What recipe have you tried, hated and wished you never wasted so much time making it?

[kevintheorangecarrot]

I have just tried a creamy garlic, chicken and mushroom sauce and I really wish I hadn't now. I consumed as much as I could as well as my DH, then thrown the rest in the bin (thank god for food waste recycling where I live!)

I think this was the beer batter one. AllRecipes are hit and miss, but this one worked.

allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/12456/beer-batter-for-fish.aspx

well, I came on here to moan about Jamie Olivers recipes , and so many have beaten me to it .
Rabbit Ragu ( or whatever he called it ) was truly vile , and I spent hours deboning the darn thing. It is just about the first thing I have actually thrown away rather than use up.
and his Kate and William Steak Pie .- well, I finally made it edible taste of something by adding tons of extra flavours ,( oyster sauce , beef stock , herbs ,even Maggi in desperation ) and then mixing with a can of stewed steak I keep for emergencies ..

pastabest I've been saying this for years about JO. His timings and quantities are completely off. I'm a good cook but if I follow his recipes to the letter they come out absolutely shit. You're completely right that if you weren't experienced or particularly competent in the kitchen and solely relied on JO books, you'd end up thinking you were crap and giving up!

I made a Nadiya Hussein chicken korma that was vile. Never tried another thing from the book as the recipe just didn’t work so I assume they haven’t been tested properly.

My worst disaster was rye bread that ended up resembling a brick. Turns out you can't just use a normal bread recipe, rye has bugger all gluten. I've successfully made rye sourdough bread since then.

My go to book for Indian recipes is Prashad, everything I've made from it has tasted amazing.

Pierogies. Took forever and were inedible.
Tried to make DS1 mint brownies for his birthday - looked and tasted shite.
I'm a good cook but baking is not my forte.

Anything by Ottolenghi. Beautiful pictures in the books, so I am always persuaded to give it a go but an ingredient list the length of the Domesday book, and very meh results. Also, his recipes for family meals. Hilarious.

Delia's chutney - I forget the exact recipe, but it was long, and involved grating apples or something (I seem to remember buying a 'proper' mincer to make this) - but it was when I came to boil it, and the kitchen filled with vinegar steam that made your eyes water and caught in the back of your throat, causing uncontrollable coughing and choking... that was when I decided I was never making chutney again. It came out well, mind you - I had jars and jars of it - and it tasted exactly like Branston. Since then, I've just bought the Branston instead.

Thai green/red curry.

I've tried SO many different ways. I've even made my own paste.

But it always tastes of fuck all. And the take away just tastes divine. I don't know how they do it !

@FurryDogMother That actually does sound like a worthwhile recipe for people living abroad who can't get Branston pickle. I was thinking the same about crumpets. I didn't actually miss either of those things but it's good to know they can be recreated if necessary.

Salt, more salt and msg @Howdol

I think Indian curry houses (in the UK at least) use a paste that's made from loads of onions and garlic, which is the base of every curry sauce. I'll see if I can find the recipe for that ...

Nadia Hussain's Milk Cake. Her description in The Times Magazine was so evocative and so I had to make it. It was a soggy sponge. Imagine Lemon Drizzle cake where the sweetened lemon juice is replaced with sweet milk. It was OK but I could feel my body fattening up without the pleasure beforehand. We decided that it would be a good dish to fatten up invalids.

A recipe for beef hotpot from a ww2 recipes book. Even the dog refused to eat it and he usually eats anything.

Slimming world chocolate cake in a mug was indescribably bad. If you want to eat a chocolate flavour omelette, then this is the recipe for you. If you dont then I would suggest avoiding at all costs.

Back in my student days when DH was just my love interest I had a recipe from a student cookbook called baked beans flamenco. Basically it involved pouring 2 cans of beans into an oven dish. Then making 2 wells in the beans and cracking an egg into each one and then bake the whole concoction. Even now we use it as a benchmark for my cookery I.e. 'is this as bad as the baked beans flamenco???'

That reminds me of a thing called “Alpine Eggs” which was basically grated cheese in a dish, into which you break eggs and then bake. Just why?

Apparently you need the right sort of flour for scones. Some flours don't have the right amount of protein or something. Only certain brands will do, not sure which ones though.

I also really like the Nigella ham and coke, always goes down well here.

I've also run aground with a curry in the past. The worst was this Malaysian thing I tried to make from a recipe book. Hours of work and it wasn't even edible.

A slimming world beef stroganoff. Took forever and I basically served up beef and gherkin yoghurt. Disgusting.

Couldn't find a written recipe (but from memory, the one I was thinking of was in one of Pat Chapman's/The Curry Club books), so this is the next best thing. It's just over 19 minutes long. It's great until about 18 minutes, when he serves the curry he's made on top of chips, and then adds grated cheese on top!!!

A risotto with Roquefort in it. I thought when I was making it that that it was a lot of cheese going in but that’s what the recipe said so I followed it. Literally couldn’t eat it it was so strong. Dh was at the time a newish boyfriend and therefore being polite tried to eat it but couldn’t. We felt like our noses were burning!

Specific failures:

Pumpkin Radiatore - I always assumed I would love pumpkin, haven't been able to inhabit the same room as a gutted gourd since this recipe (vegetarian "Parragon Everyday" cookbook, I think)

Hazelnut Nut Loaf - vile. Just vile. Can't remember (possibly blocked out) where this monstrosity was found... my DM ate it, I think, but DF and I resorted to cheese on toast. Last time i have ever eaten nut roast...

General failures: anything that needs, um, kneading. Apparently out with my capabilities!

Place marking for the Yorkshire pud and pancake recipes.
Never got it right and am competent in kitchen generally!

For curries try The Hairy Bikers Curry Book. I have not failed on any I have cooked.

Re the ham in coke. Four out of five times it's been superb. Last time not so much. No idea why, everything was the same, so must have been the meat ( bought from same butcher too.)

I would have judged the arse out of it if it had been a failure the first time.

Worst thing I ever made - probably chicken with 40 cloves of garlic. That was the actual name of the actual recipe. DH likes garlic so we gave it a go.
It was grim. Very grim. I felt sick and even DH confessed he thought it was "a bit strong". Was a right old faff, you had to cut slits in the chicken and put the cloves in.
I have also made my own puff pastry. Total and utter faff and not as good as jus-rol.
Re curries - my go to is Pat Chapman's Curry Bible. You do have to be prepared to have half a cupboard full of different spices and follow the instructions to the letter. Not sub half the ingredients, miss others out entirely, skip half the steps and then moan it doesn't work like my mum does.