy do go on to play/work professionally in the sport, surely not 100%? What academic qualifications, work experience etc. do they get alongside the sport, compared to a 'normal' 6th form college? The life of a professional sports player is precarious even at the top of many sports and your DC is so young, you don't know what the next few years hold, maybe they will fall out of love with the sport and want to do something else, maybe they could get injured, maybe they will just fall short of the level required to be a professional (sorry!) - if it was my child I wouldn't want them to have gone blindly down a path that closed off other options such as university or vocational qualifications to them without some very careful thought being given...