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Original poster

Talk to me about your Year 7 child and social media

39 replies

ShirazSavedMySanity · 13/01/2020 22:47

DD is 11, almost 12. She started high school last September, has had a phone since her 11th birthday.

She is on no social media whatsoever. We’ve explained our reasons to her, including the fact she isn’t even old enough for the minimum age.

However, the majority of her friends have some form of social media and I do understand her wanting to join in / missing out etc.

What do your children use?
Have they had any problems / issues?
How can I protect her yet let her find her own way etc?

I use FB & IG, but have limited knowledge of Snapchat and TikTok.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 13/01/2020 23:50

My DD is 11, 12 in March. We're in Australia...moved here 4 years ago. She had a phone last year which she dropped into the bath...it's not been replaced yet.
She would not be allowed social media yet if she did have a phone. None of her friends are allowed yet. Some have phones but no social media.

My older DD is 15 and has had Snapchat, Instagram since she was 13.

She knows not to post any photos that might be seen as risque or to be nasty to anyone. If you allow some form of social media, you need ot have full access and check it regularly.

BillHadersNewWife · 13/01/2020 23:52

TikTok is a no-no for many. One of older DD's friends has thousands of followers on there and it's literally just her posing...she says nothing. She's very pretty and you just know half of her followers are middle aged perverts.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 13/01/2020 23:52

11 yr old doesn’t have social media & has the loan of a family mobile (that’s just a phone!) when necessary

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Rockbird · 14/01/2020 00:01

My just turned 12yo has TikTok but it's not a public account. She follows her physical friends and messes around with her own videos but is unable to post them. She has snapchat for the filters but no account, and she's asked for Instagram and I've said no.

She suffers severe anxiety and is more worried than I am about identifying herself online so I don't have any concerns about the limited social media that she does have. Her TikTok account is in my name and I have it installed on my phone so that I can keep an eye.

She has WhatsApp mainly so that she can keep in touch with friends from primary school. I also check that randomly. That's all she has.

crustycrab · 14/01/2020 00:03

Isn't WhatsApp 16+?

RoseMartha · 14/01/2020 00:20

Hold off as long as possible. While most of her peer group will have some SM not all of them will even if your dd feels they have. If you are not happy say no she is too young anyway.

Tweens and young teens and SM drives me nuts at home. Constant battle. Lots of issues arisen from the peer pressure. They are not ready for SM and hate me for saying no but it is necessary.

Important for you to decide what you are happy with and stick to it however much she pressures you to give in.

hairygodmother · 14/01/2020 00:22

My younger DD also 11, got a phone for Christmas. She understands that there is an age limit for a reason so she won't be getting any of them before she's 13. The only thing her sister wanted for her 13th birthday was Instagram. I am very reluctant about the whole social media thing altogether and especially of TikTok I am not a fan. The one thing I might relent on is Whatsapp so she can message her cousins on a group chat. I have a deal with both DDs that I can look at their messages whenever I ask (tend to do it when they're in bed and the phones are downstairs charging!) and they are reluctantly ok with this. How much longer this lasts remains to be seen. Many of DD2's friends have Instagram, TikTok etc and have had a for some time but I fortunately I have the precedent of her older sister, so we have to stick to it now.

hairygodmother · 14/01/2020 00:23

RoseMartha, agree with you completely.

BillHadersNewWife · 14/01/2020 00:50

While most of her peer group will have some SM not all of them will even if your dd feels they have.

Yes, this. I'm thankful there's a strong culture of not giving in to this in my DD's school. The majority of her class don't have phones. It's more commonplace at the age of around 13.

DebbieFiderer · 14/01/2020 03:41

My daughter is Y7, she has Tiktok (account is private, so only friends she knows in real life can see her videos, and we talk a lot about what is appropriate to put online) and WhatsApp, mainly used for group chats about homework etc. She'd love Instagram and Snapchat but I've said not until 13.

Original poster
ShirazSavedMySanity · 14/01/2020 06:51

Thanks for your replies.
I didn’t realise you could have TikTok but set it to not being able to post anything.

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 14/01/2020 06:56

My year 7 dd has whatsapp because that’s how her friends communicate. She has a private Instagram account and only has people she actually knows following her (I check regularly and she has to check with me before she accepts any follow requests). I haven’t allowed anything else yet.

PenOrPencil · 14/01/2020 07:00

Our Year 7 pastoral team has to deal with so much fallout from SM, the longer you can hold off the better!

stripeypillowcase · 14/01/2020 07:00

dc has a messenger to communicate with friends (cheaper than using text message)
plus a games console account
both monitored by us parents with restrictive settings

the main rule is that we (parents) set the password and can ask to have a look any time. if dc changes/tries to change any settings the device goes in locker for at least a week.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 14/01/2020 07:09

She isn't on any and doesn't want to be. She had autism though so not sure how much that contributes to her choice. I'm grateful for it. She had no phone till Year 7 and without her making that decision I wouldn't have allowed any SM till that point.

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/01/2020 07:26

DD has WhatsApp only, as I think most of her friends have it. She has group chats for her set, they talk about homework. Uses it to keep in contact with primary school friends. Lots of them also have tiktok and Snapchat but I've said no to that for the moment. She knows I will check her phone from time to time. Told her no sharing of dodgy photos or doctored photos that may offend. No adding people you don't know.

Soffy · 14/01/2020 07:35

DS nearly 12 has whatsapp. No other SM. We also have software on the phone which requires our permission before anything is downloaded and we do regular phone checks. I've only just let DD aged almost 15 to have snapchat, but that's because we learnt our lesson. Dd had Instagram at aged 13 and began self harming. SM wasnt a cause of course , but it was definitely a contributing factor. It's been almost 2 years since I've allowed dd to have SM and DS will need to be a similar age.

Oblomov20 · 14/01/2020 07:36

Surely a WhatsApp group with friends you know is ok.

Basically, The rule is, for me, a general one: these things are fine if everyone is ok and there's no nastiness.

If the above is not the case, if it causes anxiety then it's a no-no!

My Ds2 who is younger is part of his football team WhatsApp group. Closely monitored by parents, but actually there is literally no need! They only talk niceties about each other doing Ronaldo step overs and flicks and tricks! And wining / losing against other teams!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 14/01/2020 09:45

11 year old has WhatsApp as does pretty much everyone with a smart phone in the year group.

Tiktok is popular, I think DS would like it, but I'm not keen. A check of some of the videos shared by classmates on WhatsApp group suggests that some of them are connected to 200+ people - I don't believe they know all of those people! I would probably relax on Instagram first as it's so easy to monitor really.

BearSoFair · 14/01/2020 09:53

DD is 12, she has Whatsapp with her classmates and that's it at the moment. TikTok is a definite no! Thankfully most of her friends' parents seem to be of the same view so she hasn't really pushed too hard about it as she doesn't feel like she's the only one without. At this point I'd probably be willing to let her have a private Instagram account that I monitored, but she hasn't asked (I do think she would, rather than secretly make one) and I'm not going to suggest it!

m0therofdragons · 14/01/2020 10:10

@crustycrab in android the age for WhatsApp is higher than iPhone for some reason. On the App Store it's a 12.

My year 7 has WhatsApp and I'm glad she does as we've had all kinds of stuff happen on group chats and at 12 she feels she can come to me and tell me so we can talk about it then I let her think what she should do - she's been making great decisions re this so it's building my trust and her confidence. If she got it at 14+ I probably would struggle to have the level of access I have without arguments. That said, she woke to 807 notifications in one group one Saturday. That's insane and further confirmed my refusal to extend access to Snapchat etc.

m0therofdragons · 14/01/2020 10:12

@BearSoFair I have an 8 year old who has a friend with Tiktok - 8 year old is now moaning I'm mean more than my 12 yoHmm it's really hard when others parent so differently but I've learned to trust my gut and it's okay to say no to a child.

AJPTaylor · 14/01/2020 10:21

Dd12 has tiktok and whatsapp. Strict rules 're whatsapp and I check it regularly. No Facebook, instagram or similar.

Trewser · 14/01/2020 10:29

Dd had instagram and snapchat. Probably would have had tiktok if it was available. Phone stayed downstairs until year 8. Never had any issues. Is very good about being private etc.

Trewser · 14/01/2020 10:29

I never checked the phone and she didn't have me as a friend on insta. Did have her big sis though who was under strict instructions to report any posing in a bra etc.