Was my therapist inappropriate?

[SuperPixie247]

This has been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks now.

I had my first appt with this particular therapist early December - male, mid 40s I would say and divorced (he volunteered that bit of information).

During the session, amongst a multitude of things, we discussed the sex work I had done in the past (please, no judgement - I was in a very bad place). It was relevant point that needed bringing up. We weren't just talking about it "for a laugh".

We also chatted about my tattoos and how I use them as a way of control over myself. Again, it was relevant to the discussion.

At the end of the session, he got up and walked over to my chair, took my wrist and moved my arm so he could see my sleeve. He also put his hand on my inner arm to get a closer look at one.

I had only known this man an hour or so, we had spoken about my "promiscious" (for want of a better word) past and I had got very emotional about it. I don't know if I am over-reacting but something made me very uncomfortable. I have often been viewed as someone who is "easy" or able to take advantage of sexually - even in inappropriate situations such as the workplace. I guess all of those feelings and memories came flooding back when he touched my arm.

Am I being massively unreasonable here? I don't plan on officially complaining or anything, I just want to find out if my head is messing with me again I think.

I'd say if he made you uncomfortable then he made you uncomfortable. Don't dismiss your feelings, they are perfectly valid, as much as the next person.
I would find a new therapist.

It wasn’t ok, get a new therapist

I do not think you are overreacting at all. He was inappropriate with you. He shouldn’t touch you. You would be totally within your rights to complain but if you don’t want to do this I would find another counsellor. Don’t let this bad experience put you off.

If you don't feel comfortable you don't have to stick with him. Find someone who you are comfortable with.

Yes he should absolutely not have touched you like that. I’m a therapist and never touch my clients unless they ask for a hug.

I’m sorry that happened to you.

What would you like to happen now?

Hugely inappropriate. He shouldn’t be practicing at all.

Sleaze.

Find someone else.

That was very inappropriate, if you feel up to making a complaint I would but otherwise I would find a different therapist.

Was just coming on to say exactly what ssd said.

How did you happen upon this particular therapist? Was he recommended? I'd try and find another on ASAP. Preferably female. I've worked in the Therapy field for many years (physical and emotional) and have met a few dodgy guys who I think do take advantage of someone's vulnerability.
You absolutely totally need to trust your therapist. And a good one will make you feel at ease. This guy has come across as a hit of a sleaze. Again, some men just cannot help abusing power.

If it made you uncomfortable then that's all you need to know, but no, he really shouldn't be touching you beyond a hand shake.

Echo the above - new therapist.

Also consider whether you might be more comfortable speaking to a woman.

I didn't expect such a uniamous response. I think I was hoping for you all to tell me I was being OTT.

You are not being OTT. He is inappropriate and unprofessional. Avoid!!!

Your head isn't messing with you. He is messing with your head.

Touching you in that manner was very inappropriate - you were right to feel uncomfortable.

It's intrusive, controlling and inappropriate. Boundaries are central to good therapy. Boundaries are the very essence of therapy for women who have been sexually abused/assaulted. His are poor, he didn't respect yours.

I know therapists vary in how much of their own life they bring into their work, but I telling you that he is divorced in the first session strikes me as over-sharing, unnecessary and potentially sending out a 'I'm available; get a crush on me' signal.

Whether he did it purposely or not is not the point. He should have known better than to touch you and it made you feel uncomfortable. Based on that I’d find a new therapist.

^ all good points. It doesn’t seem relevant and very poor boundaries especially at first session

He was recommended to me by a friend of a friend. I see him privately. If it was the NHS, I should imagine it would be PALS I would complain to. Is there an equivalent for private practice?

No OP you're not being OTT.

Your personal safety and boundary sensors are working perfectly - that's why you felt uncomfortable.

I was going to suggest that a female counsellor might be a better fit, but I guess that there was a reason that you chose a man, so not criticising you for that.

He should be registered with a regulatory body eg BACP.

Check his website/business card - the info should be on there with his registration number.

You may well also be able to find that out via Google as most therapists advertise.

You can complain to them.

He crossed a boundary in so many ways and as everyone has said he was inappropriate and wrong.
I don’t touch my clients and if a client brings an item or anything I always ask if i can touch that! I would never touch a client not even a handshake unless invited/asked.
Unprofessional, please don’t let this put you off OP and please look for another therapist.

Oh, just to add @SuperPixie247...

In my field, I'm registered with the Federation of Holistic Therapists. It covers many areas of work. All kinds from Beauty / Massage etc to Accupuncture. But there are also Qualified Counsellors on there. As well as those that specialise in Emotional Freedom Techniques. You can go onto the website and search in your area for a professional and reliable therapist who is fully insured. If you can't find what your are looking for, then there similar governing bodies for other types of Therapists / Counsellors.

Look him up on Google and see which professional body he belongs to (he is required to at least have relevant insurance) complain to the governing body he belongs to if you wish (hope that makes sense - see my previous post)

Therapy isn’t regulated in the UK so he might not be registered with anyone.

But if he is, it would be BACP, NCS or UKCP and you can complain to them.

If he has a website it should say on there.

I want you to report him because this was so inappropriate but, you get to choose what you do.

It was inappropriate.
Maybe your GP could help you find someone else.

The fact he volunteered personal information such as that he's divorced also rings alarm bells.

Please ditch him and seek another therapist.

Totally inappropriate. My previous therapist placed her hands on my shoulders as part of a grounding exercise. She asked my permission, told me exactly what she was going to do and made sure I knew I could ask her to stop at any time - before she came anywhere near me.

Touching a patient without permission is completely unacceptable and is an indicator that he is not a good therapist. Go to the BACP website to find someone registered - sounds like it would be beneficial to look for someone who has experience with abuse and trauma.

I've been seeing someone (a woman but that's irrelevant imo) for counselling for probably 6-8 months this year. We have never had any physical contact. Not even a pat on the hand or shoulder when Iv been upset.

Wether he was being creepy or he wasn't and you are (in your words being ott) uncomfortable for no reason is beside the point, if you are to work with someone effectively you need to feel "ok" about the person so for that reason alone if you don't want to start working with this man then don't and find someone else.