Would you make your son cut his hair?

[originalcatlady]

DS in Y6. About 14 months ago, after some serious bullying (all dealt with now, new schools etc), he pulled out about a third of his hair. We let it grow for a bit, but then he ended up having it cut with scissors as couldn't shave due to soreness, but basically ended up with a number 2 type cut, to make it look reasonable.

He's refused to have it cut since.

He used to love having the latest styles, like very short on sides and floppy on top. It's now getting very long. School doesn't have an issue with it, but I think his high school will be quite strict about it.

I don't know what to do. Should I just leave him, let him decide when it's time? He won't even have a trim, even if he wanted to keep it longer, just to tidy it up. Am I overthinking this, in worrying that it may lead to further bullying or getting told off at some point? Or worrying that there's some big trauma going on?

Long hair is for anyone gender doesn't come into it so long as he's happy with it and the school has no issue then its not a problem and like you said he washes it and keeps it clean. Im growing my son's hair out till he decides himself what he wants doing to it but i don't see it as any different to a girls hair it wouldn't grow if it wasn't mean to be would it

Bluerussian did you ask how many letters they sent home to girls suggetsing they need a trip to the barber's or that they can't tie there hair back id be schooling them on gender discrimination for that

Think back to the time your son was being bullied and literally tearing out his hair. His long hair doesn't seem so important now, does it? He's happy. Leave him be.

Ah @Knittedfairies yes! This!

DS1 is in Y8 and his hair is now down just past his shoulders. School does not seem to have a problem with it. Why should boys have to have short hair while girls have a choice?

If the only thing kids experiment on is their hair, that's getting off lightly!

Your poor son has had a horrible time of it and showed this by pulling his hair out. He’s now trying to take back control by not getting his hair cut.
Let him be. Pick your battles, he’s starting to find his own way in the world with new friends etc.
If your friends make comments about it then are they really your friends?

one of dds friends had amazing hair in year 6. His hair was amazingly curly and he wore it really long, right down past his shoulders in this amazing curly mass.
Secondary didn't blink an eye, and all was fine. They are now year 10 and I saw him recently and it is now very short. Made me a bit sad actually!

Let him be, when he goes to secondary show him the rule and make sure he knows he can go to the barbers, get some hair bobbles, whatever, from you and then leave him to it. School will say if there is a problem, and then he can decide how he wants ot solve it.

No, I wouldn't. School here say no number 1 or 2 cuts, long hair is allowed for all as long as it is tied back for some lessons (sports and anything with food or machines)

It is his hair and his choice. I absolutely hate the idea that schools can tell children how they should have their hair. I can understand (just about) why they might have issues with crazy colours, but not length. But then I hate uniform too, you have years of having to dress a certain way for work, let children express themselves while they can. Why shouldn't boys have long hair? Would you say the same to a girl who wanted short hair?

I don't have an issue with boys having long hair. I was worried it was a sign of underlying issues after what happened. He had it long ish as a toddler.

My DS (15) has wild hair and refuses to cut it. It's about shoulder length and madly curly. I couldn't care less and school allow anything as long as there are no extreme colours - they were very unhappy a couple of years back when he dyed it electric blue 😂

I see hair as a way for kids to express themselves so in all honesty if he has stopped pulling it and it is clean then I'd let him crack on.

Your friends are dicks, by the way.

Boys have choices about hair in the same way as girls.

At one point, my 15 yr old DS had long hair. He generally wore it loose, but tied it back when in cooking or doing PE. That was what the school policy was. They can't dictate a boy has short hair when girls can have long hair.

You've all made me feel so much better. I'm just hoping it's self expression and being relaxed with who he is, rather than some sign of hidden trauma.