So how do i tell my ds to go to school.

[Harleyisme]

Ds is 6 and a really bad school refuser. He has autism and suffers from bad anxiety.
I have tried everything from rewards like stickers, nintendo time, pokemon walks etc. I have tried being stern this results in ds running away and being violent and refusing to go in. This is the only time ds is ever violent too. Hes nearly been run over from running away. If he stays in longer than 11am the next day he won't go at home. I have carried him in kicking and screaming and the teachers have dragged him and barricade him in this has resulted to him running away from teacher and refusing to get close. Currently i can get him in 10.45 till 11.05. Scholl say hes fine once in. They don't believe a chold of his age would be able to mask. When ds does a few hours at school he will come home and either sit quiet and do nothing all evening or go to his room and scream shout stomp. To help ds i have done visuals now and next, emotions, anxiety scales. Ds says he doesn't like crowds people noise things being busy. Hes the same for all enviroments. Now i can get him to go anywhere telling him he has to go or with rewards but none of it works getting him to school. He is also a very rule abiding little boy apart from the school refusal. He even puts himself on timeout when he does something wrong then doesn't do it again but even him doing one thing wrong is rare. Local council sendo say the issues is that hes just a manipulative naughty little boy and i just need to be harsh. I have done all the parenting course and cygnet but apparently need to do a refresher even though i am doing all the stragies that they tell you to do. So how do i get ds into school?

At the end ,we had a limited time table where he went in for favourite lessons only ,no longer than a hour a time ,with a view to build things back up ..this was my suggestion,and school not keen .
It didn’t work ..but had i of suggested it earlier ,and we had put it in place before things got really bad ,i belive it might of worked

God that school sounds beyond awful 😳

Do you have carers / autism groups locally?? Do a Facebook search and you'll probably find one....... Ours is a wealth of knowledge regarding schools. Personally I'd do some digging about what schools are working for other children and pull him out of his current one for the time being. If they're too thick to realise that your son is extremely anxious then he really shouldn't be under their care.

Everything VaguelySensible said. A different mainstream school, but which has understanding of ASD, may suit your son better, even if it is no smaller than his current, totally useless, school. They seem to have no understanding of the issues, and no desire to help. Don't let him be dragged into school. He is plainly not ok once in, if they view him as naughty etc. Has his class teacher received any training in Asd? Senco sounds clueless. You need to start asking questions, and demanding answers. They are giving you the runaround. So sorry, it shouldn't be like this.

The sendo shouldn't be in her job. The school is supposed to be the most understanding school in the area for asd. We can't at this moment move as theres no spaces available in the others schools. We are on waiting lists. The school don't have a clue but reckon that they get refreasher training every year on it. They say they listen to me but they don't. There attitude yeaterday was disgusting and they say that its us that are damaging our son for listening to his issues.
Ds doesn't respond how people expect him to which is why i put togther a sheet with explanations of what he does when hes happy, sad anxious etc school haven't even took it out of his book bag and its there.

Are you working op? Can you keep him out and homeschool him for the time being?

No i don't work. I do worry that i am not good enough to home school him and now they have got ss to come in i worry about it too.

It amazes me that schools are so behind when it comes to children with autism and sen. My sister has had to fight every step of the way to help her children, one of whom is at an sen school now and is thriving. He used to come home from primary school with blank books at the end of term as they had done nothing with him at all. There is a severe lack of education about autism and how it can be different for every child. They are always seen as difficult children, or they are not believed to have a problem. I would appeal the ehcp, unfortunately the people who make the decision are guided by what the schools say and if you haven’t got their support then it’s very difficult. Get ready for a lifetime of fighting, my sister has only got her children where they need to be by constant fighting and appealing along the way. It shouldn’t have to be this way but it is. Good luck, I hope you and your ds get some much needed support soon x

You can do this have faith in yourself - home educate for a while. There is lots of help booklets and advice online you may enjoy it.

Keep him on the school roll as his non attendance will bugger up their stats.

Structure the day and lesson plan like a school timetable. No TV screens etc during “school time”.

Try this for a while and perhaps you can then ease him back into the system.

Good luck.

The school is rubbish! Sorry. - but you need the senco onside not saying stupid things about autism and not needing adjustments. A good snco could get that ehcp through too.
Dont force him. I learned the hard way. I now view the period of time when i forced my child to be similar to taking a shell shocked soldier back to the trenches.
Have you been to your GP? Ours was good. Book a double appointment, go without DC, take the diagnosis and some info about school refusal and explain the things thd school isnt doing. The gp didnt do anything in particular but they wrote to cahms and school using lots of medical words and it helped het the threat of a fine off my back.

There are no requirements for a parent to home educate,join some home Ed groups
There are lots home educating for the same reasons you would .
Shit school ,child with asd not getting support
You need to push for camhs to see him .
The stress of school had my child self harming ,he’d picked all the skin of his finger tips ,and used a rubber to rub holes in his skin ,still has a scar 2 years later ,all this under the teachers nose ,and because she kept complaining to me everytime she turned round he’d got hold of something else to fiddle with ,and wasn’t concentrating when he was fiddling,so she sat him at the front of the class to make sure he didn’t have hold of anything ,so he pealed his skin of instead

Well, it is true that some children with ASD can manage in mainstream school, with adjustments. I was the SENCo in a school with an attached unit, where the majority of the students had ASD as well as language impairment. We made many adjustments to accommodate them and their were one or two who simply couldn’t manage. They all had EHCPs though.

It sounds as though the school isn’t prepared to make any adjustments and the LA is unsupportive, so could you home Ed in the short term, whilst looking for a more nurturing school?

I'm not sure whether it would be viable but could you commit to home schooling for the rest of this year? Use this time to look at other provisions/schools wit. The hope to have a phased return next September?

Home schooling a Year 1 child (bright or not) is easily doable with online resources and advice. He's not learning anything whilst he's in this frame of mind, so anything is better than the current sitch

Let him refuse! Don't carry him into school. His refusal would be more evidence that you do need a EHCP.

We had loads of meetings. School say they are doing all the can yet everytime i ask what they are doing they skirt around it. I have applied for a ehcp and got rejected and am appealing it

You need that plan.

The LA say hes too intelligent for a sen school and for a ep assessment and ehcp

This is utter bullshit and they need to be held to account. You need an advocate. Are there any SEN charities set up around where you are? It sounds as if you need some backup.

This sounds so hard. The school he's at is not the right nurturing environment to help him grow and learn.

I've been through this twice with different children, both with high functioning autism.

Can you contact your local National Autistic society branch and see if they can guide you?

Also look into others schools that are geared up for Social, Emotional, Mental Health (SEMH).

Visiting schools and ask a lot of questions. Join Facebook groups that have parents on a similar journey and ask advice.

The thing that upsets me is that he is NOT being naughty or wilful. He's scared. He's wired differently and his experiences and the way he perceives things are not the same.

Staff should always be asking themselves this question first. Is this child acting out of fear? Then ask themselves how to adapt his environment to help him.

You as his mum will know this about him, you obviously do and you are tightly concerned. You are up against professionals who are meant to understand and help but just do not have the training often or the time.

The key thing is to get support for his autism and get a trained professional to come alongside you to help the school.

Another place of advice might be your local PRU. I'm not saying to send him, I'm saying call them and talk gather whatever support, ideas, names of people in other organisations that might help.

Another place to get information might be a well informed GP. All you need is a professional that understands him to support him.

Don't force him in. The mental damage this can set up can have lasting negative consequences.

Please link to a Facebook page called 'Not fine in school: family support for school refusal and attendance issues'
They offer sound advice around the legal implications of protecting your child and battling with the school.

The final point, this school is not supporting your son. They are not being inclusive, not making reasonable adjustments to help his learning.

I don't carry him into school. I let him refuse he tells the school that he doesn't want to be there. I can get him to the school door and as soon a memeber as staff comes he runs away or runs to a corner and cries. We live just outside school gate so when he runs home they follow last time this ment he ran further than home and to the main road.

I am looking for a charity and advocate on the area.
I am olso trying to get hold of the child and well being service and homestart we had involved as the school said yesterday that they had expressed concerns at home yet both discharged us saying that all his needs were meet and he is well supported at home.

IPSEA are very good for advice on refusal to assess for EHCP.
They do phone appointments which are hard to get but do keep looking for one.
For the school, talk to some others about what they would do to help.
We also have a noise sensitive DS who is too bright for the local specialist school. Currently not sure where he's going next but home ed is not right for him - he needs typical peers and a proper school experience. He enjoys a lot about school and it's wrong for us to deny him that.

Another things I'd forgotten.

There is an charitable organisation called SOS SEN

They will help you push through to get an EHCP. Lots of good advice on their website.

There is another good one that I can't recall but I'll google it.

Good advice and legal advice to stop LA delaying when then should be stepping up.

I honestly would home school. You can buy lots of resources. If you apply for disability and carers allowance it may help with the costs. If he is bright he may learn another language using the computer software sets. Hope you find a path that works for you both.

Poster above mentioned the other one

It's IPSEA.

I had so many phone calls to them and successfully got an EHCP for my second child who presented very like your son.

I'd also suggest contacting the NAS (National Autism Society), their helplines can be useful, and if there is a local group they may well have knowledge of the local area and resources. For example: my local group can direct you to someone at the local CAB who is brilliant at helping fill in DLA forms.

But I wouldn't be stressing about getting him into school, use his refusal as evidence that he needs a EHCP.

When he runs off is that after you have left him at school? If so I would be inclined to highlight it as a safeguarding concern - once in their care he should not be able to leave school premises.

Look at finding a SN school if he is struggling in Ms

@MollyButton no i am still there he doesn't even get though the main door before he runs off. We have spent hours outside school trying. The school are angry at me as i refuse to force him in and i put a stop to them doing it. They have pulled him into school they have baracaded him in school they have dragged him off me. This is now why he runs away.