Can't decide if I want to go to dad's funeral?

[Omegan]

Okay so BACKSTORY:

Mum and dad split up when she was pregnant with me. 'Dad'- never met him until I was 12 and then he disappeared again and I've not seen him since. Been in and out of rehab forever. I spoke to him a few times when I was 18 (27 now) but haven't had anything to do with him since. His brother is pushing me to go to the funeral (I don't think they want financial contribution) but my family don't think it's a good idea. Friend thinks I could get closure but it's on the other side of the country. What would you do if you were me?

I would go, you might make some family connections and understand him a bit more, which could give you some more closure.
You’ll not get another chance to go

”My family don't think it's a good idea.”

Why not? What exactly is their concern?

@flowery sorry, I meant they don't think I'll gain anything by it and I'll have to take time off work, travel expenses etc and they think it'll be a waste of time.

Sperm donor's funeral? Why bother?

I wouldn't go. I didn't go to my fathers and didn't regret it. If you didnt really see him when he was alive, there's no point when he's dead.

I think you should probably go, like pp says you wont get another chance and i think there is more chance of you regretting not going than there is of going..

”I think there is more chance of you regretting not going than there is of going..“

I agree completely, and as your family’s concerns are about things like time/money and whether it’s worth it rather than anything more dramatic around your wellbeing, I would go for the above reason.

Wow! I think his brother wants you there for his own family's reasons, to relieve their "guilt". If you are there, your biological Dad could not have been all bad - right?

He's pushing quite a lot tbh @RedDiamond. I don't think he was a bad person, just couldn't step up.

I agree with Katy 1213

I think you should go.

I regret going to my estranged step brothers funeral. He had a new life, lots of friends and colleagues talking about what a great guy he was. Wasn't my experience of him and to listen to the lies he had told them about his family just upset me.

I probably wouldn't go I am in a similarish situation to you and I couldn't go to a funeral of a man who flitted in and out of my life you don't owe your brother anything.

Not a chance.
Regret not going to the funeral of a person who is little more than a stranger?
No, make peace with yourself - you were let down by this man for whatever reasons. Maybe life for him was out of control but I'm guessing you can do without this guilt trip (not to mention the expense and inconvenience)
You owe neither him or his family anything.

I had a similar upbringing and would not attend my dad's funeral. It's really a personal choice though, do you think you would gain something from attending?

Not my brother, his @Mrsjayy

Ah it is ypur uncle sorry mis read you still don't him anything.

Okay... So you have to put your big girl pants on then. Think about yourself. You know he IS your Dad. You know of his existence. If you can go to his funeral, knowing that is the end of your Dad and then close the door behind you, then do it.

We only have one biological Dad.

I think you are in a horrible place but if you don't go (and I can feel you want to go) you will always regret it.

Did he have other children who would be there?

I think you should ignore what other people think and go with what you want to do. If you feel you would benefit from going, then go. If you don't think you need/want to, then don't, nobody would blame you. Don't let friends and family decide for you, go with your gut and what will help or benefit you.

We're the his side of your family ever in your life even if he wasn't?

@marthastew no other children, that I'm 100% certain of. Other family- not really, his brother has contacted me a few times in my teens and we have short conversations but that's it.

I'm also worried about upsetting my mum if I do go

In their grief, your uncle and family probably just want to delude themselves and others into thinking your father was a ‘great guy’. You spoil that narrative if you’re not there.
I’d be curious and attend the funeral though, I would want to know if I had other half siblings.

I wouldn't bother going, given that you had nothing to do with him. He was effectively a stranger. His brother has no business pushing you to go to the funeral.