Why is bad sex guy still texting me?

[everythingisopposite]

A little while ago I had a thread about a guy I had sex with and it was awful. I felt quite dehumanised by it. He was oblivious and wanted us to meet again. I decided to tell him I wouldn't have sex with him but would meet for a cup of tea. He agree and we met in a café. I'm quite glad I did because it definitely confirmed for me that I wouldn't want any kind of relationship this guy, even notwithstanding the terrible sex. After the cafe, he walked me to my car and looked quite angry and upset and said he had been really (pulled an appalled ,upset face) when he got my text and said in a disbelieving voice 'was it really that bad!?'. I didn't want to say 'yes it bloody was' in a public street so instead paused and said ' I haven't liked how presumptuous you have been - just assuming that I would have sex with you.' (which is also true). We parted and I never expected to hear from him again. The next day I got a text saying he thought it would have been okay for us to have a just physical relationship but he thought that wasn't what I wanted so goodbye. I replied 'no problem, it clearly wasn't going anywhere'. End of I thought.
But on Chrismas Eve I got a text asking if I wanted to come over for a beer after the kids were in bed. I presumed he has sent this to me by mistake so replied to say so, he said ' no I thought maybe you would like a drink after the stress of Christmas. Sorry if it is a bad idea'. I replied to say I wouldn't be going. He apologised and said it was a crazy idea. Than last night I got an early text at New Year wishing me a Happy New Year.
I don't get it. What is he till texting me?

Yeah one more message and then block.

He’s being rude to you first so feel free to be rude back

By not ignoring/blocking, you look like you're possibly interested in a future shag. Blocking/ignoring on a phone is not the same as being rude and blanking someone in real life if that's what you think.

Stop replying to him and he'll be out of your hair. It is pretty mean not to be clear that you have no interest in him what so ever

he only touched my vulva

What ?? I don't understand this !

bigchris I presume the OP means there was no foreplay or attempts to arouse or show affection. I’m guessing the gentleman went straight for the pot of gold.

Women usually want a bit more.

You're giving him mixed signals by replying to him

It is pretty mean not to be clear that you have no interest in him what so ever

Okay I am starting to see comments like these in the context of a long history of blaming women for men's unwanted attentions and sexual harassment because the woman gave 'mixed messages' and 'led him on' and all that.

I told him I didn't want to have sex with him again. He dumped me. I agreed that was for the best as it was going nowhere. He asked me to meet up again. I said I wasn't going to meet him again. There is absolutely nothing mixed about those messages. I speak perfectly good English. He understands perfectly good English. Women should not have to physically prevent men from contacting them for men to be able to understand what they are saying. Women are not responsible for men's inadequacies. If he has not understood what I have said, that is a problem with him. Not with me.

So you had bad sex with a guy. Why couldn't you have just ended it there and then, saying that it wasn't working for you or whatever, rather than meeting up for a cup of tea and spelling out the real reason

No one is ‘blaming’ you, they are pointing out that he is continuing to contact you because you have met him in person after the terrible sex and replied to subsequent attempts to contact you. You appear to have some misguided ideas about politeness that are coding to him as continued interest.

I understwndnyour objections to blocking him. You say you want to resolve things with communication. So communicate in a way he can't misconstrue. If he texts again, reply 'do not contact me again.' If he ignores that, then surely you can block him without compunction.

How old are you? You know what he wants, why ask? Madcatlady, above, is right. Delete all info about him and have no more contact. You've wounded his pride and if you give him any opportunity he'll make you pay.

He may think you are just playing 'hard to get'. That maybe if he can just woo you with the right words you will be up for sex again (clearly it was good for him, although i remember your last thread and it sounds ghastly). You may be the only person who replies to him and he's got it in his head that this is some sort of 'game'.

Please just block him.

He's still texting you because the sex was bad for you and not for him so he'd be happy with a round 2.

Either block, ignore or ask him to stop contacting you.

Look, everyone is getting heated over the communication or not here, but I think the actual issue is that you OP have your own sense of decency in terms of how you treat another person, but that he is slightly crossing boundaries and deliberately ignoring your clear message because he is still interested in you.

And that's the bit that worries me. You don't want anything at all to do with him. But he's still trying to put you in a situation where you feel obliged to communicate.

This is why people are saying to block him. I would probably just not reply any more, feeling certain that the message has been clearly stated, as it has.

You really do need to cut communication, either way. Because he won't take no for an answer and feels to me a little unhealthily attached to you. As he was inept and inexperienced in bed, but you'd allowed him intimacy, he might have developed a bit of an attachment to you.

I think it's important you don't respond any more because if you do, whatever you say will be fuel for his fire. You've made your decision. You've been clear and polite. Now don't say any more ever. He needs to get that message and give up. Or he could be problematic in the future, I think.

I get your point about being blamed for him not taking no for an answer, but the other old stereotype at play here is you as a woman feeling excessively guilty for not being polite and considerate to a man even though he isn't showing you the same courtesy. So break free of all of that.

Q: Why is bad sex guy still texting me?

A: Because you're texting him back.

Very simple.

What Doves said. You can set boundaries in relationships other than about sex. He is saying a way in, ie you texting him back, and he's keeping on. You need to block him, he's not taking any other hints.

Dieu I've already answered that comprehensively upstream.

AFistful longwayoff tbh this was meant to be a lighthearted post when I had half an hour to kill,, rather than a serious question. Clue: that is why it was in Chat not in Relationships. Sigh.

I think there is just a massive difference of opinion here - many of you guys - telling a guy that you don't want to have sex with him again, agree with him you should stop seeing each other, tell him you don't want to meet up with him = inviting him to keep contacting you and excessively polite. Woman is to blame for man's lack of understanding and deserves to be criticised.

Me = Telling a guy you don't want to have sex with him again, agreeing with him you have split up, telling him you don't want to see him again = clear communication that you are not interested. Woman is not to blame if man is if he is not able to understand this.

And I would point out, and I think this is important, that I have only replied to him ONCE since we split up. To say, 'no, I am not going to see you again'. Many of you seem to regard this as excessive and ongoing contact but I disagree on that too.

You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine. Of course I am going to block him if he pursues. That would be going too far.

I think it is time to agree to disagree on this folks as we obviously just have different opinions.

Hell, we can't even agree that posting in Chat is clearly signalling a non-serious, lighthearted thread!

I suggest you start addressing him as "Bad Sex Guy" in future texts. That should put him off.

I think people are wondering why you are bothering with him “as a friend” after his “dehumanising” attempts are sex.

Perhaps you didn’t mean to use the word dehumanising. Maybe you should have said “crap sex”. You made it sound like you’d had a very bad experience, possibly involving violence or coercion. Rather than that you didn’t enjoy it and wouldn’t want to do it again.

Meeting him for tea afterwards implies you might have been open to a platonic friendship. Poster are finding that odd, after a “dehumanising” encounter.