My 3 year old is such hard work!

[WhyNotMe40]

So much so that I'm really not enjoying my time with him. And I hate saying that as I live him to bits, but oh my goodness he is constantly pushing boundaries, testing, and just full on and attention demanding for every single second he's awake!

I have other older children. Brought them all up the same - consistent boundaries, enforced empathetically with lots of talk about emotion, but removing/stopping unwanted behaviour at the same time. So touchy feely but not wishy washy iyswim?

He's ridiculously bright. Currently trying to figure out how to read by learning high frequency words we come across in the books we read (I'm not teaching him as I'd rather leave it to school in September). He knows his numbers up to 100. Can do mental arithmetic sums up to about 20, can count in 2s and recognises odds and evens. Tell you how many 10s and "singles" in a 2 digit number. Just from watching Number blocks apparently

But he won't just fucking go and play. Leave me in peace for 5 minutes. He prefers my company to other children, and he hits out a lot at his siblings and ruins their games...

And he absolutely hated preschool!.

Anyone got any ideas to save my sanity?

It's all coming back to me now (argh). Yes, we also asked for donations of stuff to dismantle, with proper tools. He wouldn't be fobbed off with toy tools, unlike my other DC.
God, it's hard work.
It so happened that he was also desperate to read, and would listen to me (think he liked the attention). Ditto musical instruments (also worth a thought?)

I don't think it's ADHD - he can concentrate for ages if it's something he wants to do... But thanks for the thought.
Just found him taking apart a play dough machine thingy and then putting all the cogs back in the right order and screwing it back together again - with just a little help from DH... I think I'll be asking for donations of things to dismantle! I'm a bit worried about the safety of it, but I will try to manage that.
He has some musical instruments but he's very heavy handed with them, and bashes them when frustrated (frequent occurrence) so they are kept out of reach.
I'm not going to do reading apps as I try to limit screen time - he has a bit of cbeebies when I cook tea or has to wait around for a sibling extra curricular activity and that's it. But I will definitely give teaching him myself a go.
Thanks for all the ideas and solidarity I'm feeling a lot more positive about my day with him tomorrow x

I think all 3 year olds can be annoying though. Mine can be demanding but plays in a very different way to yours. She gets very absorbed in role play and is quite incessant in demanding that I’m a princess, a doctor etc. She also gets immensely frustrated if you do it wrong and stomps off in a teenage strop. She’s had an imaginary friend that she plays with when I can’t be bothered. I wonder if they do just all get obsessed with a type of play (whether that be taking stuff apart or role play) and bang on obsessively about it.

Good luck, @WhyNotMe40 I hadn't even thought about apps etc, as there weren't even smartphone when my children were that age. Even if there had been, though, no screen could tailor things to an individual child's needs and ways of learning. Though you obviously know that already!

Haha, sorry, my DS1 was like this at 3. He is 11 now. He does have ADHD (non hyperactive) - would be a mild case, only picked up because I have it and he is very, very like me. He can concentrate on things he wants to do - that's a bit of a misconception. But you can't usually diagnose it at 3, so there is no point speculating at his age anyway. If you have one with ASD I reckon your radar will be tuned well enough to spot neurodiversity anyway.

What would have helped if I'd found it earlier was Janet Lansbury's stuff. It's brilliant - I especially like her constant repetition of the point that if you're getting irritated, you're not setting the boundary early enough. I wish I'd known that when he was younger.

Also I think you're absolutely right to limit screen time - this is DS1's downfall/worst issue/battle we have at the moment as he is bloody obsessed with it and almost reliant on it. To my shame I have been guilty of using it to get a break from him because he is so intense. And now it has come back to bite me because he doesn't really have the skills to occupy himself.

You can learn the basics of Phonics yourself fairly easily and teach him at home. We moved to Germany when DS1 was almost 5 and about to leave preschool, and had just done the letter sounds, so I taught him to read. The Book People do a set of Songbirds books which are absolutely brilliant and totally recommend these. I also read this book which was just a random one I found in WHSmith - there might be something better out there now, but it taught me enough of the basics and I gathered the rest from MN threads.

www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Survival-Guide-Phonics-Spelling/dp/1408140748/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Parent%27s+Survival+Guide+to+Phonics+and+Spelling&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1578602265&sr=8-1

Cremebrule mine is a role-player as well. I have to do it exactly as he says, though. He's a three foot control freak.

I've just got out the chalkboard and in 10 minutes he is blending a-t, c-a-t, s-a-t and m-a-t... I might have to get some early readers from the library! With my other kids I just let school do it and just did the homeworks... One was a bit slow but reading by the end of year 1, the other was pretty quick and reading by then end of the first term of reception.

I feel so stupid. I think he's just been mentally under stimulated all this time and that's why he's been such hard work.
So this morning, armed with screwdrivers and a broken bubble machine he's been happily occupied for at least 2 hours, interspersed with racing through a dot to dot book, and learning some letter sounds..
He's so happy.
I had been restricting him to "toys" and playgrounds and preschool activities but he's obviously just not interested in them. I think kids need to play - but DS won't play and just badgers me constantly. But now I've found some things he enjoys I've managed to even do a bit of cleaning and have a cup of tea!

Sounds similar to my DS in a lot of way, he loves counting and Numberblocks. For Christmas we gave him a screwdriver/drill toy thing. It's a box that you hammer and drill multi coloured plastic screws into the holes, the idea is to make patterns. Keeps him very occupied, he loves drilling them all in and undrilling them all out. Over and over again.

It was similar to this

www.johnlewis.com/educational-insights-design-drill-take-along-tool-kit/p3331107

From what you said yesterday I did wonder if he just extremely bright and just bored!!! I think he will find reception and even yr1 very boring....

That is fab to hear, @WhyNotMe40

Especially that you managed to have a cup of tea!

The first actual books I used with DS (as opposed to doing letter sounds using potato prints, sticks, chalk, mud, etc, etc) were the Peter and Jane ones. All completely discredited and politically incorrect now, of course - but there is presumably a modern equivalent. They are hardly works of staggering literary merit, but they don't half reinforce the 'sounding' method. What became clear with my DS at that age is that his reading was a mixture of sounding words out, and memorising longer words that don't quite fit the 'sounding' pattern.

As RandomMess says, there is the risk that a child who can read before they go to school will find school boring. IME, though, schools can find plenty to occupy bright children who are 'academically ahead' (in my DS's case, I also said he was very much less ahead on the social side of things, and school took this fully into account).

None of this was an issue with my others, who were much more 'textbook children' about all this kind of thing.

I think you will have to work on him not getting his own way all the time. He’s called the shots on nursery and will probably do the same at school. He might refuse to go. I do think you will have to bite the bullet and reintroduce nursery of some description. School won’t be 1:1 and it could be very difficult for both of you. Doing the graft now might be better.

Another numberblocks fan here! Does he have mathlink cubes/numicon?

No but he has Lego and Duplo which he uses to count.

Oh and yes I plan to get him into at least one afternoon preschool session at least by Easter. Just haven't got around to it. Apparently their afternoon sessions are quieter

Perhaps tell them he's into "academic" stuff so they can be prepared!

Numicon is better for maths, each colour represents a different number. The way they slot together is really clever. You can talk about double figures with one of the 'tens' and another number to represent the 'ones'. And they're good for showing how times tables work. My son's set adds up to 400 (we spent some time on christmas day laying them out in rows of 10!).
DH likes to build 3D towers out of them

Hi, I'm late on this thread but curious to see how he is getting on now?
I am currently in the same position as you were back at the start of the year with a really difficult, bright, 3.5 year old. I am at the end of my tether and finding it really hard.
I think maybe I'm just looking for some reassurance that things may get better. He's always been such a good boy, well mannered, well behaved and all round such a pleasure, but since turning 3 in march has just progressively got worse. I keep telling myself its just a phase or whatever but struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
He pushes the boundaries, doesn't listen, shouts at me and says unkind things. No form of discipline has yet worked. I have tried every possible approach.
So my question is, is your son now better? has his behaviour improved? got worse? and any tips you may have to get through this difficult time

Thanks