Would you make your son cut his hair?

[originalcatlady]

DS in Y6. About 14 months ago, after some serious bullying (all dealt with now, new schools etc), he pulled out about a third of his hair. We let it grow for a bit, but then he ended up having it cut with scissors as couldn't shave due to soreness, but basically ended up with a number 2 type cut, to make it look reasonable.

He's refused to have it cut since.

He used to love having the latest styles, like very short on sides and floppy on top. It's now getting very long. School doesn't have an issue with it, but I think his high school will be quite strict about it.

I don't know what to do. Should I just leave him, let him decide when it's time? He won't even have a trim, even if he wanted to keep it longer, just to tidy it up. Am I overthinking this, in worrying that it may lead to further bullying or getting told off at some point? Or worrying that there's some big trauma going on?

Have you asked his secondary what their policy on hair is? I personally think rules around hairstyles are bloody awful. Kids get NO chance to express themselves.

I'd let it grow. I love long hair on boys.

Leave it be.

He used to like one kind of hairdo, now he prefers it left long. It's not uncommon, and thought it might have been related to his hair-pulling, change of tastes in hair and grooming is terribly common.

Look out for signs of stress, if younare still concerned, but don't assume this is one in isolation.

And just leave him in peace to choose his own style.

You can find out about hair policy at next school after allocations day (perhaps during introduction days?) and needed cut to comply (if that is needed at all) until late Aug or start of Sept

Secondary school will tell you their hair policy when he moves up. Some allow long hair for religious reasons only, some if it’s “tidy” (eg tied back), others seem quite open-minded...
Given his history, I would be inclined to let him grow it until he feels in control and comfortable. Then perhaps talk to the school about the policy and your son’s background if it’s likely to cause a problem next year.

Do you just think I'm overthinking it then? He's very happy now, the new school changed everything.

He's into scootering at the moment as well, so maybe just a change in friends and that lifestyle has influenced the change...but refusing even a tidy up...

Leave him be, it's only hair. My boy had properly long hair for years. And it's obviously tricky for him to get it cut, I wouldn't force it at all.

Long hiar on boys is having a bit of a thing right now, he might just want to grow it out, why not talk to him about growing it out to a length he likes and then getting it trimmed into a better style? secondary school should be okay with it so long as he ties it up

If he’s washing it, leave him alone. Worry about secondary when the time comes. Glad he is happier now.

I'm so glad you don't all think I'm a terrible parent for not being able to get my son to have his hair cut! (Comments have been made my friends.)

@FairytaleofBykerGrove he needs the usual nagging to shower, but nothing major!

Leave it, it's his hair. You may find he eventually decides to have it cut but it should be up to him. Schools that make a big deal out of hair length are archaic. Mine had long and I was forever getting letters suggesting he goes to the barber - which I largely ignored. What was more stupid was that boys were not allowed to have their hair tied back. How ridiculous is that?

He does have his hair cut now though, not very often but it doesn't really grow long any more. He's a musician so nobody cares.

I'm so sorry your son went through all that, it must have been horrendous for him. Perhaps he's scared that if he has his hair cut, it won't grown again - that is a real fear for some people. Bless him.

I think that's what I'm worried about. I don't care so much what style he has, I think I'm worried about whether it means something more??

Of course you’re not a terrible parent.
I dislike long hair on boys personally but my sons hair is his own and not mine so he has the style he likes. If he wants to let it grow longer, all i ask is that he has a tidy up because otherwise he looks bloody scruffy with his double crown and hair jabbing out all over the place (he doesn’t have ‘long’ hair by anyone else’s standards, just way longer than I like!). The barber listens to him and tells me what he’s planning to do - basically just trim down the long sticky out bits over his ears etc.
You might find senior school quite accomodating, ours is. Just defines no outlandish ‘unnatural’ colours and no extreme styles (less than grade 2). Fairly sensible although I don’t really understand policies on other people’s hair beyond clean and tidy.

My son has long, past the shoulder hair. (I tried to post a pic but it wont)
He's 13 and in year 8. School rule is the same as for girls, it has to be tied up. He does get some bullying about being a girl but he's started sarcastically checking if he has a penis which seems to work.

No not force him to cut his hair!
By year 6 he is more than capable to decide what he wants. I’d find either nice pics of long men’s hairstyles or famous people with similar hair and show him them.
If it needs a bit of styling perhaps point him in that direction but mostly I’d appalled and support him for being himself and having the guts to show it!

Oh and don’t listen to others, people kept nagging me when my boy was 2 yrs old to cut his hair FFS

I'd be worried if he wasn't taking an interest in his appearance and seemed a bit down, but if he is happy and has friends I might think he probably just wants a new style. You could certainly ask him about that in a sensitive way. Maybe ask him what sort of style his friends have and what does he think of it?

I've asked him just to have a tidy up and he won't even discuss it. I can't decide if that fear or just "teenage" stubbornness.

He's got a mix of friends, a couple with big Afro styles, a couple with the short sides/long top cut that everyone has atm, and then a few skater friends with the longer style.

Maybe it is just the change in friends. Maybe he actually has the confidence to be himself now and I've got it backwards!

Leave it be :) My 6 year old boy has hair down between his shoulder blades and he loves it! I just make sure he knows that it's his choice, if he wants to cut his hair then we will. Do try to talk him into getting a trim though, it's better for the hair health (and length!) if it's trimmed a tiny bit off regularly.

Would also recommend Wet Brush as a brand for getting any tangles out. Easily the best brush I've ever bought!

Leave him alone. I was dragged to the camp barbers every 6 weeks and made to look like a squaddie. The fact that long hair doesn't suit my face was neither here nor there. Also the longer it grows, the quicker the bad memories will fade.

Let him decide.

This issue annoys me so much on a personal level. I have two boys. My 7yo especially has gorgeous hair, thick shiny blonde with natural highlights. Youngest is 3 and has brown with blonde highlights. My parents and their other grandparents keep taking both boys behind my back and getting it cut into hideous short back and sides. I just personally hate this style as much as many seem to hate the long. They just look ridiculous and not like my boys. I've told GPs repeatedly now they are both growing it long.

My 7yo was swimming last night and loads of the boys had long shorts and long hair like little surfers . Looks awesome to me!

Secondary should tell you their rules on hairstyles when you get uniform information. If they're ok with it being long (I'd be tempted to say even if they aren't, but that's just my view on ridiculous rules that have no impact on learning) and he's happy, don't push it. DS1 had long hair from 9 to about 13, as long as he was washing and brushing it I was happy for him to keep it long!

My same aged DS has sensory issues, for him long hair is more comfortable and it's comforting to him, so he has it long. My only rules are it must be clean and it must be out of his eyes (he has impaired vision too!)
If secondary school kick up a fuss, I will too- rules about hair should apply to boys same as girls. He has it tied up for school safely now in primary, so I don't think there'll be issues at secondary anyway.
He is so much happier now he has it long.

I've checked the two most likely secondary schools that he will get into and both say no colours, no extreme styles, longer than a 2, no tramlines etc. Nothing about length.

My little brother was the same he refused for years and it was longer than mine! All down his back. At 17 he cut it all off and donated it to the princess trust.

He liked it at the time, then he didn't and now he has a 'normal' style. Our mum didn't like it but its his head and quickly embraced it. Don't worry he's only young and it makes no odds, let him express himself! Everyone's too samesy anyway :)

Tbh if it's clean and brushed I'd let him be.