I find it hard getting used to my new life?

[333Alexandra120999]

Hey I was just wondering if anyone has any advice or anything really that could keep me going.
I wanna start by saying that I love my baby. I was 19 when I saw my pregnancy test a few months after I finished college, got myself a job and started to try and get my first car and move out. At the time I was with my boyfriend for 2 years (first love) and as much as everyone was telling me how horror and scary motherhood is, as soon as I saw the first scan I knew that was the little human I needed in my life. I was on the pill and I still got pregnant somehow so I just took it as “it’s meant to be”. I was ready to go through sleepless nights and I had enough motivation to tell myself that even with a baby I can still get my car, I can still move out and I can still find my dream job, I can still go out with my friends once or twice a month and I can still make time to have some quiet nights in with my boyfriend.

HOWEVER, things changed for me because my boyfriend cheated so I (have) to watch him be with someone else to this day. My job refused to give me hours so I was very down financially and yes, I did get to move out but now I kind of regret doing that. The thing is, I REALLY love my daughter and I don’t regret my decision but she’s 1week old and I’m honestly drained. I have to watch the person I love be with someone else while I’m here waking up every hour just to feed her for an hour until she decides she wants to go to sleep. I can’t go shopping let alone go out with my friends. I have my mums support but I still think this is too much, did anyone feel like this before? Like I just look at her and think about how different my life would be if I would’ve chose to handle the situation different. Is this going to get better? Am I going to be able to go out or get a job or do ANYTHING? I feel so stuck in my head and I don’t want to talk to anyone because it might look like I don’t love her or I regret her, but really I just went to know it’ll change.

It does change, it just takes time.

I remember the first few weeks of being a Mum being so weird. It really does up end your life. It's normal to feel that way. Nobody who is reasonable will feel that you don't love you daughter just because you feel that way.

It took me about a year until I felt a bit more normal.

It's the tiredness making you feel like this and question everything.
Is your ex seeing the baby?
I promise you it will get better, motherhood is so rewarding and I wouldn't think about going back to work until she's 1.
You will get help towards nursery fees etc and will be able to work and still be a mum

Oh, yes.... I remember that feeling well.

I'm so sorry your boyfriend cheated, and things are rough. That is a hard deal.

It is one of the biggest changes you'll ever face ( becoming a mum), so give yourself time to get to know your daughter and to figure it all out. It is still so early in the game though- be kind to yourself.
Congratulations btw.

Shes a week old. Your milks coming in and your hormones are going to be making you feel a bit different and overwhelmed right now. Have you been getting much sleep?
Has he gone then? That is another big change, and you're still so young. Take your mums support for now, especially while you're getting used to things. It IS a lot. No getting away from that, but you'll get into a rhythym. C

Hi OP,

I could've written your post up to a point, I finished my A levels in the summer and found out I was pregnant the day after Boxing Day and had my son when I was 19.

It must be incredibly difficult to be going through such a life change without the person you loved by your side, but you can do it and it will most definitely get better.

I found it very hard until around 3 months old when he started sleeping more and then things did improve, especially as I found my love for my son and a strong bond with him really formed around that time too.

I went to university when he was 1 year old exactly, graduated when he was 4, my own business when he was 5 and hoping to do a masters in the next year or two. It shows what you can still achieve by yourself if you put your mind to it OP!

Things will certainly get better for you, it takes times that's all. Your lovely baby is only a week old so just try your best to rest when you can and enjoy your little one for now.

My DS is 6 now and honestly it seems two minutes since I was in your position, best of luck OP

You poor thing, you’re tired, you’ve got raging hormones and you’ve got to deal with the end of a relationship. A week is no time at all to get your head around things, at the moment it’s like trying to pin jelly to the wall. Take the support you are offered, of meant kindly, and, when you can, try out a few mum and baby groups until you find one where you click.

Massive hug.
Yes, it does feel a bit much at first, it does get better but I found the first few weeks hard work and knackering - Feels like forever and like life is an endless round of feeding and burping with not much sleep.
Then it changes and yes, you do get to go out again. Have you got out of the house at all? Even just a short walk can help.
Talk to your mum, can you go back to hers for a bit and are you eating and drinking lots of fluid as well?
Try and get as much sleep whenever you can as well - easier said than done I know!

@Branleuse @MondeoFan yes my ex is seeing the baby and my mum is helping me, also his mum is also offering to help all the time, but it doesn’t really make a difference because I’m breastfeeding so I can’t really go anywhere because I have to be there every hour to feed her. I tried to by a pump and express some milk for her but sometimes she just screams and refuses to take bottles, now I’m just thinking of changing everything and giving her formula. It would make it easier and I could get some sleep and I’ll be able to go out more but at the same time I feel guilty even when I go to the bathroom and she starts crying so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it anyway. Plus NOT one person told me to give her formula instead of breast milk.

@SausageSimon wow that’s amazing! You really are the proof that it’s not impossible to do this, I just can’t see myself a year from now. I feel like I’m gonna be still the 21 year old sitting in bed at 3 in the morning crying because I got a total of 8 hours of sleep in a whole week. But you did give me hope, thank you!

Can I just say please just take a minute and breathe!
You're doing amazing! What you're feeling is totally normal, most mums have felt like this.
If you think formula is gonna be best for your baby then give her formula. Try not to think about anything that isn't really important right now. Take each hour as it comes.
Things will get better, I promise 🙂

You are amazing, you are going to be a strong mum and things will come right your baby girl is lucky to have you. She will start sleeping better and feeding will get easier. Don’t panic it all takes time. You are young and your baby will take a lot of time looking after but take advantage of your mum offering to help. So sorry about your bf but he is not the man for you even if you thought he was. To let you down when you have just had his baby is despicable. Make sure he pulls his weight and pays maintenance for his daughter she is his responsibility too.

Congratulations 🥳 on your wonderful baby girl.

Op my kids were in school before I felt like I’d made the right decision to have them!
Motherhood is so hard. But so wonderful. Those free and easy days will come some day.

I have a 3 week old, my third child, even with an amazingly supportive husband I have had times when I’ve been overwhelmed. You are doing amazing. It’s just the sleep that makes everything seem worse.

I was a young mum. The early days are a headspin. Throw in a relationship break up, exhaustion and hormones. Of course you're feeling overwhelmed! It's not how you pictures it would be and it's a shock.
Please give yourself time and be patient with yourself. It genuinely is such early days.
You're gonna get the hang of it without even realizing and one day you suddenly realise you're in love with your baby. It doesn't happen at once for lots of new mothers. 100% normal.
You're already a great mum because you're reaching out for support and asking questions.
Take it an hour at a time and you'll be surprised how strong you feel after this initial hard adjustment. As for the dad, your pain is understandable, so disappointing and horrible. But there'll come a time you'll look at that child and think in your heart she was worth everything.
You're gonna be just fine.

Op, I was 35 and it was still a headfuck

Keep going OP. The first few weeks of motherhood were the toughest and weirdest in my life.
You also have the added stress of being cheated on and bring a lot younger than me. So be kind to yourself.
You will sleep eventually and eventually you will get more of your life back. Give it 3 months to get through the newborn mist. Focus your energy on your baby, but don't be afraid to be selfish.
It's too early now, but in a few weeks, ask your mil or mum to have the baby, to have an hour on your own to go shopping. (Going out to Tesco on my own felt like a spa day!)

Be kind to yourself. It's tough and these feelings are normal. I'm 3 years in and still wonder if I'm cut out for this. I clearly am, as I have the most wonderful toddlers, but I often don't feel like it!

Congratulations

No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed ❤ First off, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. She will become your best friend and you will have an amazing bond.

I was 32, married and had just moved into my dream house when my first was born. And I felt exactly like you so what you are describing is normal. Your hormones are all over the place right now and you need to remember that this feeling does not last forever. Having to deal with a cheat at the same time is horrific and I hope you have friends you can speak to. Shame on him for treating you like that but it is his loss.

As for feeding, it is up to you how you feed your baby. I breastfed both of mine until they were just over 2 years old - both went onto solids at 4 months, one to help with a gastric problem and my boy because he was huge and always hungry so the breastfeeds were a top up. Neither of mine would take expressed milk out of a bottle. Neither used a dummy. I spent a fortune on breast pumps akd every bottle & teat undee the sun but nothing worked. It made it incredibly hard to have a life as no-one could feed them but me. Once they were on solids it got easier as I could get a break. They say solids should begin at 6 months but, again, you know your baby. What I am trying to say in a very longwinded way (😳) is that this stage doesn't last forever so if you want to continue breastfeeding then that is worth remembering.

How do you get with your health visitor? It may be worth talking to her about your situation and there may be some local groups you can attend like a breastfeeding group or mother & baby groups. That would get you out the house and help you connect with other new mums. I made a couple of great friends when I went to a local group.

Most of all, be kind to yourself. You have just started an incredible journey and it will be full of highs and lows. You will be able to work and get a car and all of those things. It may be a bit more difficult and take a bit longer because you are a mum but you will get there - and what a fantastic role model you are to your daughter. Best of luck 🥰

I was much older than you with my first but I seem to remember seeing posters for meet ups for young mums (maybe teenage/under 25). I wonder if there is something similar near you, so you can connect with mums at a similar life stage to you so you can get some peer support that way? Maybe your mum could look into this for you.

Also on the sleep front, I breastfed both mine but only co-slept with my second. I honestly got so much more sleep! Just fed him lying on my side and he and I fell asleep next to each other, then when he woke up I turned over, popped him on the other breast and we both fell asleep again. I only did this until 3 months but honestly it saved my bacon - I couldn’t have coped, sleep-wise, otherwise..... You can google safe co sleeping guidelines

Really good luck

Also, even if you can’t be away from the baby for long, have MIL or your mum hold baby in another room or go out for an hour for a walk. Just to give you a tiny bit of physical space to yourself

I agree with what PP have said; it is really hard early on but it does get better.
Take things as easy as you can, rest and watch TV. Drink lots of water and eat as well as you can. If you have friends and family get them to come to you so you don’t have to stress about getting a newborn out.
My secret was Hob Nobs and Netflix for several months!
And do watch out for post natal depression, it can creep up on anyone - it did me. If you start to feel sad or as if the baby would be better off without you call your GP and get an appointment that day. Sometimes our hormones can be all out of whack and need resetting.
You will do great. And you are young so you have all your life ahead which will be easier when your child is older.
We’re here if you need us.

I’m going to give you the very short version. I watched my husband do the same to me, left me for another woman when i was pregnant with his child, I divorced him when he was 2 weeks old. Fast forward 10 years- I am remarried to a wonderful man and have 2 more children, I am happy.
The best advice I can give you is take time to love yourself, build yourself up, self care and grow as a person and be gentle on yourself and laugh and do things you enjoy- it’s not easy with a baby but it gets easier and When they start to sleep more it is possible. I had no intention of ever meeting someone else but after a few years of being the happiest version of myself I could be. Leaving him was the best thing I could of done

“Play the long game” was the best advice o had, take it one step at a time, slowly

So ive had 2 babies in less than 2 years and let me tell you that its completely normal to feel like you do.

I have struggled so bad with them at different stages but it honestly does get better.

I changed to formula so people could take them out whilst i slept or bathed, i got into a routine, once they are older you can take them to plenty of groups and make other parent friends.

There was a point i wanted to give them up to my mum because i didnt feel capable to do it but everytime i seebthem smiling or they start babbling at me it makes everything feel okay again.

For the first 3 months expect some emotions and hormones but just remember to ask for help when you need it and that with time your child will start to grow into this personality that will make all of this easier.

Also make sure to make some new mummy friends, there are apps out there to do it, meet up with some and they can be your lifeline as many mums struggle especially new mums.

In the no sleep phase we all feel like this. Bed down. Stay in your pjs and eat nice food. I personally watched dexter back to back with dc1 and napped constantly

Don’t beat yourself up your doing great we’ve all been at this point and it really does pass.

Ps there is no harm in formula and trying a different bottle teat either. I bf dc1 and 2 but was that knackered with dc3 and two other little ones I caved and bought formula- best decision I made!