12yo DD and hairbrushing issues

[everyonesafluffyone]

DD is almost 12, yet still refuses to brush her own hair... We have to keep it long and permanently plaited in order to avoid tears every morning before school, (now Y7) . If it is plaited overnight then I can just comb it and replait it which is simple and painfree. I use an afro comb because she hates brushes.

Her hair is straight but very fine, lots of it and it knits together. There are also courser bits which are sun bleached and therefore very dry. She screams in pain every time I comb it and ends up in tears. I am as gentle as I can and start at the bottom and work my way up.

If her hair isn't kept plaited then it just ends up a terrible birds nest.

We have tried leave in conditioner, de-tangle sprays, tangle teezers, and still she can't brush her own hair. We had a shoulder length bob, which was worse as it still all knitted together and it was then too short to plait, so we grew it long again.

She has issues with memory and concentration and whilst not left handed, eats that way. She can be quite clumsy and trips over quite a lot and can have some sensory issues. Not sure if any of that is relevant, but adding for information.

This has been a battle for years, and I really would like it to end and for her to brush her own hair! Can anyone recommend a brush or any tips or anything! that can get her doing it herself?

Why do you have to keep it long? I'd be pushing for a bob. But if she won't, you should look up the curly girl method. It's not just for curly hair and it's the best thing ever.

as per my post, when we bobbed it, it still knitted together, we still couldn't get a comb through it and to make matters worse, it was too short to plait, so it just made it even harder to deal with :(

I take a look at the curly girl method, thanks

My 12 yo DD is the same. Her hair is extremely thick, wavy and quite coarse and gets in terrible tangles if left down. She does attempt to brush it but can only reach the top layer and just ends up with a thick layer of tangles underneath. She also struggles with concentration and coordination so it's quite a struggle.

Like you, I've found that it's best to be kept in plaits and replaited every morning. God knows how she'll cope on a week long school trip in the summer. No fresh ideas for you, just sympathy

I’m not much of an expert on hair, but I have read a few things on here. Does your DD have a silk pillowcase? Apparently they really help prevent matts forming overnight. Also have you spoken to a good hairdresser about treatments? Something like regular keratin treatments might help make the hair more manageable.

My hair used to do this when I was a kid and it was awful.
It does it now if I wear a scarf or something round my neck...

My mum used to put coconut oil in my hair before plaiting it. Maybe you could try just a little in the wispy bits at the nape of the neck? Just enough that they won't bind on each other? It won't look greasy if it's plaited?

I'd also check what conditioner you're using. I co-washed my hair for a while and it made a big difference.. Childs Farm do a nice strawberry and mint conditioner that I often use.

Also, try a tangle teaser- I use one now and they're so good for matted hair.

Alternatively, could the wispy bits be cut close to the skin?? If it's plaited it wouldn't notice and may just remove the problem?

I don't know about sensory issues but the sensation of the hair pulling could be worse for her?

Good luck! I feel her pain! 🙂

I came here to suggest the curly girl method too. I do have curly hair but I don't follow the plan to the letter - I much prefer to wear my hair straight so I only follow the "cowash" part.

I have fine hair but lots of it and it gets very tangled throughout the day. It has also been bleached (balayage) so is courser in parts. I have given up shampoo and any hair products with drying ingredients, which has helped keep it very hydrated and more manageable.

Are you using a tangle teezer brush? I swear by mine - I have three!

Similar here, very thick but fine, curly hair which knots and mats together if left for a few days. Lower back length.

We leave it and just comb it twice a week after a wash and liberal conditioner on ends. A detangling spray from local hairdresser supplier helps a lot. I’ve found best time is when still pretty wet, so minimal towel dry, then use an Aveda paddle brush to start with small sections which I hold in one hand to stop pulling, then brush up in tiny increments from the bottom, often with just the side of the brush (ie, fewer bristles).

Afro comb wasn’t helpful as it had no ‘give’, but the wide, firm bristles of the brush are gentle enough to comb through.

Also a bit of Argan oil to smooth and condition it after, really helps. However I don’t think she has the strength or dexterity to brush it effectively and get the underneath layers - she is 11 - so I will keep it up for now. Going short wouldn’t stop the tangles so I’m not bothered about making her cut it.

Cut it. DTs are 8 with similar sounding hair and sorting it every morning is a pain in the arse. We are booked in at hte weekend to take it to shoulder level.

Tangle teeze / wet brush only brush the top part they dont go underneath and that's when the screaming starts. Their best mate at school has bum length hair but its a completely different texture so manageable.

A joy brush has made brushing my dad's hair much easier. She's 7, showing some dispraxic traits, and can get most of the tangles out of herself. I just check when she's done.

Have you tried a tangle tease? Start at the ends and work up.

Thanks for the responses, it's nice to know that I am not alone in this.

she screamed with a tangle teezer so I threw it out. Anything that pulls on the hair is out, which is most hairbrushes .

It really is torture to her, she isn't putting it on, and if we forget to plait it overnight, I dread combing it.

The hairdresser couldn't really come up with much.

It is much easier to do once washed, but she won't wash it every day.......

we use tresemme shampoo and conditioner. I found that pantene was actually making the hair knot up even more, it was awful

Try a good moisturising conditioner then a few drops of argan oil after washing but before brushing in sections.
I use thick and curly tangle teaser and a Denman paddle brush.

www.lookfantastic.com/denman-d83-large-paddle-styling-brush/10363204.html

Thick and curly tangle teaser
https://www.lookfantastic.com/tangle-teezer-thick-and-curly-detangling-hair-brush-lilac-fondant/11983037.html?affil=thggpsad&switchcurrency=GBP&shippingcountry=GB&thgppcccampaign=71700000047040822&adtype=pla&productid=11983037&gclid=CjwKCAiAxxDwBRAfEiwA3vwZYpxVrn4VYTYY0PNcR1lmDrK50YEbWp8yJAo9kZvO8gfHhTcC4HhHoBoCihIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Get a Wet Brush. It's by far the best brush I've ever used. It's also the only thing that will work on my DD's masses of super fine hair that tangles very easily. Wet Brush plus spray in conditioner, your life will change! www.amazon.co.uk/Wet-Brush-Detangling-Hair-Punchy/dp/B005WWQXB6?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It's FAR superior to tangle teezer (which was ok but still not great)

We found a Tangle Teezer was useless. Short bristles so combs only the tiniest top layer. Very disappointed as I thought it was going to be a life-changer! We use a plain old Body Shop paddle brush instead.

Will the curly girl method be okay for very greasy prepubescent hair?

Not the regular tangle teaser, the thick and curly version has long bristles and doesn't pull the hair.
My hair is long, thick and curly and I couldn't live without it.

Ds has massive sensory issues around his head. Attempting to recond his height at the hospital Sent him into meltdown because a board needing to breifly touch his head. Touching his hair seems painful and getting it cut isn't possible due to how upset it makes him. I use the joy brush on him, it was brought for him. His 3, he still gets upset because I'm touching his hair but it's normal 3 year old announce at being interfered with, rather than all out pain.

@sunshinestanley

Yes, but don't underestimate how long you need to scrub the hair when cowashing. I bought a cheap scalp scrubber from amazon and it is a game changer.

You need to use very specific conditioners which do not contain sulfates, wax, drying alcohols, etc and then spend a good ten minutes scrubbing the scalp to get all dirt/grease/build up off. If I don't spend enough time scrubbing my scalp I find that my hair still looks greasy when I dry it.

Some great suggestions, thanks to everyone

Will look at the Joy brush and the Tick & Curly Tangle Teezer.

She does get greasy hair due to hormones but the ends seem even drier then. She has bad spots too which she can be quite self conscious about :(

*Thick - ticks are no use to anyone!

I second @Damntheman's suggestion of a wet brush. We have the same brush, and found it worked much better than a tangle teaser too.

yes, will check out the Wet Brush and the Denham brush too.

DD has hated all brushes so far, especially ones with spiky plastic bits and bobbles on the end of them.....

I will look at every single thing suggested though.

I told her last week that if she doesn't start to brush her own hair I am going to shave it off!

all the adverts are now tangle teezers!

I came on to say Wet Brush too! My dd is 13 and has sensory issues. Her hair was a constant nightmare since toddlerhood.
She has eczema and I was using a very plain shampoo on her but her hair was unmanageable. It would knot and mat overnight.
I took a chance on changing shampoo and conditioner to Elvive extraordinary oil and bought her a Wet Brush.
The difference is amazing. She manages washing and brushing her own hair now after years of battles.
We no longer use any spray detangler. I think these were just making the problem worse over time. Some are very drying.

Someone I assist has very similar issues. I use Ogx coconut milk serum for tangles, I leave it in for a few minutes then brush it out with a wet brush. Tangles come it really easily. Also have you checked her scalp ? When I was younger I hated getting my hair brushed because of my psoriasis, it was really painful at times. Also maybe sleeping on a silk pillow might help.

I'm a hairdresser and also someone who has fine straight hair that tangles very easily, I second the wet brush pro detangler, I find it a lot more gentle than a tangleteaser.
Another thing that helps is regular trims ( I know it's a faff) taking an even half an inch off every 6 - 8 weeks will help keep the split ends more manageable, which can cause a lot of knotting too. Il be shot for this, but even if you can bare to do it yourself