Can you help me find a focus in life please?

[Sabredance]

I’m nearly 60. I have a genetic condition that rules out any repetitive movements that use my hands for long periods. Crafts using scissors, things like knitting or crochet, using gym equipment are very difficult and many are downright dangerous. I can walk thank heavens but limit is 5 miles then my foot hurts a lot.

My family live overseas or at the other end of the country and I live alone. I have good friends which I’m so grateful for but other than getting together for coffee and a chat and going for a daily walk I have absolutely no focus in life. I retired early because I was in too much pain to carry on doing my job (teaching assistant) and I’m on a low income so I don’t have much disposable cash once the bills are paid. I can feel myself sinking into depression and really don’t want to go there.

I need to help myself but don’t know what to try. I’m on long term antidepressants. I would volunteer but at the moment feel I need someone to support me rather than being in a position to support others. I don’t want to burden my family and friends as they all have loads of shit of their own to deal with. TIA

Join a choir?

Take up yoga?

I second joining a choir. I did exactly that a year ago, and I have been less depressed and anxious this year than I have been for a while.

How about volunteering in a charity shop? En you're not directly necessarily supporting anyone. I have done this and it's lovely getting to know he customers and good fun sorting through donations and making displays.
Or could you take up gardening at all? I find growing and nuturing things very therapeutic.
Are you on Facebook? There are lots of groups on Facebook for example I'm in a 'grow your own food' group and we share info and recipes too. Social media could be a lifeline for you?
I hope you feel better soon x

How about hospital visiting OP? I’m guessing you want to be out and about meeting people?

In an ideal world, what would you love to do?

Thank you for replying. Gardening I can’t do because of my hands. I’d love to join a choir but my voice goes after about half an hour of singing because my vocal chords are affected by the condition I have. I seem to be able to talk a lot though😀 as long as I don’t have to speak loudly. So hospital visiting could be good. I wasn’t aware that was a ‘thing’ other than if you are visiting someone you know. Will definitely google that thanks.

Floffel the thing is I don’t know what I’d like to do ideally. It’s more that I want purpose and a reason to keep on going every day really rather than having things I’d love to do if that makes sense?

My recommendations in order:

1. Get a dog (only if you like dogs obviously! A rescue dog with medium exercise needs, pref one without separation anxiety, as that can be a bind).
2. If you don't like dogs, get a rescue cat (I feel like you could get a cat even if you don't like cats...they have a strange way of getting into your affection - even the horrid cats, and they are no work at all.

(I have a rescue dog & cat and not only do I get the heart-warming benefits of having 2 lovely pets, dog keeps me fit and getting outside, especially this time of year, which is so good for you - I also feel (only to myselff & on this post!) incredibly smug and proud of my pets, that I have given them a good home and that they are so great!)
They are wonderful company, and they both greet me happily hungrily when I get home which is lovely too.

1. Pilates twice a week (you will be amazed the difference it makes - again only if you don't find it painful - but most good instructors will suggest gentler alternatives - I pay approx £7 per class in a village hall, so not gym tie-ins and there will be lots of women your age there to chat to if you want.
2. Choir (as others have said)
3. Gardening?

Sorry scrap the gardening!
Would you still get something from going to choir, I imagine most groups aimed at beginners don't sing continuously and you might be happy to just sing part of the session then just enjoy the music/singing/company the rest of the time?

Have u considered U3A? Lots of activities there. My friend is a member (abroad) and thoroughly recommends.

WI - helping to organise meetings, getting involved in events. They normally hold monthly meetings so maybe not too onerous to you? Some of their activities are very interesting Eg local history, gardening (not the doing bit!), culture, crafts.

Choirs are generally 2 hours with a break in the middle. So around 1 hour then a break then 45 mins.

And you don’t sing continually. They might get the altos you sing. Then the sopranos. So probably only singing half the time.

Give it a go. Once your voice goes just follow along. And hopefully after the break you could join in again?

Choirs are really exactly for this kind of thing. And no one minds if you sing or don’t sing. Just don’t fall asleep and snore :)

Thank you all again. I will look into U3A and WI as love to learn but not in a formal way. I can’t afford a dog or cat but maybe there are volunteering opps with an animal charity. Choir would be too frustrating I think and annoying when my voice conks out after a short time. I used to play in an orchestra but can’t do that anymore.

Custard I can’t do an hour singing but if it’s ok to just take a rest every so often that would be do able. Thanks.

Here’s the article that made me aware of hospital visiting OP - www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-49633721

Could you carry on assisting children with their learning from your home? perhaps have someone come to you for extra tuition?

Or could you volunteer for the simaritins on the phones?

Some good suggestions upthread....
What are you good at?
What brings you joy?

If you're a good chatter, how about a visiting service for people who are home alone?
Or, with your skills and DBS clearance, is there voluntary work you can do in a school- less commitment than full-time work?
What about a learn-to-read adults scheme locally?

Have a look at the Cinnamon Trust
cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/

They need volunteer dog walkers or people who will do short term fostering of pets when owners go into hospital.

If you can't afford a cat but like animals would you consider rescuing a couple of guinea pigs? They like to live indoors with you and they really are great company. Mine use to shout hello when I came in the door and shout for his breakfast when he heard me on the stairs in the morning. They chirrup at you just for a general chat too.

The open cages that C&C do are incredibly easy to keep clean.

If you're able to walk for around 5 miles, that's good going, so it means you have mobility.

Do you have a local village/community shop nearby that you could help doing very little duties such as counting stock, serving customers and doing some shop window displays.

Even if you limit yourself to 30-60 mins to give it a try, or maybe you'll find you could do 30 mins, have a break and then another 30 mins. Small chunks of time sound do-able from how you describe your condition/symptoms, but it's probably going to be trial and error to se how you cope.

Sounds like a priority for you is companionship and interaction to keep you feeling positive.

Sorry, I meant to type very light duties rather than very little duties

These are such helpful ideas. I’m going to register with the Cinnamon Trust, have found two interest groups nearby that are part of the nearest U3A (one is a choir) and will keep checking the RVS vacancies for hospital visiting. At the moment there are hospital shop and trolley opportunities which I don’t fancy. Thank you for the links and ideas everyone.

daisychain01 thankfully I’m mobile most of the time except when I have foot related pain and when I am mobile I can do 5 miles which is great for dog walking. If there are light duties I’d work in a charity shop. It’s bending and carrying things and anything that involves a lot of repetitive hand movement like writing, typing, crafting and other fine motor skills that can result in injury or a lot of pain.

A charity shop would accommodate your mobility issues.
Great idea about getting a cat! I love my cats and they're definitely a reason to get out of bed on a morning. You should contact any local rescues as they often offer a 'long term foster' service for older or 'hard to rehome' cats (for example with ongoing medical needs) where they continue to foot the bill for the cat in your home setting. Pets can bring so much joy

If you can talk easily (as mentioned in a PP) you could volunteer for one of the many helplines that exist. They provide training and can reroute calls to you home line (using the standard helpline number)

What about silver line? (for older people).

I didn’t think a charity shop would be suitable as they’d need someone who could lift, carry and stock shelves but it’s good to know they can accommodate different mobility levels. There are loads where I live so that’s a good start. I’d not get approval from a cat charity as I’m really near a very busy road. Quite a few people around me have been turned down by cats protection and other shelters. Maybe if there was an indoor cat though that could be a consideration. I can ask I guess. If the vets bill were paid for that would definitely be something I’d do. I’m happy to have an old girl or boy who just wants a nice warm, safe place and someone to love them.

The good thing about telephone work is that you could get a headset, which means your hands and arms aren't under any strain.

Plus you'll get a good vibe out of talking with people.