Strangulation and ADHD child

[BertyFlanter]

Hi, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend. She has a son in the final year of primary school who is being bullied by a child in his class. This child is considerably larger than him, and three of the incidents at school have involved him strangling friends DS. A 4th incident of strangling happened the day after school finished for Christmas at a kids party so strictly speaking outside of school. It also involved strangling him until he was dizzy and losing colour.
This has obviously distressed both son and mum considerably but they have stayed calm and want to deal with it properly through the school.

DF doesn't want her DS to be in the same class as the bully, and is willing to remove her son to ensure his safety. The issue is that each time it's been raised (particularly the three strangling incidents) she is told that this child has ADHD and allowances must be made, they are dealing with it etc. Only clearly they aren't as it keeps happening!

No one wants to make life harder for any other mums, but equally feel as if a duty of care is not being extended to the NT child in this situation.

Does anyone have any advice or resources that could help formulate a fair but firm case to put to the head? The DS doesn't want to move classes and we don't think he should have to as the victim.
My view is that the ADHD actually has nothing to do with the situation just muddies the waters, and it should be dealt with the same as any other bullying situation. The strangling aspect is incredibly worrying, any escalation from this level of violence doesn't bare thinking about.

Any pointers ,references or links would be much appreciated 🙂

Escalate all the way up. Strangulation is extremely dangerous and the school is minimising. Go above the Head to the governors. And get the child to a doctor if he started blacking out.

If my DC was being physically assaulted at school, I would be reporting it to the police, particularly if the school staff were not dealing with it.

I would also say complain to the governors.

The school have a responsibility to keep all children safe. They are also not supporting the other boy properly if this is happening regularly.

As an aside though strangulation - or rather an inability to control emotions and actions - is very much be part of ADHD.

Is the other child 11 yet? The easiest solution for all, may be to just get the police involved....the child with SEN may then get some help. She needs to take photos of any injuries.

Otherwise the school has a legal duty of care towards your friend's child and they must keep him safe from harm.

TBC I obvioulsy don’t mean all children with ADHD will strangle - but it could very much be not within that child’s ability to control himself by himself. Which is why the school needs to manage the situation.

That is awful. The child should be expelled,
Can you contact the board of education if all else fails. Are you sure the school are minimising this.

My son has asd and adhd and has on occasion when younger been to rough with other children. His disability doesn't make this acceptable and school are failing your friends son! My sons school put measures in place in ensure he was never alone with another child they did intensive play therapy with him and worked at building his relationship with the other children. What is being done to safe guard your friends son? Your friends can't let this drop her son should be safe at school no matter what. I'd like to add my son is now 10 and no longer gets to the point he's so frustrated he lashes out but it's taken work all round.

ADHD has nothing to do with this, the school have a duty of care to ALL children. The school should have excluded the other child if they are unable to meet his needs, this includes keeping the other children and staff safe. I'd take this to the governors and if no one does anything I'd be ringing the board and possibly the police. He would end up killing your dc (sorry to be dramatic)

Get a copy of the schools complaints procedure and follow it. It’s a good guide for parents and your rights.

Make sure every meeting complaint phone call is followed up in writing. They don’t act on verbal communication.

By the way my dd has adhd and she's now in a special school as she was violent to other dc and staff, the school have been brilliant dealing with it all and it was them that secured her place in the special school. As they put it 'they are unable to meet her needs)

Ten is the age of criminal responsibility. Strangulation to point of chocking/dizziness is extremely dangerous. Please report to the school.

ADHD with needs not being met might be a valid explanation for why he does it. But it's not an excuse for the school to use on his behalf to try and justify their failure to protect other dc.

Thank you all for quick responses! There has definitely been minimising of the situation, some along the lines of well it's the last few months of school etc.

My DF wants to go in on Monday and demand that this boy is removed from DS class immediately and kept away outside of lesson times. Whilst that doesn't sound unreasonable to me, from previous experience I dont think it will be that simple. We live in an area that is incredibly underfunded (I know it's like that everywhere but here very much so) and I imagine any parent who wanted addition resources for a child would have to fight tooth and nail for it.

Should the school have done a risk assessment that DF is entitled to see?
Should DF mention governors first, then council or ofsted? I know she has the ofsted report so I'll get her to read through that and see if any policies jump out as appropriate.

Fuck that.
Mines the same year year and it is a shitty weird year for the kids. But the school are not keeping him safe, bollocks to allowances my child wouldn’t be in that school for the remainder until they could keep him safe.

Are they going on to the same secondary?

I couldn’t allow my son to go to school where this had happened once let alone 3 times. Strangulation leads to death. The school clearly can’t manage his behaviour or even supervise him adequately

Have you considered the police? The school should have a community officer with emphasis very much on prevention rather than criminal .... a scare tactic if you like

I threatened this when DD moved schools and the bully was in his class. They moved DS quick quick.

The school shouldn't even be telling your friend that this other child has adhd. They shouldn't be discussing him at all with her.

They should be explaining how they will keep her son safe. Saying 'oh well he's got xxxx' is a cop out.

She should get a copy of the schools complaints procedure and follow that. No point jumping straight to governors as it'll get pushed back to the head and waste time. Get her to keep a diary and make a fresh complaint after every new incident. I know you've said they don't want him to move class as it would be unfair but would it really solve the problem? If it's happening within class, what is the teacher doing? If not and it's happening at lunch /breaktime then swapping classes won't help anyway.

Calling the police is an option but in all likelihood will not amount to much.

In my opinion the school have been given ample opportunity to resolve this. They’ve failed. She needs to escalate it, governors at the least and probably police

If your friend has not followed through to the next stage with previous incidents they are seen as being completed to her satisfaction.

If this last incident was not in school then you have no complaint. Whoever organised the party should have supervised the children better sorry.

Strangulation is so dangerous, its not even a case of strangling to the point of lack of air causing unconsciousness - which is obviously dangerous! - there are pressure points in the neck that can cause death very quickly or even instantly if caught wrong.

The school really need it to be made crystal clear that there is a chance this is going to end very very badly if this child is not prevented from strangling people.

It's not a case of being a bit rough, this could be fatal, and it could be fatal before staff have chance to intervene.

The school have a duty of care to the other kids. They have the right to be safe at school and not be assaulted. The 'allowances' that need to be made are adjustments to let the child with adhd better handle whatever is triggering them to lose control, and adjustments that mean they aren't able to endanger themselves or others. 'letting Billy strangle Tommy because he's got adhd and can't help it' is not an acceptable management strategy!

School won't discuss how they are managing the child with adhd, but your friend can require that a strategy is put in to place to keep her child safe, focusing on her child, rather than the aggressor.

I think I'd also be asking quite pointedly what action they'd be taking if the child had repeatedly strangled a member of staff, rather than a child half the size, much less able to defend themselves, and why the (no doubt) robust response to an adult being assaulted isn't deemed to be the appropriate response to a a child in their care being subject to a life threatening assault. I might save that for if they are obstructive though. Best not to burn all your bridges at once...

The school are failing in their duty to safeguard this child. I would immediately report the schools lack of action to ofsted.

Should the school have done a risk assessment that DF is entitled to see?

That will be dependent on how personal it is to the child in question. They will have a right to their personal information being kept private. Your DF can know how they will keep her child safe.

Should DF mention governors first, then council or ofsted?

She needs to follow the complaints procedure for the school which she can get a copy of from them. Jumping to governors will likely get it bumped back to the head to deal with in the first instance.

If the school is an academy the council may help sign post but won't be much help.

Ofsted, again, can help point your DF in the right direction but won't generally get involved with individual complaints about schools.

I'm reading and appreciating all the responses.

I'm just looking at info on strangulation and the effects/ escalations etc but it all seems to be coming under the DV umbrella. I suppose the risks and common paths of these situations would be fairly similar.

As a side note - if a child has DS in a vice grip he needs to put both arms in the middle of the aggressor and hit out side wards so the boy lets go. It might be worth practicing this at hime jut Incase he needs it!

I know he shouldn’t but it could save his life.
Teaching staff are taught this, not sure why kids aren’t.

@GreenTulips

I will get DF to look at that, good idea. And point about teachers but not kids!