Can you help me find a focus in life please?

[Sabredance]

I’m nearly 60. I have a genetic condition that rules out any repetitive movements that use my hands for long periods. Crafts using scissors, things like knitting or crochet, using gym equipment are very difficult and many are downright dangerous. I can walk thank heavens but limit is 5 miles then my foot hurts a lot.

My family live overseas or at the other end of the country and I live alone. I have good friends which I’m so grateful for but other than getting together for coffee and a chat and going for a daily walk I have absolutely no focus in life. I retired early because I was in too much pain to carry on doing my job (teaching assistant) and I’m on a low income so I don’t have much disposable cash once the bills are paid. I can feel myself sinking into depression and really don’t want to go there.

I need to help myself but don’t know what to try. I’m on long term antidepressants. I would volunteer but at the moment feel I need someone to support me rather than being in a position to support others. I don’t want to burden my family and friends as they all have loads of shit of their own to deal with. TIA

Could you become a granny? I could do with a granny. My boys are delightful, would be uplifting and would enjoy company. A flippant answer from me but also genuine. Is there a family near by that you are friends with?

Volunteer to listen to kids read at a school?

SciFiscream I’m a good listener and am good at getting people to talk so could work on a helpline. Ideally I want to get out the house and do it as I need to do more in a communal setting as I’m getting more insular at the moment and need to break the cycle.

Teach English as a Foreign Language online?

eavers that’s a great idea. I’d totally forgotten about that. I was looking into it before my DMs cancer returned and I couldn’t commit to the regular weekly attendance. It’s been 12 years since she died and it had totally slipped my mind that it was something I was interested in. I used to love listening to the children read when I was a TA.

I supported a helpline and volunteers. There are loads of opportunities to meet up with others; training, social, fundraising to support the helpline etc etc. It brings with it a new group of friends and as volunteers you'll get all out of pocket expenses refunded. It will depend where you live and transport etc but some helplines do have an office you can go to.

Which area do you live in and is there a fairly big town you can get to? If there is I bet there's tons of suitable volunteering opportunities you could support that fit with your own abilities.

I have just filled in the online registration form for Coram Beanstalk which appears to have amalgamated with the old Reading Matters scheme I remember being interested in. So many good ideas. I’m sure out of all these I will find at least a few that I can do and enjoy.

I’d have a mixture of activities which would also increase your friendship groups and aim to get out of the house every day
E.g.
Monday - volunteer for dog walking or cat playing with an animal charity
Tuesday - Pilates class
Wednesday - book club or volunteer in a library
Thursday - cookery Or sewing class
Friday - swimming or aqua aerobics class
Saturday - singing or learning to play a musical instrument
Sunday - go for a walk or cycle

I would definitely ring up a few local animal charities (or contact them via Facebook) as there are indoor cats which might have medical conditions that charities agree to pay for their medical bills for (they often have a deal with a local vet) if you like animals, they do give you so much joy and companionship.

Definitely try a choir session or two to see if it would work for you, you are obviously musical.

Have you looked at 'Meet-ups' ?
It's an online thing where people set up their own interests groups to get people together who might have similar interests (not dating) so for example there might be a Theatre group which organises trips to see shows. There might be a few you are interested in locally?

Would you be interested in joining a Church/faith group? Not my thing, but I have lots of friends and family who are members of a church and they get so much support, friendship and community from belonging to one.

You are so young, I know you must feel worn out and slightly defeated from your health conditions, but there have been some great suggestions on this thread, which might not all be right for you, but giving new things a go is half the fun.

If money is an issue there is a long-running thread called '£10 per day' (I think in the money section) which has lots of ideas about earning money mostly online, from home. I know you can't do too much repetitive stuff, so might not be right for you, but you might be able to do small chunks like surveys at a time?

Again thinking about earning money to help pay for all your new activities, could you babysit? Where I live there are various local WhatsApp groups (neighbourhood watch etc) which you might be able to reach out advertising yourself as a babysitter? It would get you out of the house and connecting to other people and earn you money? There is a website called 'sitters' where you can register. I don't think babysitters need to be Ofsted registered etc, unlike child minders? With your experience and your crb you would be a great babysitter, and it's usually not physically tiring.

fastliving I will ring some animal charities to see if they have any things I can help with. I could walk dogs unless they pull on the lead a lot.
I’d not thought about babysitting. I love children and have a lot of free evenings. I will google Sitters and see what’s what. Money is a bit factor when it comes to doing activities so it would be wonderful to earn a bit. Ive looked at the £10 per day thread for ideas but not for a while. Some things I’ve gone into are beyond my understanding such as matched betting and a site that you do online tasks on - Lionbridge I think it was. I couldn’t work kit what on Earth they are wanting though .

I’m on yougov but it takes ages to reach £50 but I’m on my third round so it’s steady though slow.

I don’t feel physically too worn out unless I overdo things but if I take it steady I’m not bad considering which I’m very grateful for - more depressed really but that’s because I have too much time to think which isn’t good. A lot of people with the same condition are in a pretty bad way with tube feeding, stomas, urostomys and in wheelchairs. While I’m restricted I do have a good quality of life so I’m grateful. I have got so many ideas from this thread. Really appreciate all the suggestions and plans for spreading activities out over the week.

Helping others is the best focus in life. Plenty of charities would welcome you and your skills.

Ramblers do short walks. My local group do short walks (3-6 miles) on a Saturday and long walks on Sundays.

You only have to go the weeks you want to. And you can probably share a ride to the start if you email the organisers

@Sabredance - would this be of interest? You certainly meet all the criteria they are asking for in a mentor -www.thegirlsnetwork.org.uk/become-a-mentor

floffel yes I would be really interested in that. I’ve not heard of The Girls Network but it sounds such a good project and I’d love to do something like mentoring. I am going to read up on it and if I think it’s something I could offer I will fill in the registration form. It asks for once a month involvement which is excellent too. Thank you so much for this.

CustardT I didn’t know Ramblers did short walks. My brother goes on their holidays once a year and does very demanding walks that sound to involve as much scrambling as walking. I know they offer different levels but didn’t think they’d have short walks. I’ll take a look. And ask my brother about Ramblers.

Just realised I’ve name changed mid thread.

Swimming is good. I know someone with very bad rheumatoid arthritis. They swim or walk in the pool every morning which gives them the endorphins from exercise and a structure to the start of her day. She gained a couple of really good friends from it too. The swimming helps her stay as fit as possible and is just very good for her.

In terms of other purpose it could be light volunteering.

Study is good and nowadays if you can afford a google digital assistant or alexa or even a smartphone you can get it to teach you all kinds of things without you needing to type anything.

I second the Cinnamon Trust, I recently started dog walking with them and it's brilliant.

Another money generating idea: doing school drop offs and or/ school pick ups. These take a couple of hours a day and term time only. You’d definitely earn at least £10 a day doing this

Another volunteering idea is parkrun. They need volunteers each week and it's casual from one week to the next, so no long term commitment. An hour or so outdoors and you do get to know a regular community. Some positions would need dexterity (handling tokens and time keeping) but others such as marshalling, tail walking, first timer briefing, car parking (tail walking being basically 45 mins-1hr gentle walking) don't require it.

If it's of interest, register on their website to get your A number, and get in touch with your local one by email or facebook.