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Original poster

My 3 year old is such hard work!

43 replies

WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 17:25

So much so that I'm really not enjoying my time with him. And I hate saying that as I live him to bits, but oh my goodness he is constantly pushing boundaries, testing, and just full on and attention demanding for every single second he's awake!

I have other older children. Brought them all up the same - consistent boundaries, enforced empathetically with lots of talk about emotion, but removing/stopping unwanted behaviour at the same time. So touchy feely but not wishy washy iyswim?

He's ridiculously bright. Currently trying to figure out how to read by learning high frequency words we come across in the books we read (I'm not teaching him as I'd rather leave it to school in September). He knows his numbers up to 100. Can do mental arithmetic sums up to about 20, can count in 2s and recognises odds and evens. Tell you how many 10s and "singles" in a 2 digit number. Just from watching Number blocks apparently Hmm

But he won't just fucking go and play. Leave me in peace for 5 minutes. He prefers my company to other children, and he hits out a lot at his siblings and ruins their games...

And he absolutely hated preschool!.

Anyone got any ideas to save my sanity? Grin

OP posts:
butwhateverfor · 09/01/2020 17:38

I have no ideas, but maybe we can get a club going 'cause I am in the same situation!

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 09/01/2020 17:40

Lego, boxes & boxes of Lego

UptightFunk · 09/01/2020 17:43

Sorry, no advice (apart from time away to yourself as much as possible!) but solidarity as in the same boat with my daughter. She drives me nuts, it's relentless. Even if she's poorly she doesn't give in. Still talking, needing something, singing, not listening, wanting to do everything herself and the opposite of what we do. I. Am. Tired.

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3 year olds Behaviour & development Families
Ruleof4 · 09/01/2020 17:46

You say he's ridiculously bright, when I was raising my little ones I heard children who are above average in intelligence for their age can struggle with other emotions. Have you tried talking to a health visitor? Might be a different approach is needed!

Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 17:49

I haven't talked to the HV as she was a bit of a chocolate teapot when I had worries about my ASD eldest when she was 2...
We have boxes and boxes of Lego but he's very hot and cold with it, and I think we over did it over the holidays. We also have Meccano stuff but he mostly wants to take apart things that are not toys. With a proper screwdriver etc..

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 17:50

And sympathies to those in the same boat. Yes it's the relentlessness of it

OP posts:
Sharonthetotallyinsane · 09/01/2020 17:54

So does he not go to Pre school?

Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 17:59

No we tried but he wouldn't settle and was getting so anxious every morning in case it was preschool that I pulled him out.
He does go to a childminders though on the days I work - but she only has 1 other younger one as well as him, so he gets oodles of 1-1 adult attention there as well.

OP posts:
Drogonssmile · 09/01/2020 18:02

My 3yo DS2 is driving me up the wall at the moment. The tantrums, answering back, cheekiness, demanding attention, hitting and winding up his older brother etc etc.

No punishment seems to deter him. He thinks it's funny. He wakes in the night still and then is up for the day at 4.30-5am. Husband works away a lot so even more difficult when he's not about.

He's at nursery full time (I'm at work) but even the mornings and evenings with him at the moment are too much for me. He spent the whole journey home this evening screaming and shouting and kicking his feet. I can't wait til he turns four. Sad

RandomMess · 09/01/2020 18:03

An extra day at the childminder? Possible ASD too?

I'm just exhausted thinking about it...

Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 18:08

I'm so hoping it improves at 4.
Although at 3 my other ones were lovely little children - I enjoyed doing things with them, toddler groups where I could chat and have a coffee and generally have a nice time, supervise a bit if craft etc, nice trips.
With this one - no chance! He hates toddler groups and ends up fighting over toys and wanting to go home as it's boring (will literally set off for home without me unless I keep a beady eye on the door), or pushing another child over and we have to make a swift exit. Likewise for little trips out, and he has no interest in craft unless he is splashing paint, or trying to make the most intricate model (that never goes how he wants it) that we just end up having paint covered tantrums of frustration.
He likes baking.
I've put on 1.5 stone! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 18:09

I am considering ASD but he doesn't score highly on the screening test I did

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 18:11

I am also seriously considering extra childcare, but I'd rather find a way to enjoy the time I have with him? Also, I tend to get "punishment" backlash of behaviour from him after he's been there, as it's obviously a big effort to behave for her...

OP posts:
notaregularmom · 09/01/2020 18:19

My dd is 3 and the youngest of 5, seriously if I'd of had her first she would be an only child because she has pushed me to breaking point since she was a baby and a non sleeper. She's boisterous, mischievous,head strong, and wants my attention allllll the time. Don't get me wrong I love her to pieces and I wouldn't do without her but my god she's hard. She starts nursery on Monday doing her 15 hours. Instead of mornings or afternoons I've put her in for 2 whole days (9-3:30) and an afternoon with lunch (11:30-3:30) I don't care that it's going cost me £5 for an hours wrap around care on the half day I'll be glad to wave her off and get my sanity back!

RandomMess · 09/01/2020 18:21

He could be just better at masking... a lot of those things, anxiety, not interested in playing, love of numbers and amazing skills as his interest, behaving for CM and taking it out on you...

Just reminds me a lot of others where they were just a bit quirky until they got much older and then it was very clear that they were NT.

FirstInGinglish · 09/01/2020 18:24

One thing that stands out to me, OP, is that you want your DS to learn to read at school. If he wants to learn now, why not teach him? I know that's probably the last thing you want to do because you're exhausted and you want a break from his full-on-ness - but might it not help? One of mine was exactly as you describe (including a lack of 'playing nicely' at toddler group etc), and I did teach him to read when he was three. He was absolutely in his element and became a voracious reader (still is, aged 17). I also had to pull him out of pre-school as he wouldn't settle. He ended up starting school in Year One...

FirstInGinglish · 09/01/2020 18:26

(Should perhaps have said that I taught him to read because he was spending so much time badgering me about books, letters, tracing them out on road signs, fridge magnets, etc, etc, etc.. not because I wanted to keep him busy/hot-house him!)

Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 18:29

Yes if ds had been dc1 he would be an only child!! Grin
He might be masking, but I don't think so - I have experience in my professional life and I'm not convinced, while with dc1 it was bloody obvious (to me at least) even though school etc just described her as "quirky" for years.
Um, I'm actually a bit scared of teaching him "wrong" - the reception class teacher is a bit scary! Blush I'm also not sure if he would listen to me.... Might give it a try tomorrow though and see how receptive he is :)

OP posts:
Whitelisbon · 09/01/2020 18:32

My (now) 13yo was like this.
I got every broken appliance from friends/family/random stranger etc that I could find, cut the cables off, and left him to take them apart. He had a great time, taking them apart, putting them back together, sometimes combining stuff...
We still have tubs of random screws in the garage that he removed from things.
The day someone donated a washing machine was one of the best days of his life.
And the local scrappie loved it too, hed come round once every couple of weeks, take a load of stuff away, and often dropped stuff off.

RandomMess · 09/01/2020 18:35

Hmmm is their a numberjacks for reading...

How about the older ones "teach" him to read Grin win win that one!

Donations of old electricals to dismantle sounds good to me.

RhymingRabbit3 · 09/01/2020 18:39

Could you try a different preschool or an alternative childcare setting like a forest school or Montessori school which would be a bit different.

Original poster
WhyNotMe40 · 09/01/2020 19:17

I lightly mentioned the big ones teaching him to read... All parties were not enthused with the idea Grin
I might give it ago with some letter sounds tomorrow.
I think he would bloody love a forest school. Unfortunately I live in a city and there are none within a 35 minutes drive. I don't know about Montessori.
To be honest the preschool is ace. There is a huge outdoor free play and they access the school forest school bit daily, they have lots of pipes and wood and nails and pavement chalk. My other children begged to go to more sessions when they were there! I think he didn't like the busyness and the "having to follow instructions" bit Grin

OP posts:
butwhateverfor · 09/01/2020 19:24

I think 3 is just a crappy age generally. They are too small to be independent, but they are too big to easily control! They stop napping!

Mine hits, screeches when he doesn't get his own way, is a seriously fussy eater and is somehow always standing Right Behind Me. Older 2 are adults, so he's like an only child. I found myself guiltily wishing for him to grow up a bit today.

Cantchooseaname · 09/01/2020 19:26

Reading app on iPad? Reading eggs and teaching your monster to read are both phonics based.
My 3 year old has some basic phonics and currently loves treasure hunts- I managed 30 mins ironing the other day as she chased round after clues and brought them to me to help decode.
She’s just interested in reading- not really done any formal teaching, just picks stuff up.
Also tons of number jacks apps.

ahenderson270 · 09/01/2020 19:39

Hi OP - you sound very well versed in all this but one thing stood out to me like a sore thumb .. you boy sounds very like my younger two (8 and 4) - 8 year old has an ADHD diagnosis and 4 year old has pricked everyone's ears along the same lines ..

Have a read of this:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

If it feels similar to what you're experiencing may I recommend speaking to your gp and asking for a referral for the incredible years course (it is truly invaluable if you have a child like ours) but you will have to have him back in the pre-school setting or wait to school before any formal consideration will be given to ADHD as then referral has to come from a school or nursery setting.

My boys really struggled initially with pre-school but I realised I had to persist in the last term before they started in the September because of pre-school was intense for them .. reception class would've been like a nuclear bomb 🤣🤣