Would you be offended if I kept forgetting your name?

[GoldenKelpie]

I've been pondering this issue for a long time and now things have come to a head and I have come here for honest opinions.

I seem to have a real issue with recognising faces/names. I mean more than is considered 'normal'. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed at this weakness and am baffled at my inability to remember names/faces.

I work in education and need to recognise many pupils, staff, parents/carers etc. I struggle mightily all the time. I've been at my present school more than a decade and still struggle to place a name to a face of many pupils. I find it devastating.

I am starting at a new school next week and am on the one hand excited at a new challenge but utterly terrified at failing at such a basic requirement.

What should I do? Should I admit it openly and risk derision or judgment? My instinct is to do this actually mainly because I cannot run away from this, can I?

My question to you mnetters is this, if someone new at your workplace admitted they struggled with names/faces, what would your reaction be?

If you were me what would you do?

I can't even talk to anyone in real life as I am so ashamed. Sigh. I think I have lost the plot...

Can you call everyone Darling, Love, Dear? Ducky?

Have you tried specific mnemonic methods to help you remember names? Darren Brown has written and spoken many times about associative methods that work which might be worth a look? I've found them very helpful. Takes a little time to get used to but once you've got the technique you can do it almost instantly.

I have exactly the same problem. My work means that I am constantly meeting new people and working with new clients. I actually have a small notebook and as soon as I can after meeting someone new I draw a (silly) cartoon of the person and their name,role and few words to describe them. I seem to be able to remember the cartoons better than the actual image of people IYSWIM.

It would only offend me if you were laying next to me in bed!

Oh Mel, so sorry .

I find it a struggle sometimes. I was a supply teacher in secondaries for years so have known thousands and thousands of people.

I'm honest about it. By the time I roll round to Brownies in the evening, I'm tired and more prone to forgetting even the girls that turn up week in week out for years. It happens more with some people than others. I appolgise, say my brain's gone and ask them to remind me.

At more casual social groups, I often confess and it often turns out that the other person had forgotten my name too and is relieved it's not just them

Thinking about it, huge institutions and umteen social groups are a very modern phenonemen. Historically people would have been hard pushed to meet more than a couple of hundred people around their village in a lifetime. They wouldn't have had schools of 1000-2000 pupils, and travelled around for different clubs and societies. The brain never needed to recognise and identify so many people.

Face blindness is a thing I'm aware of so no, not if you'd already told me you struggle with names and faces! Honesty goes a long way with things like this; just a small mention "please forgive if I can't place your name, I really struggle with it' at the start, and that's fine I would remind at need. Or just avoid names completely.

Has it got worse or always same? Menopause can make this worse

I’ve always been bad but it does seem perhaps a bit worse now yes. I am 50 this year and started HRT five months ago as brain fog is a major symptom and probably exacerbates it.

To anyone following this thread, an update:-

I have finished my first week and did not officially announce my memory issues but did mention it in passing here and there informally to staff and some children.

When I am in class working with a group round the table I write everyone's name on a piece of paper where they are sitting at the table so I can talk to them by name. This seems to work well and children are accepting.

I am writing notes every day like a diary. I hope tht writing things down will help me remember. It is good to read back, actually.

Today, just before leaving for home, I had a brief chat with HT and she said she was very happy with how I had settled in and got involved with school life so quickly. I then did mention my difficulty with names/faces but she didn't seem bothered at all.

All in all I am very happy with my new school; the staff are lovely, as are the children. My timetable is great, with a good mix of class-based support and individual one-to-one support. I have my own table in a super large room used by support staff. I am going on a course to learn how to support children with motor skills issues and I am looking forward to applying these skills in school.

Even better, I am so enjoying my 45 minute walk to and from school. Even the awful weather this week (rain and strong winds here) have not been an issue. I can't wait for lighter mornings/evenings and warmer weather.

Its funny but I knew instinctively that walking to work would be a super start to my day, and it is. Part of the walk is along a canal towpath; its so soothing to see the wildlife around me. I am spotting the same people walking too at the same time , we nod and say good morning.

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my thread. Your comments have given me ideas and boosted my confidence no end. 2020 is going to be a fantastic year, I just know it!

I'd call all kids 'darling'

Sorry, just seen your update

Glad it's going well!

What a lovely update!

I'd call all kids 'darling'
managedmis I do that but I know how special it is that someone can mention them by name, so I want to help them feel special iyswim.

It makes me sad that I can't do that but hopefully if I admit to them that I struggle and ask them to speak to me in the playground and ask me who they are (which I've done) and maybe give me a clue like the first letter of their name, I might remember. Make a bit of a game of it.

Thanks, thinkof a blinkingnamewoman.