What do you take if you were going to your partners’ parents place for lunch at the weekend?

[Jaybird100]

What do you take if you were going to your partners’ parents place for lunch at the weekend?

Say they had already prepared the appetiser, main (roast meat with all sorts of roast veg), plus drinks plus desert.

Is it expected for me to bring something along with me? If so, what? As I’m not their child, I feel bad as if I am just freeloading their food!

If you are talking about a newish partner - still 'making an impression', then I'd treat it like anyone else who invited me round for a meal - take wine and maybe flowers or a plant or some chocs.

However, if we were going round to MiLs I wouldn't take anything now (many, many years in)They are family, and I wouldn't have taken anything when going "home", so am not about to start taking things to MiL, and nor would I expect (or want) them to bring anything here if they were eating here. It would be down to dh if he felt differently.

Yup, wine and flowers.

My DB and SIL came for supper the other night. They brought a large pomegranate, a bunch of tulips, a bottle of wine, a few cans of beer and a packet of delicious nibbly pastry thingies from M&S. So sweet and generous, but far more than necessary!

Dear lord I'd be bankrupt if I took something to in laws every time I ate there! We're all close and I see them a few times a week and eat there at least once a week, they eat at mine probably once a month. Same with my own parents. Id never imagine to take anything or expect anything to be brought.
Are people really that formal with their own families?

Definitely wine and flowers. Maybe chocolates too.

I'd take a bottle of wine

When we visit PiLs I always make sure we take some wine and flowers (or a nice plant).

Often take cheese and biscuits, some nice chutney if they are doing dinner - we can all have a bit after pudding and they can enjoy what's left when we leave the next day (I know they like a ploughman's lunch).

Dear lord I'd be bankrupt if I took something to in laws every time I ate there!

I interpreted this as a first visit hence my answer. Would not expect to take a gift each time after that.

Flowers. Certainly wouldn't bring food unless specially asked.
I don't see them often and I know they usually have flowers so it will be appreciated.

If it is early in your relationship and this is a first visit then I would take flowers and wine or chocolates.

KatherineJaneway of course we'd all bring something on the first couple of visits, but some pp are saying they continue this all the way through the years, which just seems very formal to me. Surely you don't "host" family, you just meet and enjoy eachothers company.

Surely you don't "host" family, you just meet and enjoy eachothers company.

Woeisme99, I suppose if a few bottles of wine are drunk each time then you might want to bring a bottle due to the cost to the host each time. That's all I can think of.

I go at least once a week so I don't bring anything, same when they come to me.

A flamethrower...

Though if you get on OK, a bunch of flowers and a bottle, as PP have said.

Never turn up empty handed. Even with family, take something as a thankyou for the meal & effort.

Nice wine/ champagne & Flowers normally

Now, nothing.

First time, pot plant.

Flowers.

@P1nkHeartLovesCake - that would be completely over the top though if you were popping in to your partner's parents house on the way back from a football match, or calling in for a quick bite after work.

We need @Jaybird100 to come and clarify if this is a "driving 150 miles to specifically meet them" type meal or a 'We'll grab some beans on toast as we'll be in the area for 40mins passing through" type meal......... if it is a new relationship or a 20 years in relationship..... and so forth.

@IncrediblySadToo yes, them to us and us to them. Absolutely zero in the way of expectation on either side, but we all like to show appreciation when someone's shopped, cooked and hosted whether it's friends or whether it's family.

We all enjoy giving and don't find it a faff at all. I'm not talking big effort, a bunch of daffs and supermarket wine is hardly a big streth.

New-ish relationship of less than a year.
Going around on a weekly basis for a few weeks consecutively recently. I can’t return the favour by hosting at mine due to living circumstances.

but we all like to show appreciation when someone's shopped, cooked and hosted whether it's friends or whether it's family.

We find saying ‘thank you for the meal, we’ve had a lovely evening’ etc is appreciation enough, we don’t need gifts. Thankfully family & friends are all of the same mindset.

But if I wanted to take a gift for someone hosting, it wouldn’t be daffs & supermarket wine 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d take wine, plus a nice soft drink (particularly if I’m not drinking alcohol) and maybe chocolates or indulgent biscuits.

In that case, no I wouldn't take stuff if you are round there every week. Your partner is just 'going home'.
I would expect that to be a comfortable, relaxed relationship if you are there every week.
If I were your partner's parents, I'd far rather you insisted on washing up, or doing something else useful than clogged up my home with weekly pot plants / vases of flowers etc.

Flowers. Nothing too fancy.

Depends on how well you know them and how often you see them. If you pop round a couple of times a week and are basically the daughter they never had, empty handed is fine. Offer to help wash up. If you barely know them and this is the annual duty visit, take some wine or flowers.