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Original poster

How honest are you with your teens about your raving days?

77 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 30/12/2019 21:24

I spent most of the 90s raving and taking all kinds of drugs. The best days of my life! My teens, now 18 and 17, ask me what I was like (I think they suspect from photos Grin) and I have told them that all I did was smoke an occasional spliff and nothing else! I don't think they believe me! Do your teens know what a tearaway you were, or does what happened in the 90s stay in the 90s?! Wink

OP posts:
ChristineKeeler · 31/12/2019 11:41

I'm sad to see all this lying. Why don't you tell the truth, without going into details?

Because I absolutely don't want to be seen to be condoning it, my DC's think we're quite cool, esp their Dad, the last thing I want is for them to think drug taking is ok because it really isn't. Just common sense isn't it? I wouldn't even think of it as lying more protection. I would admit to it when they were in late 20's maybe?

velocitygirl7 · 31/12/2019 11:44

@Oblomov20 I do it to protect them. When I look back at my hedonistic days in the 90s, life was very different. No camera phones, no social media for a start. We'd go out and dance in fields until sunrise (and beyond) and literally gave very little thought about what we looked like. The odd person may have a camera but so what, that person wouldn't be uploading 400 photos of you the next day.
More importantly drugs were different then. Yes, they were dangerous and I was largely a foolish and naive idiot but they were more expensive so we took less. Dd talks about the quantities her friends take and I'm shocked, I also work in an environment with links to local youth groups etc and it is a sad fact that illegal drugs are way more potent than they were years ago. The strength of weed in particular terrifies me and yet that is prolific amongst our kids from a very young age. You may naively think your dc wouldn't touch it but believe me it's everywhere, they will have encountered it many times despite what they may or may not tell you.
I had an amazing time in my teens & 20s but it was a different time and more importantly I was lucky and for that reason I will continue to lie to my teenage dc.

Oldraver · 31/12/2019 11:46

My teen now knows I went out raving, and still have the odd day raving about once a year, but the subject has yet to come up.

I like to think we would be honest with him in an age appropriate way

velocitygirl7 · 31/12/2019 11:46

@ChristineKeeler exactly! I'm considered 'cool' by dd and her friends and I'm acutely aware of that (disclaimer I'm not cool, they just love my vinyl and all my old gig tickets!)

Cruddles · 31/12/2019 11:48

I'm not sure how this will be tackled when my DS (3) and DD (1) are older. I did everything under the sun from age 21 up to mid 30s. Not every weekend mind, but there's been some benders and let's face it,. most of the time it was bloody fun.

My wife has never done anything with drugs. She doesn't understand why anyone would. Her and her family are very straight, and their mindset on most things is very little understanding or empathy of towards things they don't do, very much of the "I've never done it, it's so stupid, why do people need to get off their faces to have fun".

My wife knows I've done drugs in my past, she's not interested in finding out the details though. So I'm not sure if my kids will have her mentality or mine. If they have hers then this discussion won't be an issue. If they have mine then it's something to be discussed, but on what tact to take I'm not sure, one for my wife and I to work out at a later date.

ooooohbetty · 31/12/2019 11:50

My advice, having worked with many families with teenagers is do not tell them about your wild years and drug taking. There is absolutely nothing to be gained. Ifthey choose to do the same it gives them the opportunity to say 'but you did it, why shouldn't I'. I think it's best to lead by example (even if you don't tell them the truth now). I told my now very adult children some of the stuff I got up to but waited until their late 20's to do so. I did far more than them and they were quite shocked.

Thestrangestthing · 31/12/2019 11:56

Mine are still young so don't need to know anything about drugs yet, they already know too much due to family members. I was wild, but the only thing I ever did was smoke a couple of joints. Watching people I knew take drugs was enough for me to know there was no way I wanted to lose control of myself like that.
I'm hoping the smack heads in our family will be enough to put my kids off taking drugs.

Oblomov20 · 31/12/2019 11:58

Velocity I agree with almost
everything you've said.

Life back then with no SM was easier. And the drugs were different back then. You can't compare the drugs of then, with the strength and stuff of these days. Now it's frightening!

I've said that exact thing to my Ds1.

Can't you have that exact conversation with your dc? At the right time? Phrasing it for their maturity?

I still can't see the turning point of actually lying about it.

There's a big difference between ......,saying to dc :

yes I never slept with anyone before your father! Hmm and saying yes I did this and that , (without giving grizzly sexual details) .....and yeah I slept with every boy in Birmingham !!

there's a big difference between saying well yes you know I did a couple of things, but times were different back then, I certainly wouldn't condone it now.

and you know telling everyone the absolute nitty-gritty of everything you've ever done drug wise !!

velocitygirl7 · 31/12/2019 12:01

@Oblomov20 I think eventually I will tell them the truth, at the moment it isn't the right time, ds is 15 and dd is in her first year of uni and apparently surrounded by temptation!

velocitygirl7 · 31/12/2019 12:02

Right I'm off to put on screamadelica and reminisce about my youth Grin

speakout · 31/12/2019 12:08

I have shared to an extent and I think it can be helpful, my 21 yo dabbles, and my knowledge about the subject is fairly extensive. So we can have a rational and reasonable conversation.

speakout · 31/12/2019 12:14

My advice, having worked with many families with teenagers is do not tell them about your wild years and drug taking. There is absolutely nothing to be gained.

I disagree. My parents ( mother in particular) is of the "just say no to drugs" camp. She has zero real knowledge about drugs, and things that all substance use leaves you a psychotic crazy killer willing to jump off a cliff.

Knowledge is power.
Many young people will experiment or use some drugs to some extent, and if they are going to do that then it is best to have information that will keep them safe.
Know what is a dangerous practice, understand the risks. Make informed choices.
I don't glorify or divulge my experiences to a huge extent, but enough that my DS recognises my judgement, knows I am speaking from a position of knowledge and realism and he will engage with that. He asks me questions and seeks advice.

Llareggub · 31/12/2019 12:27

I’m very open with mine. We live in an area where there has been a lot of County Lines activity, so I have seen it as a necessity to make sure they know about this kind of stuff to protect themselves.

We have had lots of conversations about how drug taking can be great etc but I always follow it up with the very evident negative impact of drug taking. Like the guy we nearly ran over as he was off his face on Spice. And why the chap outside tesco is homeless. That sort of thing.

MrsJBaptiste · 31/12/2019 12:34

@Fizzypoo I think my dd will be a raver. She loves my old skool jungle, pendulum, d&b and DPs shitty techno and hardcore

Wash your mouth out! There is nothing shit about techno and hardcore 😲

Oblomov20 · 31/12/2019 12:42

Velocity : 15, as and when he asks, and 21 at uni, sounds like the right time to talk about it all is exactly now!

Sallycinnamum · 31/12/2019 13:25

God no. I'm going to tell them the bare bones of what I got up to in my youth.

What happened in the 90s stays in the 90s and I don't think there's any benefit to telling them both what I got up to.

That said, I will warn my DD of the dangers of drinking too much and staying safe.

ChristineKeeler · 31/12/2019 13:35

velocitygirl we built sound systems and wandered around the countryside putting on parties, they know all that and love the idea. We still listen to the music all the time. We've shown them some photos, agree they were very scant back then!

Fizzypoo · 31/12/2019 13:38

@MrsJBaptiste it's just too fast for my ears! Dp has to have a stomp once a year to feel happy in life, I get dragged along and have my ears bleed Grin

tinytemper66 · 31/12/2019 13:42

Never raved and never taken recreational drugs so nothing to tell.

Percivalthebabyspider · 31/12/2019 14:08

I've never done drugs, been drunk or smoked and my kids know this. I have talked about my friends though and some of their experiences.

MrsJBaptiste · 31/12/2019 15:35

@Fizzypoo I'll go with him instead! 😉

BeyondMyWits · 31/12/2019 15:47

Bare bones of it only.

DDs 17/19 know about the same amount of it as my husband! Blush

cheesenpickles · 31/12/2019 15:54

My kids are still very young but I've pondered this. I had a fab time but do wonder how much damage I've done to myself mental health wise because of my exploits. It did get me (in a vvvv roundabout way) our of a bad relationship and when I met my dh I was so relieved he'd never ever done anything and was really anti. He wants me to lie but I think if they are 16+ I'll be honest and before that I'll say "I'll tel you when you're older" unless I have some major concerns.

mizu · 31/12/2019 16:15

What happened in the 90s stays in the 90s GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

If my two DDs ask I'm not sure what I'll say tbh. Want to be honest with them but really wouldn't want them to do the same!

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 31/12/2019 16:44

In my case, I can tell the truth, with a clear heart because I was "straight-edge" before it was cool, as a way to rebel. Grin

Seriously, I never touched intoxicating substances because to my jaundiced teenage eye, my parents and their friends didn't look that glamorous. Never understood it when my peers in the 90s thought they were the first ever to discover drugs and it made them the coolest people ever .

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