Really nervous that as a same sex couple, we won't be accepted/welcomed into the village

[Mojitosinthesun]

Hi,

We're hopefully moving to a new area, although it's still early days, so 🤞🤞 but unfortunately I can't seem to completely relax and look forward to it, as I'm worried that we won't be fully accepted into the community, as a same sex couple.

I'm sure this sounds ludicrous to most of you, but the reality is, we have had issues in the past and it's really knocked my confidence.

I really want to be part of the community, but I'm worried that that won't happen and before you know it, we've been there 5 years and don't know anyone.

It's not even full on homophobes that I'm thinking about (although that would obviously be awful) but just generally not being included.

It would be lovely to have neighbour friends, where we could pop round for dinner and vice versa, but I wonder if most straight couples prefer the dynamics of two men-two women. Again, this might sound crazy.

It's a mixed village, in terms of age groups apparently, but I also get the feeling it's quite a Christian village, which is another concern.

I understand I need to get out there and that people aren't going to come knocking, but I just need my confidence building up. It's been a bit battered, to say the least.

I desperately want to get on and enjoy life. I've been miserable where we are now, for several years.

Thoughts and advice would be much appreciated

TIA

Don’t worry about it I have lived in a couple of different villages ( Hampshire) . Honestly nobody will bat an eyelid and if they do just ignore, everywhere has the odd one who doesn’t like new people ( elderly lady next door to us disapproved of me working ). Go to the local pub on quiz night or whatever and meet a few locals. If you put the effort in you will make friends. Also don’t judge people in villages, around here they are mostly ex Londoners and I would be highly surprised if they don’t all have a mix of different people (including same sex couples) within close friendships groups. Enjoy your new home and say hello to the people next door. Oh and they are probably more interested in your job and what you plan to do with the house than anything else x

Are all the vicars gay?

Maybe if I was naturally an extrovert I'd be less nervous. I think I'm friendly, but I'm not massively confident, although I have been told I come across as confident....which is nice. I don't want to get stuck in my comfort zone basically and hide away.

Well, there’s not much point in me saying that you’re right to be cautious, as you’ve asked this after you moved there, but I think there’s a lot of well-meaning denial on this thread. We’re straight, and arrived from London with a small baby and a real enthusiasm for village activities and rural life — I’d grown up in the countryside in my home country, too — joined things, volunteered, did everything you are supposed to etc, and we simply didn’t fit in at all — we were just not the type of person that lived locally. It was a fairly homogeneous place, and most people had generations of connection to the area, and we remained ‘those foreigners’.

We eventually left after seven years, and now live in a rural area in another country, where we’re much happier and it’s much more welcoming of different types of people.

Good luck, OP.

You will probably get a mixed response depending on individuals. Moving to a village can be daunting for anyone, as I know from personal experience, but I'm sure you will meet some nice people.

My village is both quite friendly, and quite typical in English villages in that there are the real "organisers," the people who run the residents assoc, the fireworks display every year, and that sort of social stuff - and the people you don't know at all, who just commute for work, keep themselves to themselves.

This pretty much sums up where I live. I definitely fall into the latter catagory, I've lived here four years and don't know the names of either of my next door neighbours.
In my DD's class, there are two children who have same-sex parents and nobody bats an eyelid.

I definitely fall into the latter catagory, I've lived here four years and don't know the names of either of my next door neighbours.

Wow - we had no such choice! We were inundated with the neighbours on moving day! I was trying to unpack the essentials and breastfeed the baby, after the worst moving day ever (trying to juggle 2 dc and a baby, previous occupiers hadn't packed - delayed our removal men- god it was awful!) They kept calling in when we were in chaos and telling us about parking etiquette in the village They're OK though. We go to the local pub with them, it's nice.

Well personally I'd prefer the dynamic of no neighbours coming round for dinner....irrespective of sexuality.

^^

I’m the only veggie in the village.

^^

Ooh no - no neighbours and you're terribly isolated. I like the thought that me/my dc can run next door if there's ever an emergency. Although I can see the point that no neighbours = no hassle. Obviously they have to be good neighbours, or goodish at least

This thread has put me village life forever. The thought of having very friendly, over invested neighbours who want to pop round for dinner is my idea of hell. I love urban living, the high hedges means no interacting other than a wave and hello as you drive last on the street 😂

Well personally I'd prefer the dynamic of no neighbours coming round for dinner....irrespective of sexuality.

This also made me laugh

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want overly friendly, nosey neighbours. One of my friends had a lovely neighbour (since moved), but she really over stepped the mark on occasion imo. Certainly nothing intentionally so, she was genuinely lovely, but was the type that wouldn't take no for an answer if someone said they didn't need help and just pop round....a lot, poke her head through the window in the summer to speak to the DCs etc

Would just be nice to feel welcomed I suppose. Making actual friends would be a bonus.

I was going to say exactly what @BobbyBlueCat said - if you don’t find it welcoming, it can often have a lot to do with simply being newcomers.

There’s a great bit in James Herriot where a character who is about 70 and has lived in the village for 50 years is still referred to as t’new young lad.

Haha @FenellaMaxwell