Has anyone been tempted to runaway on a luxury hols for one?

[Carmenera]

I’m seriously considering booking a holiday and escaping my life for a week. I haven’t discussed this with my husband yet... I love my children 2 and 4 years old but haven’t had a break from them since either was born. My husband is hands on but it’s just the two of us and our relationship as man and woman’s is non existent. I work hard and have been suffering from depression for years now and just really need some me time or I might just lose my mind. I often find excuses just to be alone I even pull sick days from work so that I can get some peace. I desperately crave some peace and quiet and some time to think. I have no immediate family to help out and my friends are too busy to offer a hand. I feel guilty but I also feel as if some distance from me and my kids is what I really need :(

@Carmenera

My two children are adults and I still go holiday with them and see them most days. Children are for life and there is no escape

go on holiday

I do it every year and have done since mine were wee. It keeps me sane. I was a person before I was a mum; sometimes I just need to be a person again. Do it. My last trip was to a beautiful apartment in Estonia and then on to Finland. I had a ball!

I fantasise about this most days. It's not affordable sadly.

Do I dream? All the fxxking time! I thought that was normal!

I'm either on luxury holiday, or permanently living in a chalet in the middle of nowhere, snow and a log burning fire. No other person around.

I always assumed that most of MN was the same?

I did all that before I had my children so no if I am being honest I am not that bothered about being on my own on holiday because I do my own thing most days now.

JUST DO IT!! I have my escape booked for September after all the GCSE stress.
I had several single holidays over the years, yes, it's selfish and frowned upon in DH family. But I go hiking (2-3 days) just me, plenty of exercise and fresh air mixed with Altitude- recipe for bliss! And a happy mum = happy children. DH is more than capable of looking after DC.

Yes definitely do it if you can! I've booked a solo trip for a few months time - I just need to get away for a week so I don't have anyone to be 'on' for and can just do what I want, whether that's explore or stay in bed all day. I love my DH and DS so much but I'm a natural Introvert so need some time away to just please me. Ignore people who say you are abandoning your kids - it's not for long and it won't do your kids any harm for them to Miss you for a week or two. My DH goes away all the time for work and the bond between him and DS is incredible, when DH comes home after a week away the two of them are inseparable. If you think it will be good for you, you can afford it and the kids will be looked after by DH, then you should do it- life is too short to not do things that make us happy.

I go on holiday alone every year. I wouldn’t really consider it ‘luxury’ (I stay in an Airbnb or normal non-luxury hotel), but it’s abroad. Usually 4 days. Dc are 7 & 2. When youngest was a baby, I was bf so I took him with me and we had a great time going to museums and sitting at cafes together. It’s wonderful!

Dh goes away with friends as well and we have a family holiday (usually in the UK), but I love my time to myself. As dc get older, I can definitely see going for longer and farther away.

What about a long weekend in a REALLY posh hotel? You deserve it. A happy mother equals happy kids. That’s my mantra x

DH and I did this when DC were small. Seperate nights in a premier inn. 24 hours each entirely to ourselves.

I loved mine so much. Might well have saved our marriage.

If you can afford it do it.

I'm divorced but have young dc, I'm taking myself away for 10 days to visit a friend in south east Asia. I'll obviously miss the dc but I work bloody hard and I haven't done anything for just me in a decade

Unless you’re rich in terms of both time and money it probably isn’t the best solution to your health and wellbeing issues, and sounds like your H is in a similar boat.

Alternatives could be regular time/childcare to free up time to do something you enjoy, exercise, counselling, changed work pattern.

Abandoning the children? or maybe protecting her mental health while the DCs spend time with their OTHER parent.
Do it OP.

It’s not a given that a luxury holiday would help OP’s MH. It might or might not. There might be other ways to improve her MH. I’ve tried lots and find regular exercise, attention to diet and short “bursts” of time to myself good, whereas DH (no MH issues) enjoys occasional weekends away with his friends.

And fairness to other family members is a factor, eg if Op and her H couldn’t afford other things if Op had this holiday, due to limited money/annual leave.

I day dream about selling my engagement ring to pay for it all. It’s worth 5k so could buy a cheap imitation and still afford to go away. My H would never notice and I pay half for everything including childcare mortgage and bills I even covered my on mat leave so have no savings.

I would say do it! Or, alternatively, can you use the money to get a membership at a nice spa/gym place? I've decided when I'm back off mat leave no.2 I'm going to do that and escape at least once a week to soak in a hot tub and sit in the sauna. Exercise is what keeps me sane, prob what keeps me alive tbh. A holiday away would be amazing but then I'd worry youd feel really flat when you got home if you couldn't afford to do it often.

The spa gym sounds like a good idea I do worry I would feel flat as soon as I came home. Wish I didn’t feel this way i feel guilty but something needs to give. X

Think it’d be better to talk about how you’re feeling, with your H if he’d be supportive, or someone else if not, and try to identify what might help most.

Are you getting help for your health?

I’ve talked to my Husband but he’s the resilient type and he doesn’t really empathise. I’ve tried CBT and currently on 40 mg Prozac, I’m estranged from my mother (alcoholic) and don’t know who my father is so no family to turn to. Friends have dwindled over the years or moved and at work I’m wearing the usual professional mask! I have two lovely children who I adore but unfortunately I’m so unhappy I just think I need some space. Maybe a wellbeing retreat style break would help me I’ve been looking at some of those...

For the cost of a spa break, for example, you could pay for a series of counselling sessions. Not necessarily CBT.

Do you have any regular times each week to do things alone? If not, perhaps that might help, eg local gym, massage, walk and listen to music or podcast.

You also say your relationship has some issues - occasional childcare to spend time together?

I find I thrive on the complete change of scenery and love the lack of responsibility. I'm a single parent and the emotional weight of parenting makes me pretty miserable sometimes. I know other women don't understand me when I talk about it sometimes. But I do feel i and an enormous sense of responsibility literally lift off me when I feel the aeroplane lift off. It's the best feeling in the world. And I do my trips on the cheap too- cheap airline flights, cheapish Airbnb and eating out of supermarkets when I'm there. I've done some amazing trips. It restores me for about 6mths afterwards, although I'm often planning my next trip as soon as I get home.

@Dozer I have free healthcare with my work so I can arrange for counselling which I’m planning to do. I’m thinking of going in my lunch break.
My in-laws live far away so it really is just us with help from daycare and a childminder for my eldest. We have been on a few dates recently but I want time alone not more time with my husband...

Absolutely, OP! Do it! This is so healthy! The children will be absolutely fine! They need a healthy and happy mother!

@surlycurly thank you it’s good to know others still love their kids but that the pressure makes them miserable. I had no idea how important my alone time is and just like you I just know I’ll feel the weight lift as soon as the plane takes off!