So how do i tell my ds to go to school.

[Harleyisme]

Ds is 6 and a really bad school refuser. He has autism and suffers from bad anxiety.
I have tried everything from rewards like stickers, nintendo time, pokemon walks etc. I have tried being stern this results in ds running away and being violent and refusing to go in. This is the only time ds is ever violent too. Hes nearly been run over from running away. If he stays in longer than 11am the next day he won't go at home. I have carried him in kicking and screaming and the teachers have dragged him and barricade him in this has resulted to him running away from teacher and refusing to get close. Currently i can get him in 10.45 till 11.05. Scholl say hes fine once in. They don't believe a chold of his age would be able to mask. When ds does a few hours at school he will come home and either sit quiet and do nothing all evening or go to his room and scream shout stomp. To help ds i have done visuals now and next, emotions, anxiety scales. Ds says he doesn't like crowds people noise things being busy. Hes the same for all enviroments. Now i can get him to go anywhere telling him he has to go or with rewards but none of it works getting him to school. He is also a very rule abiding little boy apart from the school refusal. He even puts himself on timeout when he does something wrong then doesn't do it again but even him doing one thing wrong is rare. Local council sendo say the issues is that hes just a manipulative naughty little boy and i just need to be harsh. I have done all the parenting course and cygnet but apparently need to do a refresher even though i am doing all the stragies that they tell you to do. So how do i get ds into school?

I don't carry him into school. I let him refuse
But you said
I have carried him in kicking and screaming and the teachers have dragged him and barricade him in
That’s not letting him refuse. I absolutely would not let anyone treat my child like that. Teachers shouldn’t be laying a finger on him! Have you reported the teachers for this abusive behaviour?!

I did carry him once in the beginning and yes i have about the teachers the LA don't believe what i am saying ia true. Apparently me refusing to walk away when they told me he was calm when he was clearly screaming on the corridor means i don't trust school. They had barricade him in and i wanted to ensure he was ok.

Weekends and holidays hes happy and settled he doesn't like leaving home and going places but he will with very minimal fuss. He only has this reaction towards going to school.

We do tend to find that if DS is not in school he gets more and more resistant to and anxious about going to other activities.
Yet another reason why we think he should be in school.

That school sounds awful. Pulling him around and barricading him in? I think most people would react badly to that let alone a small child who is anxious and scared.
Also don't accept that because he is doing OK academically that he doesn't need an EHCP, that's just not true. And don't off roll him unless you want to. The school and LA will heave a sigh of relief and forget all about him and attendance. You need to keep it as their problem.

Some schools just seem to believe that children can be forced to just stop being ASD, and you may not ever find out what went on once he was inside.

My friend's son used to be forced to spend playtimes sitting in a corner with his hands on his head. None of this was reported back to her, until another friend went into the school to work as a TA. Her son was supposed to have a 1 to 1 support worker with him, who was taken off to work with the whole class as soon as she arrived. Friend' son changed schools and he became a lot happier.

It's the school, OP. He's so little, poor chap. Homeschooling could work, if you access the right support - it needn't be forever, after all!

Yes he has been diagnosed the sendo told my mil yesterday that his diagnosis means nothing moat children with asd don't need support in school

That's the biggest load of cobblers and beyond disgusting, they are punishing him for being autistic.
Senco needs an education in what autism is and how to treat autistic children individually to assess their needs and provide interventions.

OP please investigate homeschool, it's not structured or rigid and you don't have to do school type lessons. Please look at the FB links upthread and the home-ed board on MN to get an idea of how you CAN do it. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/home_ed

Teachers shouldn’t be laying a finger on him! Have you reported the teachers for this abusive behaviour?!

I'm sorry, but this is not true. Teachers with appropriate specialist training can physically handle children in their care. It has to be done appropriately, appropriate situations, properly witnessed and documented.

However, given what the OP is saying about the school, I would not trust that this is being done.

the sendo told my mil yesterday that his diagnosis means nothing moat children with asd don't need support in school.

What utter, appalling bollocks.

Home school him.

You are good enough. There is loads of online support and quite probably a network in your area. I home schooled my eldest for a year due to problems with school and it was amazing. Give him time to settle and for both of you to heal over this traumatic time while you go to meet ups and find your feet.

I home educated my ASD DS for a year whilst looking for a suitable school after going through similar to you. It was the best thing we did. We didn’t worry about following a curriculum. We focused on his mental health, kept on top of his literacy and numeracy, and did fun, educational activities.

Several years later, he’s happy and settled in a much better school after doing an extended transition period.

Do some research into home ed and keep up the appeal for the EHCP.

If you follow up face to face conversations and phone calls with emails it gives you a paper trail you can use as evidence of DS not coping at tribunal. You don't need the school to reply.

Rather than homeschool you could try to get him signed off sick. The LA would then become responsible for providing education, which may be something like a home tutor.

I have backed everything up via email. I actually don't have many face to face conversation with school as i am always with ds when i see them. And theh dont call me at all.

Thank you to all for the reaponses much appreciated.

Hope you and your ds are doing ok.

I wouldn’t home school him but I would be sending him however far away to a different school.