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Original poster

NYE - how do I talk to my siblings about this?

70 replies

gothefcktosleep · 30/12/2019 19:18

I don’t know where to start with this. I need to address a situation with my brother and sister but I want to do it assertively and not come across as passive-aggressive, aggressive or just a walk-over.

Our mum is always by herself at NYEs, this is because my dad is away- I think she’s always invited but doesn’t want to for one reason or another (sometimes she struggles with leaving the house).

We have previously shared who does NYE with mum between the three of us but for some reason this has stopped, and they don’t even ask if she’ll be with anyone - so for the last 5 years somehow it’s been my husband and I and the kids. We live furthest away - about a two hour drive and have the youngest family. I also work between Xmas and new year and back in 2nd Jan. this isn’t quite the same for my siblings.

Last year I asked them if either were able to go down as our DD was very small. Neither had plans to go to party, both just staying at home - the nearest sibling is less than half an hour away...
So we went down again, despite the fact we had been invited to a party that was focussed around little ones. This year we would prefer to have the evening at home but I wouldn’t be happy to know my mum is by herself. It’s really not about being there as I enjoy it and the kids adore my mum. It’s more the feeling of constantly feeling like we’re on the road during the holidays.

Whether you think it’s daft as she’s a grown woman etc etc I just don’t like the thought of her being by herself, she’s really sociable and loves people. I can’t really get over the idea my brother and sister are okay with it either.... quite simply, I want to tell them I think they’re a bunch of selfish arseholes - but more diplomatically and in a way that would make them consider their actions and think about spending NYEs with her next year. Honestly, I would quite like to spend NYE with everyone, that would be nice but right now think my husband and I are craving a really really boring one at home that culminates in an early night and lie in to start the new year. We’re shattered!

OP posts:

73Sunglasslover · 30/12/2019 21:27

You are asking your siblings to sit with your mum in order to make yourself feel better. I think this is not very reasonable and the person actually being selfish is you. If YOU don't want your mum to be alone then YOU need to stay with her. Your siblings are probably fine with her spending NYE by herself - loads of people do.

bigchris · 30/12/2019 21:40

The op didn't say her dad as workimg in the op

Our mum is always by herself at NYEs, this is because my dad is away- I think she’s always invited but doesn’t want to for one reason or another

That's why every one is confused , where is she invited too then ??

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 30/12/2019 21:52

dollymixture "I have half a bottle of champagne in the fridge and a big streak😊. I do the New Year’s Day park run"

Are the second and third things related?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations Families

GolfForBrains · 30/12/2019 21:52

OP's dad might run a pub or something perhaps so he has to work but she could come along.

OP, YABU.

Dollymixture22 · 30/12/2019 21:58

😂😂😂😂steak. oops

brassbrass · 30/12/2019 22:04

Apparently she's really sociable but won't leave the house 🙄

EvaHarknessRose · 30/12/2019 22:22

Not your or their responsibility, your choice to do it but you don't have to.

needanewnamechange · 30/12/2019 22:33

Lots of people stay home on your own . in nye not a big deal .

iWantToBreakBrie · 30/12/2019 22:40

Some of my favourite NYEs have been on my own.

These days I live with family but will still go to bed on time and sleep through it.

If your mums not bothered then I don't think you have to feel sad.

BlackWhitePurple · 30/12/2019 22:41

If she's sociable, surely she has friends she could visit/invite round if she wanted to?

It sounds to me as if your mum isn't that bothered about NYE if she's turning down invitations, and hasn't mentioned being lonely.

I'd leave her to it, phone her if you want, but don't baby sit her.

cakeandchampagne · 30/12/2019 22:45

Stay home, and tell her you’ll text a greeting at midnight if you’re still awake then.

stella47 · 30/12/2019 23:52

Dollymixture, I know it's a typo but it did cheer me up to think of your big streak after half a bottle of champagne. Then wondered if it's something you do specially for the NYD park run - that would be very public spirited :)

Jellybeansincognito · 31/12/2019 08:53

You’ve put so much thought into how your siblings behave and how you feel about it you’ve forgotten that your mum is a grown adult and has her own mind and feelings.

implantsandaDyson · 31/12/2019 10:34

So you'd like your siblings to spend NYE with your mum to stop you feeling guilty for not seeing her as much as you'd like? My mum and her sister have tied themselves up in knots for years with regards to this kind of situation, to the extent of drawing up rotas for their other siblings to see their mum. It didn't end well, my sympathies lie with my aunts and uncles who have refused to he drawn into a kind of passive aggressive stand off.
In the words of many including my Dad - "its Christmas, not Easter, wrong season for martyrs"

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 31/12/2019 10:42

I’m really sociable - but wouldn’t mind NYE by myself. It’s not black and white. Why haven’t you spoken to her and asked for her views?

mcmen05 · 31/12/2019 10:50

It's your dads responsibility. How come he working every year.
Does he have another woman or family that he spends new year with.

Just text your brother and sister tell them you are not going and they can share your guilt.

Iloveacurry · 31/12/2019 10:51

You’re thinking about NYE being a bigger deal than it is. It is just other night. Surely your mum must be left by herself on other nights when your dad is working.

MadisonMontgomery · 31/12/2019 11:03

If your mum is usually very sociable & has turned other NYE invites down, I would presume she is more than happy to spend it on her own. If it was Christmas I could see your point, but I don’t think many people are fussed about NYE.

MsMellivora · 31/12/2019 11:11

In a kind way, don’t be daft.

But where or what is your Dad actually doing that means he is away every NYE.

christmasathome · 31/12/2019 11:36

Your mum is an adult and quite frankly if she doesn't want to be alone then she should be making her own arrangements to either go somewhere or invite people for a party at hers. If she is as sociable as you say she myst also have friends who she could go to.

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