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Original poster

Poo potty training struggles 3 year old girl nearly turning 4!

29 replies

KKM321 · 11/01/2020 20:31

I have a 3 year old who is turning 4 this coming March .. and also starting school
in September! I’m really struggling with the poo side of potty training to the point where it is effecting her life at nursery, home and her emotions. Im turning into a nervous wreck for her and I can’t help but just worry as every solution I had for her potty training just has gone down the pan.

She is currently in pre school at nursery and it’s coming to the point where managers of the nursery have mentioned that she is too intelligent to not being able to do this side of potty training and it’s not right for her to be doing poo in a pull up at this age!

She is fully potty trained with her wee’s and has been for over a year it’s just the poo’s I am struggling with significantly..

Currently she does a poo in a pull up sat on the toilet - My husband tricked her a couple of weeks ago and cut her nappy in half and she actually did a poo in the toilet - We was ecstatic and showered her with gifts and really praised her .. it carried on a couple of times and now she has decided that she can’t do it like that any more and checks the nappy over before we put it on her now otherwise if it is cut she won’t poo at all. I have read potty books to her let her use YouTube on my phone whilst trying to poo but she does nothing but get so upset..

I have sat with her one to one hours on end and tried to ask her what the actual emotional attachment is with the nappy and she will just burst into tears ..

All advice is welcome I just really need some help or advice from anyone who has been in this situation..

Thanks guys!

OP posts:
hairyxmasturkey · 11/01/2020 20:34

Eric is a really good charity that support parents with issues like this. Pooing in nappies is a really common problem.

www.eric.org.uk

Wildorchidz · 11/01/2020 20:40

The nursery manager is an idiot.
Please give the child a break. Talking to her about poos and nappies for hours is absolutely insane.

Original poster
KKM321 · 11/01/2020 21:00

Thank you so much - Appreciate your help @hairyxmasturkey

OP posts:

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3 year olds Families Potty training
butwhateverfor · 11/01/2020 21:01

My son is 3. I'm not sure what he'd say if I asked him about his 'emotional attachments', but it would probably be something to do with Paw Patrol.

Seriously, stop stressing the child. Sometimes they aren't ready. My eldest was in nappies until age 4.5 and is a functioning adult with a degree.

Original poster
KKM321 · 11/01/2020 21:02

@Wildorchidz lol engaging and understanding my child is insane. Your comment says a lot about your parenting than mine Wink JOG ON

OP posts:
Original poster
KKM321 · 11/01/2020 21:06

I would like to clarify that I’m not stressing the child. She is pooing and isn’t at the stage where she feels like she has to hold it and has become constipated.

Give me a break just wanted some advice. Feel like I’m justifying myself more than getting help!

OP posts:
THAT90sBITCH · 11/01/2020 21:08

It is really common

If she can have her poo in the nappy before / after school it should probably be ok

She will outgrow it eventually

Pixie2015 · 11/01/2020 21:08

I am lurking on here for any tips DS just turned 3 isn’t keen on potty or toilet !

Original poster
KKM321 · 11/01/2020 21:09

@ShitUsername Thanks never thought of it from this angle!

OP posts:
Sheepskinslippers · 11/01/2020 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KKM321 · 11/01/2020 21:26

Thanks! @Sheepskinslippers

OP posts:
toomanyhobbies · 11/01/2020 21:28

My ds was a poo withholder and has just turned 6 he started school still having accidents in his pants. We had stopped pulls while at nursery as he was getting lazy and wee in them as well.
I’ve screamed shouted pleaded begged, ignored, rewarded. I was very worried about him starting school still doing it.

He is ok now had a little set back in the summer as I was in hospital so think this was why. Your case is different as she is not withholding. I would suggest you try getting her do poos before or after school time sitting on the toilet with the pull up on and then go from there.

Can you only let her have a pull up on for when trying for a poo and not at any other time.

babbi · 11/01/2020 21:35

I know it’s easy to say but do try to relax and don’t worry about this .
I cannot believe the hours of worry I gave myself about this same thing with my DD ( now a teenager)

This will resolve itself when she’s ready ,
Your child is trained in terms of not having accidents etc .. she is just choosing where to do it - she knows ultimately where it should go !
When she feels confident emotionally she’ll use the toilet ... I promise 😀

Chill out and enjoy your preschool time .

And ignore the comments from nursery etc .. they are being ridiculous. This is quite common .

babbi · 11/01/2020 21:36

Oh and as suggested by a previous poster... my DD didn’t wear a nappy ... she just asked for one to be put on when she needed a poo !

PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 11/01/2020 22:10

I took wild orchids advice as helpful. Ie don't listen to nursery manager and the implications that only clever dc get it!

Eyebrows2016 · 11/01/2020 22:45

Have a look at the free app ‘poo goes to poo land’. It really helped my DS during potty training when he couldn’t poo. He still randomly mentions the little story told by the app over a year later!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/01/2020 22:49

When is you LO wearing a pull up? I would propose ditching pull ups except for sleep time if you haven’t already. Wake up- pants on! Don’t make a huge issue, don’t watch intently - just remember pull ups are just for sleep time.

Ihatesundays · 11/01/2020 22:54

September is a long while off really. Honestly I would stop mentioning it for a while. Don’t speak of it.Just let her do the nappy thing.
I would wait until near the summer and find some reason she needs to get rid of the nappies. She wants to go somewhere or get something. Don’t make it a big deal ‘oh we would go there but you need to stop using nappies’ in passing.
She can do it but she needs to decide herself she wants to do it.

Helpwithdilemma101 · 11/01/2020 23:00

Have a look at the free app ‘poo goes to poo land’.

Second this, it really helped my daughter who was very reluctant to poo on the toilet. We still wave poos off to Pooland 2 years later Grin

Wildorchidz · 11/01/2020 23:00

I have sat with her one to one hours on end and tried to ask her what the actual emotional attachment is with the nappy and she will just burst into tears ..

You said this. Talking to a 3 year old for hours on end about attachment to nappies until she cries is going to achieve nothing - as you have found out.
If I were you I’d take the pressure off completely, let her have her nappy, flush the poo down the loo, wash hands and forget about it. She will get there in her own time.

Nicketynac · 11/01/2020 23:03

I bought a book called "It hurts when I poop" or something like that from Amazon. Within a week my son had started to use the toilet and potty after about a year of refusal. It's not even a good book but I think hearing it in a story rather than us trying to chat about it seemed to help.

KellyHall · 11/01/2020 23:03

I just downloaded 'poo goes to pooland' - I think my almost 3 year old will love it 🤞 it helps with her brown accidents!

ShitUsername · 11/01/2020 23:19

@KKM321 think I hit post too early and now my post has disappeared and I can’t see what I wrote so apologies if I’m repeating myself 🤣

I feel your pain, my ds(4) won’t poo in the toilet either! Like you, we’ve tried everything but he just won’t do it and to be honest I’d rather he does it in a pull up than hold it in as then we’d have an even bigger problem! It’s hard but try not to worry, she’ll do it when she’s ready Smile

Heartofglass12345 · 12/01/2020 00:10

My kids love poo goes to pooland too

blue25 · 12/01/2020 00:22

The nursery manager suggesting she’s too intelligent not to poo in a toilet is being ridiculous. It has nothing to do with intelligence!

As others have said, chill out and don’t make it into a big deal. Repeatedly asking her about it is going to make her stressed. I doubt many three year olds can sit 1:1 and articulate their emotional needs.