12yo DD and hairbrushing issues

[everyonesafluffyone]

DD is almost 12, yet still refuses to brush her own hair... We have to keep it long and permanently plaited in order to avoid tears every morning before school, (now Y7) . If it is plaited overnight then I can just comb it and replait it which is simple and painfree. I use an afro comb because she hates brushes.

Her hair is straight but very fine, lots of it and it knits together. There are also courser bits which are sun bleached and therefore very dry. She screams in pain every time I comb it and ends up in tears. I am as gentle as I can and start at the bottom and work my way up.

If her hair isn't kept plaited then it just ends up a terrible birds nest.

We have tried leave in conditioner, de-tangle sprays, tangle teezers, and still she can't brush her own hair. We had a shoulder length bob, which was worse as it still all knitted together and it was then too short to plait, so we grew it long again.

She has issues with memory and concentration and whilst not left handed, eats that way. She can be quite clumsy and trips over quite a lot and can have some sensory issues. Not sure if any of that is relevant, but adding for information.

This has been a battle for years, and I really would like it to end and for her to brush her own hair! Can anyone recommend a brush or any tips or anything! that can get her doing it herself?

Just noticed I said sulphates in my last message - I meant silicones! Sulphates are in shampoo, which I obviously don't use

My hairs the exact same.

Forget tangle teasers, they don't go through the hair properly with very tuggy hair.

Don't use Velcro brushes in her hair either.

Brush before you wash it in small sections, wash hair over the bath, shampoo, condition and brush again once towel tried. Try a small amount of hair oil and brush through.

I grew up with this hair but mine is wavy and it's ridiculous how bad the knots get.

Wet brush didn't work for my hair, ripped half of it out because the bristles arnt long enough.

Get her a sleep bonnet.

www.amazon.co.uk/Lunji-Satin-Bonnet-Night-Beauty/dp/B07D7TDGSW/ref=sr_1_17?dchild=1&keywords=Sleep+bonnet&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1578921744&sr=8-17

There are loads of different ones. This one is satin, the silk ones are slightly more expensive.

I’ve got two dds with difficult to manage curly hair. When they were little it took up hours of my time. Now they are teenagers they know that if they want long hair, they have to look after it. It’s a time consuming job. One does have long hair and the other has hers short as she doesn’t want the responsibility.

My DD has a Wet Brush, it's great.

But also how about a pixie cut? This sounds like a very tough experience for your DD (and you!) that could be alleviated with a more appropriate hairstyle.

Two practical suggestion. Silk pillowcase and Manta hairbrush. The pillowcase should reduce tangles and the Manta hairbrush is lovely and gentle (it's like a tangleteaser but much better and good for your scalp).

I had similar issues with my daughter.

I emailed Kent brushes with a description of my child’s hair and I told them the issues we have. They emailed back with a suggestion of two brushes they thought would work. I bought both. She loves one. It’s the best customer services ever, so old fashioned.

kentbrushes.com/contact-us

Also a silk pillowcase. Ours goes in a 60 wash as we have eczema issues and gas lasted years. I don’t tumble dry it though. It drys very quickly anyway.
This is the one we have.
www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-partners-the-ultimate-collection-silk-standard-pillowcase/white/p1537491

Thanks for all the different responses, lots of ideas to try and brushes to look at.

Thanks to everyone who has responded, very helpful

I have long fine hair too. I personally try and take out as much dead hair as I can when I'm in the shower. That cuts down on my mats.

I had an old fashioned brush, like the kind you use to brush a short haired dog with or get lint off your clothes. It was for humans though! That was quite gentle. I got it from John Lewis but I can't see them on the website now. It had those soft bristles like a baby brush

I know she hates it, but I think she has to get into the practice of brushing it every night before bed. That's the only thing that's helped me.

If I get a really bad tangle, I pinch the hair at the root and then brush it. That cuts down on the pain from pulling.

My dd is the same. We tried the curly girl for about 6 months, correct conditioners but it was just greasy and tangled. Currently keep it tied up, wash no more than twice a week and use plenty of conditioner, satin pillow case and a tangle teaser. If necessary a leave in conditioner made from water and a small squirt of our usual conditioner in a spray bottle works better than a brought one.

My dd has similar hair and what works for us now is putting a generous amount of coconut oil in her hair and brushing it through before washing it.

When my daughter was little we used Body Shop banana conditioner, which was amazing - I think they still sell it

Another vote for a pixiecut. Why put her through all this? If she is not interested in looking after her own hair (and at 12 she could if she wanted to) then cut it into a practical hairstyle. I have a 12yo and 10yo, one wanted long hair and so is very organised about washing, brushing and plaiting it herself, the other had a bob until she decided to get it cut into an asymmetric pixie because she wasn't interested in messing about with her hair. It looks incredible but does need regular cutting (no more than her brothers though).

Some really good tips on here that I'll be trying!

Only other thing to suggest is a tonne of conditioner in, then comb through with a wide toothed comb while in the shower. I'll sometimes run my fingers through first to find the worst tugs, so i can pinch from the root when combing it through and it's a lot less painful.

Satin bonnet AND satin pillowcase that way if bonnet comes off it's still protected.

Wash with conditioner only; brush hair only while wet in the shower with a wet brush or tangle teeze shower brush with tons of conditioner in it, while the shower also runs over hair in the direction she's brushing.

My DD likes to put her hair into a plait or ponytail while still in the shower, that way she never has to brush or style it dry which is more painful. (But she doesn't mind her hair being wet and drying over the course of the day, not sure how your DD feels about that)

I am struggling with same issues... but DD is Y9! She has numerous sensory issues and AS, and he hair tangles as soon as you look at it. I am loath to go curly girl, as she has greasy hair after a couple of days, and her hair is straight anyway.
And yes- even with a tangle teaser she can't manage it... I still wash/dry her hair for her as she can't manage it properly, but she is now doing her hair for school on a daily basis (ponytail, she can't do a plait on herself). I have to take out the knots every couple of days when I wash it.
She won't go short though- all the girls in her school have super-long flowing hair, and she wants to do that too.
Will read and digest...

Oil is your friend! My daughter has amazing but very long, thick and wavy hair and it’s a complete nightmare unless it has oil in. In the mornings, take her plait out, don’t brush! Get a small blob of oil and rub it together on your hands and then run your fingers through the ends of her hair...then either leave or use a wet brush! Brushing can make my daughters hair frizzy so sometimes the oil and hands is enough but if we do brush it glides through with the oil - no knots!

When my daughter was little we used Body Shop banana conditioner, which was amazing - I think they still sell it

They do, and it is listed on a Curly Girl facebook group as being cowash friendly

Thanks amused Might give that a try - she does struggle with washing her hair so that might help.

Use a tiny tiny amount of hair oil mod length to ends. Makes brushing a breeze and keeps it from tangling x

Short back and sides?