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Original poster

What is the norm?

37 replies

Spied · 28/12/2019 19:15

Do your parents ( or yourselves as parents to grown-up up children) spend an equal amount on you and your dp/DH at Xmas?
Or do you spend more on your own son/DD than you do on their partner?
Speaking as a DD who got gifted £200 from my dad and my dp received a pair of slippers from him.
Felt very uncomfortable Christmas morning.

OP posts:

kirstinm · 28/12/2019 19:18

It really depends. Generally I would say my parents spend more on me than my boyfriend. This year however he got a new ipad as his has been on its last legs for ages..there wasn't really anything I needed this year, so I had some (lovely) smaller gifts.

TheReluctantCountess · 28/12/2019 19:20

My ds got nothing from my parents, and neither did we 🤷🏼‍♀️

whatalovelytub · 28/12/2019 19:28

I get more spent on me than they spend on DH. Same with my ILs. Average would be £150 ish for 'own' child and £30-£50 for their partner.

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Dandelion1993 · 28/12/2019 19:29

We don't do gifts for adults. Once you hit 16 it stops.

wendz86 · 28/12/2019 19:32

My parents spend more on me and my sister. I don't have a partner but they spend a bit less on my BIL.

user32564567 · 28/12/2019 19:34

I spend more on my own adult children. I don't really care what the 'norm' is.

runwithme · 28/12/2019 19:43

PIL got me nothing for my birthday and christmas.
DM got me and DH same value for Christmas.
I refuse to have anything to do with present buying for PIL as I put so much thought into it. DH does it now

CatFaceCats · 28/12/2019 19:43

My mum spends more on me, and his mum spends more on him.
My mum does make him a wee stocking though as she didn’t want him to feel left out of me and the kids all got!

JudyDenchsBloomers · 28/12/2019 19:49

My DM spends more on me than my DH. DF doesn't buy him anything. But then, my parents are odd juvenile.

DM is quite upfront about it. DH and I have spoken about and he says he doesn't mind 🤷🏼‍♀️ We barely see them so no big deal to us, but can understand how it must be disheartening to you.

dementedpixie · 28/12/2019 19:51

I dont expect gifts from my mum/mil. We just give to children and childless siblings

MillieMoodle · 28/12/2019 19:53

PIL spend the same on both of us. My parents probably spend slightly more on me, but they still spoil DH as well.

homemadecommunistrussia · 28/12/2019 19:54

Dh gets about the same from my dm, his parents give dh a bit more than I get from them. Honestly though I am talking about £10 here and there.

We3kingsoforientareandabump · 28/12/2019 19:59

Both sides spend the same on us both

user1493413286 · 28/12/2019 20:03

My pil spend the same on me as DH but my mum spends probably a quarter of the amount on DH compared to me. It’s awkward and I don’t really think there’s a way to address it; I have told my mum what mil buys me and it made no difference

Cookit · 28/12/2019 20:05

We usually get a joint present - household item or a voucher etc.

Rowanberries · 28/12/2019 20:07

We normally get a joint gift from my parents that costs about £100. DH's parents would do the same. This year was DH's first without his parents so my parents gave us each £100 as they didn't like the idea of him not getting a present from his parents although dad joked it was a bribe to keep me for another year

saraclara · 28/12/2019 20:16

I spend more on my daughters than on their partners.
I don't know what their in-laws do. But I'll probably have a conversation with my daughters about it before next year.
We've always been a family who give multiple (but not very expensive) gifts to each other. We like a pile of gifts on Christmas morning. So I've continued that tradition. But one of the partners really isn't a present person, has no wish list whatsoever, and would be very uncomfortable with more than one gift. The other has only been around for a year. So they got less than my girls. I do make them stockings full of cheap random silly stuff like I do for my daughters though. So hopefully they feel properly included on Christmas Day.

But if my daughters show any concern about me spending less on their partners when I bring it up, I'll rethink things next year.

Fatted · 28/12/2019 20:21

My parents give me money and then a token present each for DH and I to open on the day. I generally put the money towards family things but that is my choice. DH is not bothered either way.

I'd say with the in laws, it's equal at Christmas. With birthdays, it's much less for me than DH, but I'm not bothered. I'm not their child at the end of the day. They are very generous towards the DC too.

Mammyloveswine · 28/12/2019 20:45

Not usually but lately yes... now they're retired they've scaled spending right back as used to go mad.

In laws spend exactly the same and get lovely things for us all. They've been known to pop a few quid in a card so it's exactly the same

Hepzibar · 28/12/2019 20:49

I spend more on my daughter than I do do her husband. I think that her PIL's spend more on him than her. That is normal surely. I buy a few gifts for my daughter, I know the things she will like and use and usually one or two gifts for my son in law.
Sometimes I also buy a joint gift if I know it's something they both want.

I spend loads on my grandchild so their gifts have dwindled any way 😀

soundsystem · 28/12/2019 20:52

My parents spent more on me and my sister than on our partners, I think that's normal. DH's parents spend about the same on both of us as his family do token gifts only for adults.

Original poster

Spied · 28/12/2019 20:59

Pils spend the same on me as they do their son, my dp.This made it extra awkward when I got the £200 from Dad.
My DM bought things that were cheaper for dp but not a huge discrepancy between our gifts.
In the future I will be spending equal amounts on my DC and their future partners.

OP posts:

LER83 · 28/12/2019 21:19

We get the same from my parents, inlaws tend to give more to their son at christmas, but equal for birthdays. Although this year they did a joint present and stocking each, so was probably equal.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2019 21:22

I don't think there is a norm. Dm spends the same on us both and Dmil only buys for dp.

Camomila · 28/12/2019 21:28

My side of the family if they give money stick it in an envelope with a card and all our names on, or online bank transfer it to me (from Italy) saying its for the family/DS.
Usually they give presents though and they are equally nice for both of us.
DHs family give me and dh a card each with the same amount in and another with a bigger amount for DS.

PILs don't usually do birthday presents for adults but DH, BIL, and FIL all have birthdays within a month of each other so they usually invite us to go out for a meal and get a nice cake from the bakery. I did get money for my 30th though as that was a special birthday, otherwise if I see them around my birthday I get a card and ferrero roche (I actually really like them )

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