Would you be offended if I kept forgetting your name?

[GoldenKelpie]

I've been pondering this issue for a long time and now things have come to a head and I have come here for honest opinions.

I seem to have a real issue with recognising faces/names. I mean more than is considered 'normal'. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed at this weakness and am baffled at my inability to remember names/faces.

I work in education and need to recognise many pupils, staff, parents/carers etc. I struggle mightily all the time. I've been at my present school more than a decade and still struggle to place a name to a face of many pupils. I find it devastating.

I am starting at a new school next week and am on the one hand excited at a new challenge but utterly terrified at failing at such a basic requirement.

What should I do? Should I admit it openly and risk derision or judgment? My instinct is to do this actually mainly because I cannot run away from this, can I?

My question to you mnetters is this, if someone new at your workplace admitted they struggled with names/faces, what would your reaction be?

If you were me what would you do?

I can't even talk to anyone in real life as I am so ashamed. Sigh. I think I have lost the plot...

I would be up front about it, say on meeting a new class/parent group etc that you’ve always been terrible at names so please don’t take it personally.

Do you not remember people at all, or is it that you can’t put their name to their face? Does the school have photo sheets of pupils with their names - anything to help day to day?

You may have face blindness. Do you try to remember people's hairstyles or what coat they wear, etc in order to remember who they are?

As an individual, no. It would only bother me if you consistently called me the same variation on my name. Eg if my name was Anna and you always called me Annie. Would bother me if you did certain roles at my work because plenty of clients wouldn't be impressed.

If I'm honest it would bother me if a subject or primary teacher couldn't remember dc's names at parents evening, because if you didn't even recognise them I'd also wonder whether what you were saying was accurate. Unless you teach pe or similar at secondary and have every pupil in the school and it was y7. Wouldn't mind if I knew it was a facial recognition problem rather than don't really know you problem.

I have face blindness (look up prosopagnosia) which means I really struggle with putting names to faces. I have techniques I try to use to recognise people- hairstyles/colour, tattoos, facial hair, gait etc. It is embarrassing but I just explain to people I’m likely to meet again that I’m face blind and apologise

Meant to add no it wouldn’t bother me too much

For the pupils, could you set a seating plan in your class so that they are in the same seats everyday and possibly help you remember more easily? That was fairly normal when I was at school 12 years ago.

Personally it wouldn't bother me as a parent if you forgot my name. My daughter's main minder in creche constantly calls me by my daughter's name. I corrected her once or twice but she seemed mortified so I stopped. It's not a big deal really. My daughter loves her, that's all that matters.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest but that's probably because I have exactly the same issue.
It's really very difficult at work. I've worked with the same doctors for several years now and at this moment I couldn't tell you a single one of their names.

Likely to be prosopagnosia, OP. If you can name it to people, they'll more likely sympathise and you'll be less anxious too.

I am not a teacher but an assistant who works in classes providing support for pupils and outside in playground. I get to know certain pupils who I work with daily eventually, but general children in the playground, that can be an issue.

Stinky, that's interesting. How do people react when you explain?

Elf how do you cope with that situation?

onalong if I could actually pronounce it that would be a good start .

pro-so-pag-nosia

I wouldn't be offended if you told me you were bad at names, I wouldn't be offended if you just couldn't remember my name.

I'd be offended if someone I knew well, as a friend, forgot my name!

Fortunately they wear badges so I can look at those (if they're the right way around of course!)
Otherwise I'm just honest about it. There's nothing I can do, I've always had the same issue and have tried many different ways but the only way I've ever remembered someone's name is spending frequent time with them which I can't do for everybody.

I am bad with names so no I wouldn,t be offended I probably get yours wrong too.

I'm awful with names too OP. My kids find it more of an issue than me... tbh people are usually far to polite to question me anyway. Was calling a school parent the wrong name for three years until he asked me why lol

So, I will take courage in both hands and admit I have an issue. My instinct is that it is the best way and replies here have really helped. Thank you everyone!

June I have a habit to repeating my name to anyone just in case they've forgotten. .

Ah Elf, if only everyone had badges!

Oh Maddening .

Do you recognise the face/child but not remember their name or not recognise them?

I feel like I recognise them but can’t remember their name and having just looked up prosopagnosia that seems to be slightly different to what I feel I have (I could be wrong though).

I also forget their names in relation to something I read/hear etc - so a colleague can tell me that Jo Smith was sick at lunchtime and then if someone asks me who was sick I can’t recall the name I was told. I feel so stupid.

I also work in education and it’s such a disability. Luckily I am competent at other aspects of my job and I just hope that will save me but it makes my job MUCH harder and I think makes me far less credible.

Its definitely a name thing, I think, surfing, and often I get mixed up with two pupils who look (imo) very similar. So frustrating!

My deep fear is that long term excess dieting/bingeing (40 years) has caused issues with my brain and memory function, but I don't know, it's speculation.

You're so right it's disabling and makes everythung so much harder, but I know the contribution I make does have a positive impact on the children I help support and that is so rewarding.

Has it got worse or always same? Menopause can make this worse

To answer your initial question, I'd only be (mildly) offended if you remembered everyone else's name but mine! It's not a big deal though.

@GoldenKelpie - everyone says that’s ok I do it too. Nobody has ever to my face been rude about it and what they Say behind my Back isn’t my problem

MelAndShoe very good point. I'm 56 and so far menopause side effects fairly minor, though I still have Mirana coil fitted so that might make a difference.

So far, people haven't usually been offended when I've been very up-front with them about my poor memory for names. I rely on Facebook or other SM a lot to try to learn people's names. TBH if I ruled the world, everyone would wear name badges in public, to accommodate people like me. (Joke!)

I'm in premature ovarian failure which brings on early menopause (I'm 34) and that's one of the things I've noticed for a while. I thought I was just busy. Since speaking to others I've realised it's a thing. So could be a factor.